Ok..this is long but I need advice

[KottonMouthSara]

Hey all u stoners...can i just start by saying how much I love this site but not as much as I love the members who make this site what it is..Seriously, u guys are the best...

Ok...secondly I need some major advice...I know I dont personally know any of u guys but I'm too embarrassed to ask people who know me because I feel like i've been such an idiot...So ok, now that I got that out the way, heres the story (dont fall asleep!)

About a year ago I met the perfect guy for me...A couple problems...He lives in the States and i'm here :( , hes been married and divorced (hes only 26). Well a few months after we met...I start getting messages from his ex wife.. who claims she is still married to him, they still live together and they are still sleeping together.

So I do what any normal girl would...Tell her to shut her mouth...confront him...and we break up for like 2 days. He says he's not still married to her, she got my number from his online telephone bill, he doesn't call her and shes just trying to get him to come back to her.

Well...I believed him...but i was still a little pissed at him as u all could understand. Anyways...we went on holiday together in the summer and I met his family and he met mine and we are planning to get married next summer and all was perfect. Before that he had given me his online messaging password so that I could text him from the internet to save money.

So I got this gut feeling in the summer and I went online to his account (i'm guessing he forgot he gave it to me cuz the next bit wouldn't have happened) I started going through his text messages that he's sent over the internet and I found 2 that he sent to her (I have her number from the previous calls she made to me) Saying how he misses her and cant wait to get back to do all these sordid things with her...I know..what an idiot right?

So anyways...he says he sent them when me and him had an argument and that hes sorry....he must have sent me around 200 texts that day I found out (he was back in the states by this time) And he was saying stuff like hes not giving up and that he loves me and that he wants to get married and have babies with me and all this crap. Anyways...im in the process of giving him a chance right...I still dont believe what he says so I hack into his online t-mobile telephone account (I overheard him give out his password on a call to his phone company) and find out hes been calling her up to 20 times a day.

I really have no clue what to do...I feel like an idiot but a part of me still believes him...I mean we are planning on getting married and moving to the states and all this. Can anyone give me some decent advice on what I should do..I mean I dont wanna tell him I logged onto his tmobile account cuz then i'll look really bad.

Ps: I love u all so please be nice :o

Pps: Sorry for the really long essay-style thread...I tried to make it easy to read for all u a lil sensitive at the eyes right now :thumbsup:

:confused: :confused: :confused:

[dark0ne]

ok your in belgium and he's in the usa? unfortumatly us guys will say just about anything to get a girl. Plus if you guys are going to get married trust can't be an issue, you don't want to come over here just to get left and screwed. confront him if he's being untruthfull to you now, whats stopping him later on down the road. just make sure the ice is sturdy before you jump on it with both feet.

[KottonMouthSara]

Thats true...I know i'll be a dick if I dont confront him about it...but im scared that if I do i'll get so pissed and just finish it with him for good.. And I really dont want that...even tho a part of me wishes he would drop dead :confused:

[dark0ne]

I had a simalar problem my ex would swear she wasn't going out with this other guy while i was at work.(she was) we were ingaged, i had to get her cell phone bill and saw that she was calling this guy like 10 times a day. i confronted her about it.............and well now i'm single and have no girl.....beside the point. she's doing the same thing to her new husband and he's a wreck.

[DazedandConfused]

wow you should confront him on that last bit, cmon 20 times a day? are you guys on a continous fight?

[bubbles603]

Red flags are everywhere. You need to let this one go.

[KottonMouthSara]

I guess once a cheater always a cheater u know...I dunno I guess im used to the security of being with him. I know I could do better than him because I have done in the past..Oh I dunno:( I'm too stoned to think straight i guess. And its nasty when things like this happen cuz u start blaming urself for the shit they do. I just cant believe hes done this to me U know?! I had PLENTY of opportunities to cheat on him..But I didnt..now I wish I had..bastard! Lol

[KottonMouthSara]

wow you should confront him on that last bit, cmon 20 times a day? are you guys on a continous fight?

Yeh...i'm always picking fights with him...and always bringing it up but he does the exact opposite of what I want him to do...he sits there and takes all the abuse I give him by saying how much he loves me and blah blah

[KottonMouthSara]

Red flags are everywhere. You need to let this one go.

I know but its so hard:(

[buginabassbin]

ditch him. do your self a favour and have nothing more to with him. you have already proved to yourself you can't trust him, and this may sound like a dig at you but its not, when he finds out about the snooping you have done he will probably feel the same. not that its your fault at all.

you sound like you are having serious doubts about him and i'd trust your instincts. If you were to get married would you feel like you could trust him 100%?

[KottonMouthSara]

you sound like you are having serious doubts about him and i'd trust your instincts. If you were to get married would you feel like you could trust him 100%?

You are completely and utterly right....and no..i don't think I could trust him.. And if i did stay with him I would be like one of those psycho women who call their husbands 50 times a day to find out where they are...And im not like that at all..

And I know without trust in a relationship theres not gonna be a happy ending.. :(

[Void]

Kill yourself.

[KottonMouthSara]

Kill yourself.


Aww always the sweet one void:)

For fucks sake cheer up and stop getting up everyones ass... :thumbsup:

[Void]

I was just being honest.I mean whatelse is there to do? You live in Belgium you have a cheating no good peice of shit boyfriend.I mean what else is there??!!?? If you can't see it now then your blind.Just end it.Xp

[Void]

Just kidding.

[KottonMouthSara]

I was just being honest.I mean whatelse is there to do? You live in Belgium you have a cheating no good peice of shit boyfriend.I mean what else is there??!!?? If you can't see it now then your blind.Just end it.Xp


Yeh I guess you're all right...i'll see what i'm gonna do...But everyones advice was really true...seriously...thank u guys really...Hugs xxxx

[Ocram]

hey Void you like this site?? If so smartin up man or be gone your choice!

[KottonMouthSara]

Just kidding.

bout what?

[KottonMouthSara]

hey Void you like this site?? If so smartin up man or be gone your choice!


yeh Void...i'd listen to this guy...seriously...u dont wanna get booted do u?

[king kong bong]

kick his ass to the curb.

[KottonMouthSara]

I will...asshole (not u..him) :) Goodnight!!!!!

[Lily420]

Good for you girl, kick his ass to the curb thats enough of his bullshit and toke on! :smokin:

[king kong bong]

maybe you should give him the american history x curb treatment.j/k
no im not
ahahaha

[SensiRide]

Hey Sara
:thumbsup:

This guy thinks he is getting the best of both worlds. You are worth more than that so end it and move on - obviously you wont get over it straight away but I guarantee you there will be someone out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated, in fact, judging by your photo, there will be a queue of guys lining up for you so dont waste your time on your current boyfriend, you wont be able to trust him and you dont want to wait till you are married with a kid or two before this incident will come up in future arguments. Good Luck! Let us know how you get on :)

[KottonMouthSara]

Hey Sara
:thumbsup:

This guy thinks he is getting the best of both worlds. You are worth more than that so end it and move on - obviously you wont get over it straight away but I guarantee you there will be someone out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated, in fact, judging by your photo, there will be a queue of guys lining up for you so dont waste your time on your current boyfriend, you wont be able to trust him and you dont want to wait till you are married with a kid or two before this incident will come up in future arguments. Good Luck! Let us know how you get on :)


Awww thats so sweet....you guuuys :o

Well...I called him up today....and he was giving me some bs about how he called her for some backed up taxes or something...wasn't really paying attention. I really dunno what to do...hes coming to visit me in Belgium this Xmas and hes already booked his ticket...so i think i'll have a proper talk with him face to face then. He started saying how it was only this month he has talked to her loads because of the tax thing and he will bring me his phone records to prove it. So i dunno...but no worries i'll go with my instincts as soon as i get a feeling that somethings not right...but right now i'm just gonna see what will happen in december...Men huh? lol

[ScarlettCrush]

if you know her number, talk to her and listen to her. Not every crazy ex really is crazy, I know because I've been the "insane ex" before in a very similar situation. If he loves you then he will talk with her on three way so you can listen and tell her that it is over, ect. Whatever you need to make it good. If he loved you, then you would never doubt him because you would know by his actions that he loved you. Looks like his mouth keeps saying I love you, but what he does points straight to loser. You know how to treat someone when you love them, so does he treat you like he loves you?
I would not see him over the holidays if I where you, this guy seems like a serious loser and you deserve better. You can do better, you are worth more, you are a beautiful, intelligent woman, you do not need this dog to drag you down and give you fleas.
Judge a man on his actions, not his words. Stop listening to him, and look at him.

[mellow mood]

ask him why he sent those messages to his ex

[KottonMouthSara]

ScarlettCrush, u make a very good point...really well put! And I know if I was someone else listening to some girl whining about her loser fiance I would tell her exactly what you said (not as beautifully put as u) but nevertheless I would have told her to drop the dead weight. But I really think hes making an effort. I'm not back with him, but i'll listen to him when I see him and let him make his point before I do anything. I trust my instincts because everytime I sense somethings not right, it generally isn't...so i'll make sure I make the right decision for me at Xmas...Again, thank u for your point and I will keep in mind what you've said..All of you.

And Mellow Mood...he said he sent those messages because me and him had a fight and he was angry...so I asked him..'everytime ur angry at me ur gonna send a text to ur ex?' He went all quiet so I dunno..I would call her up as ScarlettCrush said but I really don't want to cause any more problems.. She called me up when me and him first got together and she started making these noises down the phone (like she was orgasming) Nice! Then she started messaging me saying she has my mothers number and all this. So I just wanna leave it with her...I really don't wanna get more involved than I already am.

[420purplehaze420]

if because of one fight, he starts kissin his ex's ass he obviously is a loser, dont waste any more time with him....people tend to use lying like its a natural resource over here

[zman0185]

hey ill be honest i didnt read every last thing youve been saying but i think ive heard enough.ive been with my girl for 4 years now and a year of it was long distance and problems did happen.and the one thing ive come to realize is this..if there are any problems at all long distance..they are much much worse than they seem.trust me if youve caught him doing somethin sneaky already then i garrunteee hes doing 100 times worse things.i know i was just like him(ya ya im an asshole).do yourself a favor and drop his lame ass.youll be saving yourself from one whining excuse after another and you will ALWAYS wonder what hes been hiding and you will NEVER be able to trust someone like that.just my opinion sorry if its tough to hear..ps im not an asshole anymore.hurting others like that always comes back on you...zz