Emotional Abuse

[crudemood]

Characteristics of Emotionally Abused People
* Can only guess at what healthy behavior is.

The Main question: Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it?


* Have trouble completing things
* Lie when they don't need to. Lying might have been a survival tactic in the home. (She explains that perhaps the child learned from parents who lied to cover up problems or avoid conflict. Or simply to avoid harsh punishment, or to get needed attention. But as an adult, that tactic is no longer appropriate.)
* Judge themselves without mercy.
* Have trouble accepting compliments.
* Often take responsibility for problems, but not successes.
* Or they go to the other extreme and refuse to take any responsibility for mistakes while trying to take credit for the work of others.
* Have trouble having fun since their childhoods were lost, stolen, repressed.
* Take themselves very seriously or not seriously at all.
* Have difficulty with intimate relationships.
* Expect others to just "know what they want." (They can't express it because they were so often disappointed as children that they learned to stop asking for things.)
* Over-react to things beyond their control.
* Constantly seek approval & affirmation.
* Feel different from others.
* Are extremely loyal, even when facing overwhelming evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.
* Are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
* Tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. (This impulsiveness leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. The result is they spend much energy blaming others, feeling victimized and cleaning up messes.)

I dont know if You all read my other post about my dad, http://boards.cannabis.com/parenting/126205-so-why-do-parents-do.htmlI To answer the main question I couldnt put my finger on what was really wrong with it. So much resentment towards him but I never understood why Until now, Alot of those points I find in myself everday of my life. I knew there was something really bothering me about him, I finally figured it out.. I hate him more than ever now. It sucks so much..

[Jake420]

are you glad you came to this relization?

[crudemood]

Glad, because I finished the first step : identifying the problem. I hate him so much..

What is your relationship like?

* Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it?
* Do you feel that your partner controls your life?
* Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings?
* Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you?
* Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
* Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes?
* Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you are abused is because he loves you?
* Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you?
* Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
* When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag?
* Are you prevented from going to work or school, or from learning English?
* Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin?
* If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny,
* or say you don't deserve anything?
* After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up?
* Does he use the children against you in arguments? Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave?
* Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?
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Frequently ignores your feelings.
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Ridicules or insults your most valued beliefs, gender, sexuality, ability, age or sexual orientation.
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Ridicules or insults your religion, race, heritage, class or language.
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Withholds approval, appreciation, and affection.
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Continually criticizes you, calls you names, shouts at you.
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Humiliates you in private or in public.


How are you affected?

* Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself?
* Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him?
* Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
* Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate?
* Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, alcohol or drug use?
* Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to?
* Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time?
* Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours?
* Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone?

[Coelho]

Crudemood, i think i understand you to an extent... reading your post, it seems like i may have suffered some mild emotional abuse when child also, and it may have damaged some parts of my emotions... so i think i know a bit how you feels like.
I wish i had any words of comfort for you... i only can say im glad that you realized what is your problem, cause, as you said, its the first step to solve it.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with hating your father (or anybody else who did some harm to you). Even cause when you overcome the problems caused by it, your hate will fade away.
Best wishes for you! :)

[Mr. Bubbles]

Jeeze, my mom and I fight like crazy all the time. It's emotionally tough, but I've nowhere else to go so I deal with it.

[ncnavguy]

God thats a searing opening to self introspection. The light it shines cauterizes me and my stupid unbound thoughts. I guess the only problem with cauterizing the wound is the pressure builds up from what the remanants of what should have been.

[beachguy in thongs]

Do you think, maybe, that your creating a personification for you to hate, and take your anger out on?

Try separating him from your father, the one who sowed your seed.

[HighTillIDie]

wow... by reading your first post, it is more evident than ever that i was abused, lol i am a posterchild

bastard father... lol

[thecreator]

I'm glad this is here to help

[wickerbill]

I grew up in the 50s-60s era when things were much different as far as abuse issues were concearned. I grew up in a small farming village which was founded by my father's ancestors. Everyone knew everyone. I suffered tremendous emotional as well as physical abuse. Of course at the time, I just thought that I was the reason. I would pray to "god" every night to either make me "good" or to take my life(that'll show em!) I have a brother & sister, both older, that were encouraged to join in on the abuse by dear old dad. It has had & continues to have serious consequences on my life. By the way, my siblings were not subjected to abuse. I applaud Crudemood for bringing this topic to light. I wonder how many others on this forum has suffered emotional torture?

[Chronisseur]

Very ironic post...good timing:thumbsup:

[Weedhound]

Realize this people......you are now adults.....you make your own choices today....
You do NOT have to live this way but if you want to grow emotionally you have to work at it. Therapy, whatever it takes.....the choice in life is now YOURS!!

[Chronisseur]

Realize this people......you are now adults.....you make your own choices today....
You do NOT have to live this way but if you want to grow emotionally you have to work at it. Therapy, whatever it takes.....the choice in life is now YOURS!!

Preach dat shit sistah! Word up sun, dats dat REALLL shit!:cool:

Seriously though, thats some of the best words on this whole SITE!:thumbsup:

...chk ya mail WH;)

[stinkyattic]

As I've said... Men make their own luck. Children accept the luck that life throws at them.
When you are ready to be an adult, you are ready to WORK for your goals, no matter what they might be.
And a healthy relationship with YOURSELF is a very admirable goal!

[Weedhound]

no e-mail Chron.....:( I'm starting to think it's all just one big come-on......:D

In rereading my earlier post I realize that I forgot to add this part....YES.....BOTH YOU AND LIFE ARE WORTH IT...!!!!! And that's the truth. :)

[stinkyattic]

Hound, I pm'd you his info- I may be to blame; I couldn't remember if there were any spaces or underscores in your email addy.

[birdgirl73]

Realize this people......you are now adults.....you make your own choices today....
You do NOT have to live this way but if you want to grow emotionally you have to work at it. Therapy, whatever it takes.....the choice in life is now YOURS!!
Such wise words. And therapy does so much in not only helping people not live with emotional (or physical) abuse but also in helping make sure it's not passed down to the next generation when they come along. It helps stop that cycle before it jumps up and bites another generation in the butt.

Crudemood, you're so awesome. I wish your dad had known how to be a loving parent. I know you will do it differently!

[make it legal]

You just described my dad 100% in that first post. I can't stand my dad. My mom and I are moving out soon though so my life is going to get better. There's also the fact that he cheated on my mom but oh well I'm getting out.

[beachguy in thongs]

You just described my dad 100% in that first post. I can't stand my dad. My mom and I are moving out soon though so my life is going to get better. There's also the fact that he cheated on my mom but oh well I'm getting out.

That sucks. You don't like him, and, he's dishonest. That's like having an ugly car that breaks down, all the time.