I hate him but I want to love him.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I used to have the problem that I'd never want to leave my boyfriend, as some as you remember. I was extremely dedicated and in love, or some shit. Now, I hate him. He makes me cringe, when he tries to fuck me..I get nauseas, when he talks to me I completely ignore him, anything he does is WRONG in my eyes, but without reasoning.

A few weeks ago I was madly in love, and now I'm so disgusted with him I don't know what to do. I've tried to dump him several times and each time he doesn't leave..he won't accept it even though he's tried to dump me as well (although he kind of just acted like it never happened, because I accepted the break-up).

Right now, I feel like I'm just humoring him, yet I'm treating him like complete SHIT, worse then I've ever treated anyone. I ignore him when he texts me then yell at him for not talking to me. I'm rude and moody but only towards him. Why do I have a sudden hatred for a boy I wanted to marry?

We have had our share fair of fighting, mostly caused by him (when I was still in love) and he used to really fuck with me emotionally, but I never did anything about it. I sat their and took it with a smile, so to speak. Could me bottling up my emotions THEN be effecting my feelings for him NOW?

The only *real* flaw with him now is that he's an alcoholic, but not in an abusive way or anything, just always reeking of booze. Other then that he's being the "perfect" boyfriend. Yet I still find the stench of beer and liquor absolutely raunchy.

I want to love him but I just can't.

What do I do? Help!

[ganjzilla]

if you really want out the only thing to do is set him down and tell him, because if u really feel this way its not goin to go anywhere

[Mex]

Yeah you gotta just tell people what you feel, that's always the easiest way.

[thcbongman]

You are deeply invested in him emotionally. You want to do whatever it takes to keep him together. I think you deeply care for him. I don't think you love him.

I know you heard it from many of us from here, but it's time to let him go, for his sake and yours. You can't love someone you despise.

[Blitzed]

You are deeply invested in him emotionally. You want to do whatever it takes to keep him together. I think you deeply care for him. I don't think you love him.

I know you heard it from many of us from here, but it's time to let him go, for his sake and yours. You can't love someone you despise.

Amen

[Storm Crow]

"Why do I have a sudden hatred for a boy I wanted to marry?"

"he used to really fuck with me emotionally"
"he's an alcoholic... always reeking of booze"
"We have had our share fair of fighting, mostly caused by him"


This is the guy you wanted to marry? :wtf: :eek::question: I'm just wondering why you think this guy is remotely marriageable? He's got his 3 strikes- he's out! Actually, I think your present reaction is way closer to being sensible!

"He makes me cringe, when he tries to fuck me..I get nauseas, when he talks to me I completely ignore him, anything he does is WRONG in my eyes" ( I note that's "fuck", not "make love".)

I think you are simply "wising up" to who he is and who he may become! Your common sense (or higher power) is telling you this is NOT your soulmate! Emotional abuse ( which often leads to physical abuse) + alcoholism + argumentative nature = Something less than an optimal spouse!

If all else fails, change the locks and give him a "Cherokee divorce" -all his stuff outside the door- it's not too hard to get the idea then, even if he is dense! (In the matrilocal Cherokee society, women owned the house and fields, and divorce was just that simple! They also selected the chiefs.)- Anyway, pay attention to your gut feeling, it's usually right- kick him to the curb!

There are far more stoner dudes than gals :thumbsup: - you get to take your pick! No reason to stay with that loser!

Good luck, hon- Granny:hippy:

[MadSativa]

BFA buy not telling him what you didnt like in the beggining you reasured him that his actions were wanted. All those little things (which are not that little emotional playing is the muther of all fukups) that you didnt like are now amplified buy weeks of him thinking thats what you want. He wont change and you wont change what has to change is the situation. Break it off by not giving him any outs, simply say I dont feel for you the same anymore, he will probly want to fight your dicision but dont give him an outs if he says I love you, you say I know but the felling is not muttual, If he says thats not what you felt last week then tell him it is no longer last week. You dont have to be mean or yell at him but the way it sounds hes gonna hound you for a while. Dont answer his phone calls if he pulls the calling from a friends phone and you answer, just say Im sorry but we cant talk cause its over and hang up. Unless you want to carry on like you have been you have to end it. No just friends no break up sex just bye. Better to have love and lost than not loved at all, And next time mabey you shouldnt bottle up everything, your a smart and yong hottie but you are putting your self in these situations, although Im sure alot was mutual between the both of you.

[cannabis campbell]

Hey BFA I know exactly how you feel im sure we've all been there but I think you have to ask yourself do you really want to dump him and end it forever because if you do then you cant really say you love him, I know what you mean though when you say you just want to love him but you cant and from my experience I think i have the answer, its that you need to give each other space if your with each other every single day or for long periods of time then you just get fed up of each other and your bodys basically reacting to that and just picking at him for little things because what you really want to say (subconsciously) is FUCK OFF GIVE ME SOME SPACE, obviously thats just from my experience I could be wrong for all I know you only see him once a week but thats most likely a common reason.

[Blitzed]

Yeah, a break might be a good thing, tell him he needs to change his ways if he wants to keep you. In my relationships the girls always seem to have controll over me, and Id do 95% of what they ask me to do, and Im sure its the same in most relationships. After a couple weeks if he said he will change and you trust him, go back. If he doesnt than go out and have some fun.

I mean you can always road trip to IL, and come party with me! :stoned:

[BlAzInIt4:20]

sounds like you have already made up your mind.. now it's time to accept and forgive and forget. It was good while it lasted thats how i think of it. Their are so many people in this world im sure you can find urself someone that wont make you cringe in bed. your beautiful.. and seems like you have an okay head on your shoulders. You jsut need to start thinking of yourself more and what makes you happy. don't be so worried about everyone else. He will be okay its okay to let go, when its time its time...

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Yeah, a break might be a good thing, tell him he needs to change his ways if he wants to keep you. In my relationships the girls always seem to have controll over me, and Id do 95% of what they ask me to do, and Im sure its the same in most relationships. After a couple weeks if he said he will change and you trust him, go back. If he doesnt than go out and have some fun.

I mean you can always road trip to IL, and come party with me! :stoned:

If anyones doing any kind of road trip its either me to her. or her to me LMAO...

:D:D:thumbsup:

[Blitzed]

:( Maybe a three way road trip, in a winnabago(sp?), lol!

[BlAzInIt4:20]

:( Maybe a three way road trip, in a winnabago(sp?), lol!


okie dokie we will make a pit stop.. lol

[WeedyBoyWonder]

See a future with an alcoholic who you hate? Sounds simple to me.

[Blitzed]

okie dokie we will make a pit stop.. lol

Good, cause Im the life of the party! I guess we need BFA's approval on our great plan though..

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Good, cause Im the life of the party! I guess we need BFA's approval on our great plan though..

that's very true...

we have two lifes of the partys if your one also :jointsmile:

[rebgirl420]

Just so you and everyone knows: I am not trying to be mean here in any way. I just think you need someone to tell you the hard truth or this cycle is NEVER going to end with you and him.

Has the reality brick not hit you hard enough? What does it take for you to realize your causing your own pain. Girl, I love ya hun but you are causing all of this to happen. I think you feed from the emotional bullshit you and him have going. You are in an unhealthy cycle and you say you want out but you go back for more each time. If you REALLY wanted to drop that guy you would. If you want to end the pain and suffering leave him COMPLETELY. I dont care if he wants to keep coming back. CUT HIM OFF LIKE THE CANCER HE IS. Your maintaining your strength and then caving in. You have to be STRONG. S-T-R-O-N-G! You know damn well what you need to do. Either your in or out. He's a fucking alcoholic! Do you know what that entails in your future if you would decide to get married? Your gonna end up on Cops with a boyfriend who is a drunken fool and who also does other drugs (you said that before yourself). You so know you could do better. You deserve better! Your sexy and smart and you make us all laugh here. Dont sell yourself short with this loser.

[rebgirl420]

Take a stab at these websites:

The Safe Space (http://www.thesafespace.org/relationships101.html)

Break the Cycle of Bad Relationships (http://www.singlescafe.net/bad-relationships.html)


Or just google "unhealthy relationships" or "break an unhealthy cycle"

[420MissHighTimes420]

BFA buy not telling him what you didnt like in the beggining you reasured him that his actions were wanted. All those little things (which are not that little emotional playing is the muther of all fukups) that you didnt like are now amplified buy weeks of him thinking thats what you want. He wont change and you wont change what has to change is the situation. Break it off by not giving him any outs, simply say I dont feel for you the same anymore, he will probly want to fight your dicision but dont give him an outs if he says I love you, you say I know but the felling is not muttual, If he says thats not what you felt last week then tell him it is no longer last week. You dont have to be mean or yell at him but the way it sounds hes gonna hound you for a while. Dont answer his phone calls if he pulls the calling from a friends phone and you answer, just say Im sorry but we cant talk cause its over and hang up. Unless you want to carry on like you have been you have to end it. No just friends no break up sex just bye. Better to have love and lost than not loved at all, And next time mabey you shouldnt bottle up everything, your a smart and yong hottie but you are putting your self in these situations, although Im sure alot was mutual between the both of you.
:thumbsup:Listen to him You need to just CUT HIS ASS OUT! You desrve to have someone who is as wonderful as YOU are. You don't need his bullshit, and he sounds a bit obsessive and controlling and like he isn't going to let you go any time soon . And he isn't going to want you to go because he knows that your too good for him. He can't get anyone nearly as great as you because most people who are as smart and beautiful as you wouldn't deal with that sort of bullshit. And trust me I know how hard it can be to end it, but you have to be strong. In a month or so you will be so happy and proud of yourself for letting him go that you will laugh at yourself for not doing it soonerr. So like MadSativa said don't answer his calls! Dont answer his friends calls, no IM's no Emails, no NOTHING. Becuase by the sounds of it he will try his hardest to manipulat you into being back with him. And from a lot of experince from being in relationships just like yours sometimes being friends after doesn't work. And this guy isn't someone who you should be friends with. I know your strong, so be strong towards him. Stand up for yourself. You know what you need to do. Best luck sweetie I hope everything gets better.

[Weedhound]

I love what Storm Crow said but the reality of it is that Rebgirl pinned it perfectly. We really ARE masters of our own fate. Nobody does anything to you that you don't let them.....in one way or another. (I'm talking about people here....not life in general)

Part of what is hard for you BFA is your age. You quite simply have not seen anything but a teeny little portion of the world so you have zero idea what is out there. I don't mean that in a cruel way.....I was absolutely the same way then. There is no way of realizing how many different options there are in life until you actually go look. Experiences are what make up life. Go do some. The more the better.

We honestly do make our own choices with others in life.

[Bob the Awesome]

BFA, I went through something similar recently... a month ago, my girlfriend dropped me, she had randomly grown distant to me a couple months prior and one day ended it. I felt horrible, as things couldn't have been more perfect when the relationship started.

It hurts... I assume you're like me, always working on the relationship, wanting it to work. Even after we broke up, at first I tried to make things better... stay close. But it doesn't work. Every day I talk to her I feel horrible for hours afterwards.

Just listen to everyone else, and move on. It's hard, but eventually the change takes effect and your life will be novel, interesting, and enjoyable once again. Change is inevitable, just flow with it :jointsmile:

[O. G. ganja smoker]

im not gonna tell u what to do that is your life. but u were in puppy love thats why u dont have sex right away to see if its really love or just a fling. BFA ur probly the one whos posts I ALWAYS read i dont know why its just that way, but ive been readin up on shit u have been doin and not to be fucked cuz ur really cool but... the relation ship sounds like its not one that will last. i know how u r theres just some people who are on a different level and ur one of them ur a really str8 forward type of person (not generally with ur guy) but in how u are in LIFE. U want real love and are capable of giving that but, the defining factor IS HE!!! one last thing an alcoholic and a stoner just dont mix History shows that just look at our gov. in moderation maybe but than there not truely an alcoholic. i to know that fealing of wanting to love someone to but bottom line is it just wont work out that way it has there has to be an equal amount of love for one another. but just feel lucky i posted this one u lil punk cause i usually never post on topics of Love but in ur case this is an exception later G and take care.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

first of all, thank you ALL for your support and advice, i (as always) very much appreciate it. (Especially O.G who made an exception for me)

secondly, I'm totally down for a road trip :D

third, I'm really taking everything you all said into consideration (mostly..DITCH HIM..duh ;) ) and within the next week or two the relationship will be over with..for good.

I love you all!

[Blitzed]

Lets see, we need a little list of items..

1. winnebago
2. Couple pounds of pot
3. Lots of alcohol

We need to start working on this check list, lol! :jointsmile:

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Lets see, we need a little list of items..

1. winnebago
2. Couple pounds of pot
3. Lots of alcohol

We need to start working on this check list, lol! :jointsmile:


well lets see id like to take my pillow and blanky. And maybe some clothes. We BETTER have some crown royal. And some purps, juicy fruit, sour D, Master Kush.

Also... i will bring my hackie sacks... becaus ei like to play and i will force everyone to play with me.. lol sorry..

[GraziLovesMary]

damn... ive been planning a road trip for like a year now.. lol

[BlAzInIt4:20]

damn... ive been planning a road trip for like a year now.. lol

lol a year? Iv been planing for less then a month.. i wonder if it will ever go through..

I also am planing on driving across country and back take about a month during winter. i want to drive up to canada and go snowbaording OH YEAH.. then hit everything else on the way down like new york, philly, well everywere... i love to travel.. florida georgia.. you know..

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I think we should ALL road trip and meet up at a certain spot, and have a huge party then continue on our ways :)

[cannabis campbell]

Im in looks like my car will be fucked by the time I get there. :(

[GraziLovesMary]

Im down for the mass roadtrip/reunion/meeting/smokefest/whateverelsefest:D lol

Haha CC just take a cruise across the pacific, or fly over here, we got yo back.

[Blitzed]

CC, seems like the the guy that talks all the time, its cool though, cause I like to talk too, but my friends are mostly quiet.

[420MissHighTimes420]

damn a road trip would be the shit! we should do it ken keasy styl. The Further II


and a big cannabis reunion? or w.e. would be awsome. we should have it in the middle of the country and everyone has to wear shirts with there avatar picture on it hahahahah

[BlAzInIt4:20]

i think us stoners have tal;ked abour road trips in alot of threads LMAO i remember tlaking about road trips before.. WERE STONERS it will never happen lmao

[GraziLovesMary]

CC, seems like the the guy that talks all the time, its cool though, cause I like to talk too, but my friends are mostly quiet.

CC is tha shiznittle van zip zap dizzle..

And I know one day Im road trippin.. that shit is GOING to happen. So it was written, so shall it be.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Well, I dumped him. :jointsmile:

[GraziLovesMary]

Well, I dumped him. :jointsmile:

Hell yeah girl :thumbsup: get it girl! get it, get it get it girrll!

[Blitzed]

Good for you! I bet you feel free and relieved now. Smoke a fat one! :jointsmile:

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Well, I dumped him. :jointsmile:

HUGGZZZZZ

CONGRATSS

[Storm Crow]

GOOD GIRL!and about time!:thumbsup: It's Friday- who's got a party going on? Put on that sexy outfit, smoke a fattie, and go dancing! It's good therapy! LOL- Granny:hippy:

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Hell yeah girl :thumbsup: get it girl! get it, get it get it girrll!

hahah this made me smile

[GraziLovesMary]

hahah this made me smile

:D :)