A question to our more socially adept members

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

I really need some advice here. How on Earth do you make small-talk? I know it sounds like an easy question, but I'm really making an effort to stop being a social introvert and socialize more and it's one hell of an effort. I've spent years avoiding people and keeping to myself, so I don't have much in the way of social skill. When I'm talking to people all I can think to talk about is things like politics, philosophy, biology, quantum theory, world events, the sort of things I usually think about. And of course that turns most people off because normal people don't talk about that stuff when they socialize, they talk about the litte things.

So can you guys please give me some tips on how to make small-talk? What should I talk about? How should I guide the conversation? More importantly how on Earth do you social people make it flow so easily and not run out of things to say?:confused:

[iNHALE.xHALE.]

start of with small talk..like how are you, what youve been up too..etc. thatll usually lead on to a more broader convo. which you can keep on going with by talkin about current events..sports..pretty much w/e the ppl your talkin to are into.

you shouldnt stress it...be calm, maybe tell a couple of jokes..the way to make the conversation interesting is to be interested in what the other person is saying..or at least seeming like your interested

[iNHALE.xHALE.]

cool avatar by the way

[thcbongman]

Well I'm socially retarded, you couldn't tell though because I am able to hide it with small talk.

You just have to feel up-beat, and have a smile on your face. That way, at least would rather talk to someone happy, than someone who looks grumpy or shy.

Stay update on the "news," talk about food, everyone can relate to that. Play off what they're saying and ask some questions to keep it going. Throw a witty line here and there.

I'm not great at talking to people, because honestly I hate talking to people. But at least I hide it well! It's not that hard, you just gotta keep doing it, and then it becomes 2nd nature.

[Blitzed]

Say hey, and ask them how their day was, or what they did. Most people love to talk about them selves, then just comment on that. And if they ask you just tell em your day, but not to in depth so you dont weird them out. Also try to look happy and pleasant, it always makes people feel better about you.

[Distortion]

but if you go up to someone you dont know, just bein like hey how you doin would be kinda weird

[GrinS]

but if you go up to someone you dont know, just bein like hey how you doin would be kinda weird

that is the thing to do. so up to someone random on the streets and pratice, act like ur crossing the same street and be like, "HEY!" and punch them in the face.... I do it all the time, works like a charm

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

hmmm, you answers are appreciated guys but this isn't what I'm looking for. I know how to ask "how are you", "what you been up to?". talk about the news and such, but I find that runs out pretty soon. It's moving past the initial pleasantries that I struggle with.

For example, what do you usually talk about when the conversation is "settled in"?

[Blitzed]

It sounds like you have plenty to talk about, you just need the right people to talk to. You need to find people with your same interests.


I re When I'm talking to people all I can think to talk about is things like politics, philosophy, biology, quantum theory, world events, the sort of things I usually think about.



Also talk about hobbies, what you do in your free time, movies, tv, something they are wearing, something they are reading, etc. I just takes getting out their and mingling, and keep things interesting and funny. Personally, your a smart interesting guy, I just think you are being to hard on your self.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

It sounds like you have plenty to talk about, you just need the right people to talk to. You need to find people with your same interests.

Oh I can talk about all that stuff, but everybody still wants some of that more casual talk which I definately need to learn.




Also talk about hobbies, what you do in your free time, movies, tv, something they are wearing, something they are reading, etc. I just takes getting out their and mingling, and keep things interesting and funny. Personally, your a smart interesting guy, I just think you are being to hard on your self.


Those are some good ideas, thanks man! I guess my rejection of TV and pop culture doesn't help but I still love a few shows.
Believe me I'm not being hard on myself, when I socialize even with friends, eventually there's a point where they're obviously not in the mood of intellectualy heavy stuff and that's all that comes to mind.

Keep those suggestions coming my good cannabuddies!

[couch-potato]

Every time you buy gas or go to any market whatsoever make small talk with the owner / worker. Don't start a five minute conversation, just enough so that you can buy your shit then leave. Those people interact with others every work day of their lives, so chances are they will be friendly and you will probably pick up on some of their small talk methods over time. Also going to the park helps as well - elderly folk love to chat.

[Purple Banana]

Talk about Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Everyone talks about them.

Jk.

Pets, towns, cities, restaurants, POT, NASA, Splenda, fish, graph paper, and 19th century architecture.

Best of luck!

EDIT: thcbongman, you're not socially retarded! You're just quiet. But you're a nice guy!

[thcbongman]

hmmm, you answers are appreciated guys but this isn't what I'm looking for. I know how to ask "how are you", "what you been up to?". talk about the news and such, but I find that runs out pretty soon. It's moving past the initial pleasantries that I struggle with.

For example, what do you usually talk about when the conversation is "settled in"?

How long did you think small talk would last? I think you shouldn't be so afraid to be yourself, and say what's on your mind. They'll be some people who would be receptive of it and some who aren't, but you shouldn't feel down that aren't. There are so many people out there, you know?

I known you from wayyy back, and you are a guy who's rich with knowledge, very cool and spiritually aware. You should have no problem engaging in intellectual conversation with the right kind of people, perhaps you are hanging out in the wrong places?

[thcbongman]

Talk about Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Everyone talks about them.

Jk.

Pets, towns, cities, restaurants, POT, NASA, Splenda, fish, graph paper, and 19th century architecture.

Best of luck!

EDIT: thcbongman, you're not socially retarded! You're just quiet. But you're a nice guy!

lol! :P

[vingt.trois]

I have the same problem. I find it's nice to have an activity or something going on in the background that can fill in the gaps in conversation. Have a sitcom rerun in the background, listen to a cool album, go for a walk, suggest going mini-golfing, biking, bowling, something light and fun. Not only do these activities/environments stimulate conversation (sometimes a little bigger than smalltalk), but they also fill in the voids that are otherwise awkward for one or both of you.

Then again, maybe there just aren't many people who can carry on a conversation at the level you'd like them to be carried. It's natural to have people around you that you can have a pleasant conversation with, but don't necessarily talk about anything meaningful -- this happens a lot when you've got peculiar interests. That's okay. Sometimes when you really hope you can get to know someone better, it just doesn't happen. Doesn't "click." That's okay too, even though it sucks a bit.

Someone else suggested making small talk to service clerks and stuff. That might be a good idea! I work in customer service and am always friendly with customers who are friendly with me. It IS a skill, socialization -- little stuff like this will sharpen your skills, gives your more confidence. It did for me, anyway. :jointsmile:

[NextLineIsMine]

I work in a classy restaurant and almost everyday I see painfully awkward couples sitting across from each other yet never talking and looking around at the decor, anywhere but at each other.


Keeping a conversation moving is fundamentally very easy. Gauge their face for interest and bring up new topics until you find one that equally intrigues both of you. Like talk about concerts youve been to, that might lead into the fact you both play guitar or something. Just dont let it stagnate keep the ball rolling by any means necessary until it feels natural I suppose

[Coelho]

I'm not great at talking to people, because honestly I hate talking to people. But at least I hide it well! It's not that hard, you just gotta keep doing it, and then it becomes 2nd nature.

Me too! Thats why i think don Juan's Controled Folly is so useful... anyway...
I used to have the same problems that you... i would stay quiet in a corner, just listening, or with my mind wandering, without saying not even one word...

Then, due some "pressure" of people around me, that kept repeating that i should be more sociable, i started to try to engage conversation. But it was awful. I did put in my mind that the responsability for the talk flow was only mine, so i would became very nervous when some topic ended, and try desperately to find another one to keep the talk going on.

It didnt worked very well, cause when you need a thing to speak, it seems that your mind become empty... or then, if i always found some thing to say, the people could realize that i was "nervous", or trying to lead the talk, cause i always asked a lot of questions, just for keep the talk going.

One day, i realized that in a chat with one people, youre only responsible for half of the conversation. The other people is responsible by the other half. That was a great realization for me. Since then, it has been far easier to chat. When some topic wanes off, if i have another one to start, i do. If not, i stay quiet, and wait for the people start another one. As most people are far more talkative than me, most of time i never had to start many topics, and i leave this work to the people who im talking.

When im talking with one person, i try to pay the most attention i can, try to enter in the topic, so its easier to keep the talk flowing. And, the most important thing is to keep your mind cool. If youre at ease, its far easier to talk, you just need follow the flow. And, also, if youre at ease, the people with you are talking to will feel easier too.

Smiling, laughing, saying some jokes always help. A thing that helps a lot is to show that youre pleased to be talking with the person. For me its one of the hardest things, as like i said, i dislike talking with most people. Anyway, i always have the help of Mother Mary Jane, so its far easier to seem happy and contented when youre somewhat high (NOT too much... only enough for being contented with yourself, enjoying yourself).

The reason why i usually dont like to talk with people is that most of people will talk about things that are not my remotest interest. Im much like you, and the topics i like to talk about (physics, philosophy, altered states of consciousness, spirituality and so) are far from interesting for most people, and what people likes to talk about (TV, sports, politcs, gossip and so) are very boring to me.

So, if you want to talk to most people, you will have to learn to talk about such subjects, even if you dislike them... Like my father used to say, mainly when my mother started to talk some gossip about the doings and misdoings of some children of neighbourhood...
"Superior people talks about ideas,
Commom people talks about facts,
and Inferior people talks about another people's lifes"
sad but true... soon you will discover it, if you dont know already...

A good way for training your talking skills is talking with two people. Its the strategy i always use. If i can help, i never talk to one person alone. So, when youre talking with two persons, you can leave the responsability of the flow of the talk with them, and only make comments, or only say something when you have something to say. In other words, you can keep silent for a while and the talk will not stop because of this. For me, commenting on other person's talk is far easier than keeping a conversation myself.

Well... im sure there was something else i had to say... but my stoner memory is not helping me very much...
Anyway, good luck! :thumbsup:

[bunnyc]

Don't be phony,just talk about whatever you feel like talking about.

The more "in-depth" conversations are always more about things that dominate a big part of ones life.
Just think about something that takes up a lot of your time and life and talk.
Small talk is the route towards "big talk" so just think about what leads up to "big talk".

Try not to be overly normal and don't be stressed,chatting is to relax and meet people.

See y'all:rastasmoke:.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Coelho, that thing your father said is one of the best sayings I've ever heard. I would only call people "inferior" or "superior" in a particular sense regarding conversation topics, but it's so true. Some of the most stupid, bitchy people I've met talk about nothing but other people, particularily citicizing them.


lol, you pretty much described exactly how conversations go for me too. The second a topic ends it's massive internal anxiety with my brain "oh shit! Think or something, think of something, think of something.....".

You know what though, screw it, I think you guys (bunnyc for one, thanks man:thumbsup:) are right and if I run out of small talk I will just whip out the big guns and talk about quantum physics, or philosophy, or biology, politics etc. These things have infinite potential and while I do notice people give me kind of a blank look when I bring them up, I guess I'll just separate the compatible from the not. After all, what's converstion without intellectual stimulation?

[BlAzInIt4:20]

honestly if your trying to make small talk, talk about life and what's going on. Talk about the major issues on the news as in the hurricane. Also talk about urself, and how your day is if they fail to return the question back.


example: i saw an old friend a couple day's ago.

I asked how she was doing, if she was married, if she had children, How her job was, and what did she do, and if she enjoyed it, She works night shift so i commented graveyard sucks, She agreed. I then told her she was beautiful and she smiled at me..

its easy dude, it dosnt take a professor to make small talk...

[Gothen]

I think you're just trying to hard. I'm a hermit, damn near a recluse, and completely anti-social. But, back in the day I was always, always really good with people; I was always able to talk to strangers and stuff. As I got older, even though I became more anti-social, my social skills haven't deadened any.

In speech there is a name for what you're doing, I can't remember what the word is now, but the definition is, basically, saying or acting in a certain manner only to gain the acceptance of your target audience. Same goes with social speaking and conversational skills; if you think too hard on what to say or do, you're just doing it to gain the acceptance of your target [whoever].

Be yourself. Talk about what you want to talk about. If the people you surround yourself with are into what you are into, you'll get along; speaking about "little things" just for the sake of trying to win a few people over is good for you, ya?

[Gothen]

I think you're just trying to hard. I'm a hermit, damn near a recluse, and completely anti-social. But, back in the day I was always, always really good with people; I was always able to talk to strangers and stuff. As I got older, even though I became more anti-social, my social skills haven't deadened any.

In speech there is a name for what you're doing, I can't remember what the word is now, but the definition is, basically, saying or acting in a certain manner only to gain the acceptance of your target audience. Same goes with social speaking and conversational skills; if you think too hard on what to say or do, you're just doing it to gain the acceptance of your target [whoever].

Be yourself. Talk about what you want to talk about. If the people you surround yourself with are into what you are into, you'll get along; speaking about "little things" just for the sake of trying to win a few people over is good for you, ya?

Plus, I've found that if you're anti-social, as you seem to be, the best thing to do is just let someone else start conversation and follow the breadcrumbs they leave in their wake.

[Pass That Shit]

Gandalf,

Based on the chatter we were all having in the chat room, I don't think you're anti-social at all. :jointsmile:

If I understand you correctly, you want to get down to the "nuts and bolts" with people. If this is the case, I think you should be selective in your small talk. As others suggested, make small talk about current events, but you should be selective in your small talk so it can go where you would like it. Don't bring up an athlete if you don't want to talk sports all night.

Act like you're interviewing people with your small talk. For example, if you want to talk politics, bring up political news, and see if they bite and talk politics. You are trying to find out if they have the same interests in your type of conversations. Then the ones that bite on your bait, will go where you would like it, and the ones that don't, you can just keep it at the small talk level and move on.

Damn, this post made me a member of the 1,000 post club here @ Cannabis.com! :D

I'm curious to how many members are part of this club? :cool:

[Mr. Bubbles]

Small talk is just that. Talk about vague, general topics that lead to more detailed discussion.

[Oh My High]

I really need some advice here. How on Earth do you make small-talk? I know it sounds like an easy question, but I'm really making an effort to stop being a social introvert and socialize more and it's one hell of an effort. I've spent years avoiding people and keeping to myself, so I don't have much in the way of social skill. When I'm talking to people all I can think to talk about is things like politics, philosophy, biology, quantum theory, world events, the sort of things I usually think about.
Hmmm.... that strikes a little too close to home. By any chance, do you happen to have Asperger Syndrome?

[make it legal]

Gandalf,

Based on the chatter we were all having in the chat room, I don't think you're anti-social at all. :jointsmile:

If I understand you correctly, you want to get down to the "nuts and bolts" with people. If this is the case, I think you should be selective in your small talk. As others suggested, make small talk about current events, but you should be selective in your small talk so it can go where you would like it. Don't bring up an athlete if you don't want to talk sports all night.

Act like you're interviewing people with your small talk. For example, if you want to talk politics, bring up political news, and see if they bite and talk politics. You are trying to find out if they have the same interests in your type of conversations. Then the ones that bite on your bait, will go where you would like it, and the ones that don't, you can just keep it at the small talk level and move on.

Damn, this post made me a member of the 1,000 post club here @ Cannabis.com! :D

I'm curious to how many members are part of this club? :cool:

lol, What's the thousand post club? Can I join, seeing as I have over 1000 posts?


Yeah that was a joke.

[Coelho]

Hmmm.... that strikes a little too close to home. By any chance, do you happen to have Asperger Syndrome?

I may be wrong, but if i remember well, once he told us that his brother have it.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Heh, good memory Coelho. Yeah my brother has it, and I've never been clinically diagnosed with it, I don't have it really, but I've definately always exhibited some symptoms. From my late teens down I would have repetetive patterns I'd do in my head, I had OCD about a few things like keeping doors shut, I never had much in the way of social skill. Oddly though I have great skill in that I can make people crack up with off-the-fly jokes. When I started practicing meditation and studying buddhism I for some reason clued into how to act normal around people, 100%. Now I just gotta get better at chatting lol. Plus being in large groups of people makes my fight-or-flight response kick in for no reason and I just wanna get out of there.

[Blitzed]

GtG, I just got a crazy stoned idea... but it might actually be good. I bet some speed dating could help, definatly get you to come up with things quick, maybe not to pick up chicks, cause you dont want to pick up chicks from speed dating. But just as like conversational practice.

Im just throwing that one out there... lmao! :jointsmile:

[WeedyBoyWonder]

I'm a telecanvaser and make small talk in the office and on the phone ALL day, most days.

It's really not difficult, I just say what I'm thinking.

E.G
I walk into the room and see its 12:55. "FUCK, its 12:55 already? What's up with that, times gone well quick!" and then others will agree or whatever.

Small talk is mostly about opinions, whether you think that girl is fit or fat, and sociable bitching. Not in a bad way, but just talking about people (e.g work colleges, friends, your mum).

Things you watched on the telly last night, what you're going to do at the weekend and simple things.

I don't think about talking, I just talk. I say whatever I'm thinking.

Remember you don't always have to initialize the conversation, you can reply to what others are saying and chat in other peoples already going conversations.

The things you like and think about can be conversation starters if you're making small talk with a person that maybe slightly interested in them things.

Above all, don't think about it to much, just talk and soon you will be rolling and have much more sociable confidence.

[angry nomad]

Well, Gandalf. Those are the things I like to talk about.

Let me tell, you I have been there, and learned a lot from it. I used to be very socially awkward. Now I am confident, and can talk to anyone. It was a long process, and it took a lot of years. What helped me out:

-acting: any type of public performance will give you confidence

-reading books on communication: You Just Don't Understand was a good one.

-acknowledge individual poor social habits, then taking deliberate steps to break them.
the ones I personally struggled with a lot were these:

1. Talking when nobody's listening. I used to get overly excited when someone would talk to me, I would verbally vomit on them on one topic for 10 minutes. If they were bored, I would keep going until I was done. I learned to look for signs of boredom: (looking away, yawning, glazed look in the eye, shifting) then I would just ask them a question about themselves, or if I felt they were being rude, I just shut my mouth mid-sentence and say nothing.

2. Interrupting Ironically, sometimes it's the shy ones that interrupt the most. Also I used to have this vague feeling of intellectual superiority. Interrupting, though rude, is natural part of conversation. If you interrupt, only do it to ask the other person a question, for clarification or a detail of a story. Only interrupt to change a subject if it is making someone in the room uncomfortable.

3. Recycling old topics. I am a deep thinker, so I would think quietly on a topic for 10 minutes, then I would bring it up, even though the conversation had already changed subject 5 or 6 times. Now I just drop it.

4. Talking to people that didn't like me.
Why would someone not like me? I have no clue. Maybe I remind them of the guy they found banging their older sister on the hood of their car last weekend. I have what I call a "familiar face." (People always think they know me from somewhere.) But, sometimes, you are going to feel awkward because the other person is trying to make you feel that way because they are just an asshole. In that case, talk to someone else, or just find an excuse to completely leave. I have found it's usually a tall fat guy that hates me, or a short little fucker.

5. Not wanting to acknowledge that a lot of people are idiots. At least in my country, there are a lot of fucking idiots. My old roommate was a dull bulb. He is a very nice guy, and a good person, but he just isn't too bright. I pretty much just talked to him about chicks, getting drunk, and work... that's about it. And I lived with him for a year. Some people are what I call "3Topics". They just have three topics they talk about. Example: Football, beer, chicks. It is pointless to talk to them about anything else because that is all they talk about, and they are morons.

6. Poor posture. This is something I struggle with, and have been for 15 years. But, good posture helps a lot.

7. Eye contact. I used to look at the ground a lot when I talked to people, because I was thinking. Look at their face, and look away sometimes naturally.

8. Speaking from my nose. A friend of mine in high school used to make fun of my nasally voice, but I did not know I had a nasally voice. I thought he was just joking and making it up. It wasn't until I was 27 when a friend of mine said, "You have a nasally voice, dude." Of course I got defensive, "No I don't that's just how it sounds." Well, I learned from him it is not natural, and I learned how to talk from my gut. Also, I would constrict my throat when talking due to anxiety which makes your voice higher. I found I have a mellow masculine baritone voice when I relax and speak from my diaphragm, instead of my throat.

9. Appearance, I slowly gave myself a makeover. Shaved my unibrow and moustache, started working out, wore a little more trendy clothes. I spent extra to have a nicer haircut. I got contacts. Watch What Not To Wear or Ten Years Younger on The Learning Channel, and you will learn a lot.

10. Smell. I always keep deodorant in my car glove box or in my backpack, just in case. I also pay more for a name brand cologne.

I am not saying you have any of these problems, but if you do, some of these solutions might help.

Maybe when you feel like you "run out of things to say" the person isn't interested in that topic, or maybe they want to talk about themselves for a bit, or maybe you guys just don't vibe. So, try changing the subject, ask them about themselves, or find a way to excuse yourself. If you are at a party, excuse yourself to get a drink, food, go to the bathroom, smoke or something.

Gandalf, I have read quite a few of your posts, and you are an interesting person. Just remember that you are cool. If someone seems bored by you, more likely than not, they are just a boring person, and not worth your time.

[ReUp]

If it's a girl just let them talk and say "yea" "sweet" "Oh really?" and anything else that keeps them talking. Makes you look sweet.

[rebgirl420]

I always bring up music, the t.v., then maybe throw something funny in. try to find a common interest and build!

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Angry Nomad, about half that stuff I do have a bad habbit of doing, that was a damn good post!

Anywhoo interesting developement, I realized just how mentally sedated I've been this past year from all the painkillers I'm on every day. So I went to the doc and told him I'm starting school and having trouble concentrating (painkillers having me stoned/sedated and all, I HATE it!) and he gave me some Ritalin to counteract it. Oh man I have SO MUCH ENERGY now and my mental capacity is working again! I had forgotten what it's like to see the world clearly, but my potential is unlocked and I'll be able to socialize so much better now. HAHAHahaha, this is awsome. :jointsmile:

Thankyou all so much for your suggestion though, this won't cure my social issues of course, it's just a huge help taking my brain out of the fog. You guys rock!:thumbsup:

[crudemood]

i ask alot of questions, whether i want to know or not, i just ask ask ask. lol

[JD1stTimer]

Something I try sometimes is just pretend I'm mildly retarded. Then I can talk about Britney Spear's shaved head and whether she's wearing a wig or she tok some new like.. medcines and stuff that could make it, like grow way more than regular hair. Like 50 times more faster for real. I heard about that stuff. This, like chinese guy from .. uhh... Japan or whatever invented it from like his chemical stuff or whatever. That's an example of how to talk with most people you meet. I know it's difficult at first, because you won't have any idea what you're talking about, and neither will the other person. But they won't notice or care. ;)

[GraziLovesMary]

wiiiiieeeeerrrddd... so I tried posting this last night I think (or rather at like 5 in the morning) and I guess it didnt work, I was so bummed. But I went to the quick reply box and pasted it... apparantly it was still on the clipboard :D so this is what I had to say last night lol. :p

Alright Gandalf, here we go my friend: I think Coelho had the best advice so far. Knowing what to say is only half of the conversation. The other half is knowing when to allow the conversation to wax and wane. Just because the last topic died down, doesnt mean it is either over, or that it must continue. Maybe your conversator would like a moment to allow a point, or an impression from that part of the conversation to sink in. Look off into whatever scenery is present, or if there is none, look inward and appear contemplative, which will possibly mirror the others sentiments, and will give you time to think of how to carry the conversation to the next step. It will also present you with the format to make that transition smoothly.

If you and your conversation partner are facing as such that they are partially dividing their attention towards other activities or events, allow your attention to shift from the conversation to what they seem to be studying. Try to scrutinize their level of focus on the subject they are contemplating, just to get a face value for their take on the subject, then scrutinize it yourself and form an opinion about it. Lastly, either make an offhand remark based upon your new opinion, or ask her offhandedly what hers is, in a curious, but distracted manner. Great conversation can evolve from this. This method is great for starting small talk with somebody you have never seen nor met before.

The final thing to remember about the dynamics of fluid conversation is that it follows a rythym. If one person has a very fast rythym of conversation, it might not mesh well with somebody that is in the mood for a much slower rythym. Start talking in what you judge to be a neutral, or close to neutral rythym and tone. Begin to mold your format to compliment hers. It doesnt have to match or be equal or anything.. sometimes you will get softer when she gets louder, faster when she gets slower, or vice versa. (man thats not meant to sound perverted) Sometimes you will both get faster or louder at the same point in conversation... once all involved in a conversation are fully engaged, it takes on a life of its own. Topics spring from ideas that came from words that the other person spoke.

Attempting to begin an engaging conversation with somebody is equivocal to writing the blurb on the back of a book. You want to engage the reader as quickly as possible, get them excited about the topic, and convince them to read the book. With conversation, its not quite that easy. People dont want to hear pre-fabricated lines, and they arent going to stand around and listen to an entire speil if they dont know you or dont feel like it. The supplement for that is body language. Spend time in front of a mirror until you are confident that the body language that you are displaying is sending exactly the messages that you want to send.

The easiest thing to talk about, and the thing she is most guaranteed to have an opinion(and thus, a response) about is your surroundings. Observe them, be very aware of them. And form opinions about them. Decide which one is the most interesting or intriguing, or one which you can use to make her laugh.. such as to lead into a funny observation that you made either previously or right there.

Lastly, just be yourself and remember if you are nervous that doesnt mean talk more, it means talk less lol. If she is allowing a silence in the conversation.. let her have it! You dont need to fill every gap with what will quite soon be recognized as a desparate search for conversation. Be mellow and nonchallant.. casual.

Good luck bro! I got faith in ya!


I also wanted to add something that I was thinking of today, and that is the fact that I am horrible at small talk. That and the lack of body language are the biggest reasons I hate talking on the phone. However, that has not stopped me from having the most meaningful conversations in my life with the most amazing people, some of which I had never met, some of which I never expected in my life. The point is, dont let the lack of interest or ability with small talk make you nervous or get you down. Just steer or allow the conversation to progress towards something that you like but arent good at. Something you want to improve. Perhaps she knows a bit about it. Perhaps shes good at it, perhaps not. Perhaps shes not interested. Just allow it to get quiet and appear introspective as you think of something else to say lol. It really is that simple. Good luck again bro.

[hero3279]

You shouldn't have to. I'm like that. People may call it ignorance if you don't make an effort but what the hell. Why should you have to yak an talk about any old bullshit to be comfortable. Wouldn't you rather talk to someone about what YOU like and the person will understand you and like you for who you are, without getting bored.

Everyone's so hung up on this notion that we have some sort of obligation to change ourselves in order to become 'normal' in society.

Talk about what YOU want. Talk to who YOU want. And if it's meant to be, you'll click with people. Sorry if it seems like a rant but I don't think you should HAVE to create small talk. You either click with someone, or you don't.

[angry nomad]

Angry Nomad, about half that stuff I do have a bad habbit of doing, that was a damn good post!

Anywhoo interesting developement, I realized just how mentally sedated I've been this past year from all the painkillers I'm on every day. So I went to the doc and told him I'm starting school and having trouble concentrating (painkillers having me stoned/sedated and all, I HATE it!) and he gave me some Ritalin to counteract it. Oh man I have SO MUCH ENERGY now and my mental capacity is working again! I had forgotten what it's like to see the world clearly, but my potential is unlocked and I'll be able to socialize so much better now. HAHAHahaha, this is awsome. :jointsmile:

Thankyou all so much for your suggestion though, this won't cure my social issues of course, it's just a huge help taking my brain out of the fog. You guys rock!:thumbsup:

Well, thanks, a lot, Gandalf. Have you tried eating some good indicas, and reducing the painkillers? That would be nice if it worked.

[beachguy in thongs]

i ask alot of questions, whether i want to know or not, i just ask ask ask. lol

Do you always ask a lot of questions, or, just when you're not interested?

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Well, thanks, a lot, Gandalf. Have you tried eating some good indicas, and reducing the painkillers? That would be nice if it worked.

Yep I agree, indica's are way better for the pain, but seem to be kind of rare too. I can only smoke maximum 2x a week in low-moderate doses, or the weed stops killing pain and actually makes it way worse (weired I know :wtf: ).

But I'm not depressed about being in pain anymore, I'm actually pretty damn happy these days!:smokin:

Have a good one my fellow stoner buddy:jointsmile:

[gonzo88]

Well, being from the same boat as you, I found that if you find out what the person(s) like and go from there. Ask questions about them, then ask about that topic. For example, just ask if they read. If they do ask who is their favorite author, what's they're favorite genre of books. Try to be vague, don't seem like your obsessing over the subject. But enough that you seem interested in it. Don't make everything you say a question but make it so they are still open to throw their opinion in there. Another great thing is sports. Most all guys pay attention, maybe not follow it, but pay attention to sports. And that is great doorway to conversation. Hopefully this helps...goodluck!