Im always just the friend...

[Straightupg]

so i met this new girl about 2 weeks ago, shes really chill and we hung out for the day. i found she had a bf, but still wants to hang with me this weekend (she lives 3 hours away). she called me tonight and we talked, some on how her bf is being stupid and almost pushing sex on her. (theyve been together for about a monnth and a half now). shes not comfortable doing it yet, and as i told her, its a big emotial change and could end up being a problem. i told her not to let him make the decisions for her and to stand up for herself. she agreed to this, and said thanks, we talked about other stuff, and hanging out this sunday. this seems to happen when i start to like a girl, its almost like we just become friends, and i give advice all the time. (apparantly good advice)
idk what to do, i really wanna be more than friends with her

[couch-potato]

If you want to be more than just friends, let her know. Guess what? Unless given some other agenda, most instances where you just talk to a girl and give her advice are going to end up in friendship!


Do you want to bang the people that give you life advice? I don't see Dr. Phil starring in many porn flicks, so I would assume NO.

[Iambreathingin]

Tell her exactly how you feel.

[Straightupg]

i just met her like 2-3 weeks ago though, so im not sure if i should say that yet

[JetFoi34]

why wait, the longer you wait the more awkward it will be, and then you'll never end up doing it

always happens to me, i wait wayy too long

[snowblind]

i saw dr phil in a porno once, it was called


who i am doing today is who i want to do because i did her mom yesterday

[Straightupg]

JetFoi34, i see what you mean, but should i see where her current relationship goes? im thinking they might break up soon. also, is it cool to keep giving her good advice, or is that just helping me take the road to just friendship

[thcbongman]

If you are willing to roll the dice, just give her a kiss.

It's high-risk, high-reward. But I fear that if you don't step up to the plate, you are heading into that friend-zone.

[Straightupg]

i cant just like, bam, give her a kiss, she has a bf and ill respect that. but idk, if we hang out at the fair this week, maybe when we go to leave i might just be liike "thanks for spending the night with me", and give one on the cheek

[Blitzed]

Man, I like how thcbong man thinks.

Dont go for the cheek kiss, you kiss your grandma on the cheek, most girls like guys with confidence. But, I would wait till she is singal, befor you make any moves

[thcbongman]

i cant just like, bam, give her a kiss, she has a bf and ill respect that. but idk, if we hang out at the fair this week, maybe when we go to leave i might just be liike "thanks for spending the night with me", and give one on the cheek

Re-read what you say, and reflect if this was someone else saying what would you said. Come to your own conclusions.

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith! There could be something great on the other side, or you could be flat-out rejected. But you'll never know otherwise.

[budsmoker only]

i have to agree with thcbongman.....
hes a smart dude..

you will never know until you try... and then sometimes it will kill you not to know... or at least with me it could...

you dont wanna be later on down the road be like, "i wonder what could have happened" or some shit like that....

[partcleguy]

Totally agree^^

Did it myself sorta recently over the summer. I was walking back to the bar with the girl I liked after dancing, something I nevvvver do. I stopped, said "I have to do something" and kissed her. Best idea ever not even because you find out whether she likes you or not, but because you said you were going for it and you did it. It just feels right. When you look back on it, its something to be proud of. From then on its only easier to do it too.

Go for it :thumbsup: (connect four)

[Straightupg]

soudns good i guess. now to just hope to not get denied!

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

soudns good i guess. now to just hope to not get denied!

Better to be denied than spend the rest of your life wondering.

[couch-potato]

The lil' birdie will never fly if he doesn't balls up and jump out of that damn nest!

From the looks of it, a kiwi bird can't fly but I found it adorably hideous so here you go:

[JD1stTimer]

I feel that way a lot. No one respects someone good who is willing to share and take the time to talk about life. That's not really true, there are some who do, but they are the ones who end up in good relationships and most of the time it's because they are a little bit older and have the maturity to see through the bullsnit that the younger/inexperienced people get caught up in. This causes problems for those of us who have always understood these things even from a young age. Personally if I could learn to be attracted to the cougars out there my story would read a little differently. But hey, for me personally, the Ms. Robinson thing isn't my bag, and even the Kutcher/Moore business is a little creepy to me. The problem is, the ones who are young and have figured this out have either been completely ripped up by multiple abusive relationships (they will think that they are being fooled yet again, and you are just waiting for them to trust you before you turn into their monster), or they are just simply so few and far between that you may not ever meet them. I'm in a depressive funk right now, and when I get in one of these moods at the same time that I'm attempting to start a relationship and I'm getting shot down I feel suicidal. Be careful about that if you tend towards depression sometimes, don't mess around with it until you lift out of it. Also, like others have said, you need to be more aggressive. The way I was raised, and with very little outside influence (I wasn't in public schools except for one elementary grade and highschool), was that things should develop as friendship first, and that any contact beyond closed-mouth kissing is in a gray zone near the Line That Should Not Be Crossed By Non-Married People, and therefore kissing is one of the last things before marriage. This mental programming has been so tough to break for me, I think I might need some psychological help to crack through it. Also something that helps me is to be high when I'm around women. It may be bothersome to them, and not actually help you at that moment, but you will find yourself saying things you wouldn't otherwise say, and if you can remember it later and reflect on it, and try to work it into your straight mindset it can help. It takes a lot of work to break habits though, just like quitting smoking. Also I find that being around my family and friends is a killer too. It pops me straight back into the dark ages just like that.

[JD1stTimer]

Oh yeah, and ladies, if you are tired of assholey men, and there is a nice guy who seems to be trying to get better acquainted with you... PLEASE help him out a bit if you think he's someone you could enjoy being with. To him being too forward is probably one of the defining characteristics of the asshole, which is the nice guy's mortal enemy. In other words, don't be afraid to push things in that direction even if you don't feel an immediate attraction. It might surprise you the way your feelings could do a 180 on you, and for the most part us Nice Guys WONT give you any grief over it if you change your mind about where things are going. Most likely we will just want to know what we could do better in the future. Oh, and we might cry also because we actually have real human feelings, but we'll save that for a pillow. Wow, deep down inside I'm a girl. lol.

[KingsBlend420]

You gotta let the relationship develop and if nothing happens tell her how you feel. For all you know, she could be keeping her feelings about you hidden because she thinks you don't like her like that.

[Reefer Rogue]

I think telling him to kiss this girl is bad advice and very disrespectful. Be her friend and if they break up, then tell her how you feel. Try and find another girl.

[Spoken Word]

i have to agree with thcbongman.....
hes a smart dude..

you will never know until you try... and then sometimes it will kill you not to know... or at least with me it could...

you dont wanna be later on down the road be like, "i wonder what could have happened" or some shit like that....

i agree... thcbongman is a VERY smart dude. and so are you.

you both pretty much summed it up. infact, i didn't see any advice i didn't agree with. even like reefer rouge said above. maybe this girl, isn't the one.
only you know that. and if you are sure, go for it man!. lol

i think every man, by nature, knows how to talk to women. it's in our code. we just need to be confidant about ourselves...and of course BE ourselves... nature will take care of the rest.

[GraziLovesMary]

I think telling him to kiss this girl is bad advice and very disrespectful. Be her friend and if they break up, then tell her how you feel. Try and find another girl.

Things work differently in America, sure it could end up having undesireable effects, but then again it could work for the better.

Straighupg... slip her some roofies! JUST KIDDING!!

But yeah youve gotten some good advice here, I have nothing to add.

[Zcomp]

Straightupg, You'll always be friends if your not confident enough with her. Women in America prefer the strong man. If you want some then you need to go for it period. Don't let fear motivate your actions. You will always lose when you harbor fear. Think about it. I'm not talking crap, I was that friend for many years, Right until I realized that all the assholes get the nice women cause they don't care. They say what ever when ever to get some. And they do!! All it takes is that confidence(or disregard, but face it we aren't those people).

[Zcomp]

oh and about the kissing. Thats a Win/Lose situation. You try to kiss her with no warning when she thinks ya'll are just friends and you could blow it completely. If you have the guts then say it in words. Strong confident and sincere words. That way even if she wasn't thinking of you that way, she'll have time to. This gives you the best overall odds I think. But you can't be stuttering when you speak. If you can't get together the gall to say it and mean it then go for the silent kiss.

[spliffstar22]

you gotta be in control, wat the hell do you expect from her without her knowing, just tell her she's beautiful, and your sure shes hearin that everyday already, but you felt the need to tell her....and it sounds like her bf is a real dick, and doesnt tell her shes beautiful, not everyday anyways, she'll realize how much of a dick her man is, and then run off with you.........lol that's my number one line, even on girls that have a BF, and it still works.......cause im a guy, i know how a guys mind works, and telling your girl shes beautiful EVERYDAY doesnt cross no mans mind.......lol

[Reefer Rogue]

Things work differently in America, sure it could end up having undesireable effects, but then again it could work for the better.

Straighupg... slip her some roofies! JUST KIDDING!!

But yeah youve gotten some good advice here, I have nothing to add.

Not every male in America moves in on another man's girlfriend just because they 'like them' :rolleyes:

[thcbongman]

Not every male in America moves in on another man's girlfriend just because they 'like them' :rolleyes:

So I guess it's respectful to watch while the bf of the girl he likes is using her for sex. :rolleyes: Not in anyway sensual, or from game. From pressure.

The dude obviously likes her for who she is. He isn't concerned about getting any. He's giving her advice, talking to her. He's obviously concerned about her.

Now yes, it's morally questionable. I been that man who had his ex-wife stolen by someone else, not only once, but twice. I know the pain. I should be the one saying it's disrespectful.

But you know what? I dropped the ball. The BF in this case dropped the ball. Fair game.

[Reefer Rogue]

So I guess it's respectful to watch while the bf of the girl he likes is using her for sex. :rolleyes: Not in anyway sensual, or from game. From pressure.

The dude obviously likes her for who she is. He isn't concerned about getting any. He's giving her advice, talking to her. He's obviously concerned about her.

Now yes, it's morally questionable. I been that man who had his ex-wife stolen by someone else, not only once, but twice. I know the pain. I should be the one saying it's disrespectful.

But you know what? I dropped the ball. The BF in this case dropped the ball. Fair game.

If the boyfriend was so bad she would dump him, it seems simple to me. I wish the guy who made this thread gets this girl he wants, really i do, i don't want to be a downer. I think it's important to make a good first impression with women, his impression was of a friend. Now, he can turn this around but it is hard. We both know that the boyfriend is trying to use this girl for sex or whatever, however until the girl realizes this i don't think it will change. So thread maker, either tell her how you feel and prepare for a higher percentage of rejection (she's still with him) or wait until she dumps him, because it doesn't sound like long until she will. I believe that if you were to tell her to dump him that would only push them closer together, that's my opinion though. The decision is ultimately yours. I'm trying to save you grief and a lack of confidence. I would try and find another girl, it will probably make the one you like jealous and want you. Think about it and i wish you luck.

[spliffstar22]

^^ Most girls dont realize, because of 3 words, and after that......it's downhill........

[GraziLovesMary]

Not every male in America moves in on another man's girlfriend just because they 'like them' :rolleyes:

Not at all. But if she is unhappy with her boyfriend because he doesnt treat her right, and this guy has feelings for it... fuggit. If he wants to express those feelings he should go for it. If she finds it disrespectful she will communicate that to him one way or another. What does he have to lose

[Zcomp]

Not at all. But if she is unhappy with her boyfriend because he doesnt treat her right, and this guy has feelings for it... fuggit. If he wants to express those feelings he should go for it. If she finds it disrespectful she will communicate that to him one way or another. What does he have to lose
Agreed GLM. If he's is straight with her then he'll get a straight answer. And if she trusts him then this won't ruin the friendship even if she doesn't want that. She will believe you when you say that you'll drop it :pimp: . Which we all know is not a switch that guys have. :cool:

[ReUp]

Something I've learned: If you don't want to always be just the friend don't be the guy she talks to about relationship issues.

[Straightupg]

well i was talkin to her friend today, and she went back up to her moms cus shes not moving down here now. w/e, guess thats over with

[Reefer Rogue]

Unlucky, move on and make your intentions knownfrom the start, if you like them more then a friend, tell them.

[THClord]

Straightupg I know how you're feeling, I'm kinda same as you, but I decided to take more risks even if I get rejected. I did get rejected by the girl I liked, but I think it was worth it. We're friends now. But at least I can be totally honest with her now, which makes things nice. Next year she's living in the same dorm building, just above me totally by accident. :D

I know if I hadn't told her how I feel, not trying at all would've killed me.

But it makes me think. There was a girl who had a HUGE ASS crush on me. She even gave me a booty call after I rejected her. I even rejected the booty call... Why does it happen to me every time that the girls who have crushes on me are the girls I don't like? Do girls like guys who don't give a shit about them and are assholes or what? There was even real hottie with a crush on me, but she is so dumb... I couldn't stand being near her.

BTW, don't hold back any criticism of me if you think I'm doing something wrong. I do not take negative criticism as offense, but instead as places I can improve.

[JD1stTimer]

Lol, if girls like guys like that, this one girl that I liked a lot and she liked me would freaking fly back to Dallas if I called her and asked her too. I just quit calling her, not even once in the past five years, just because she said she might go to Utah with her mom and dad or she might go to college just south of Dallas and I thought if she went to Utah I would be soooo sad I would do something terrible. So I didn't even call her again to find out. How jerky is that? And to think she could have been close by all this time and I don't even know!

[Straightupg]

heh, odd thing happened. i was at the local fair and got a call from her. she wanted tot alk but i couldnt at the time. then my phone went dead, so i didnt call her back like i said i would. oh well, i just dont know if i can see myself in a long distance relationship like that. besides, her bf apparantly decided to respect her morals over the weekend and they are still together. im going to smoke, peace

[blooregard]

this could be helpful if they break-up and she says something hinting she would like to go with you you have 48 hours to tell her how you feel other wise you be on the friend boat of foreverness

[Straightupg]

well, it happened 2nights ago, we both know how we feel. heres some convo:
we were talkin about goin to a movie, which happened to be a romance. she suggested it.... wooster241=me
wooster241: just dan might have a problem with that
wooster241: haha
her: ok right now he is at his friends house with a bunch of girls
her: he better not have a problem with that
wooster241: i doubt anyone would cheat on you
her: i konw but ppl are alwasy tempted
her: :)
her: but we have self control
her: at least i do
wooster241: well, thats unfortunate that you have self control :P
her: unfortunate?
her: haha
wooster241: yeah unfortunate for me that you have self control
her: haha cute ohhhhh
her: i would never cheat on anybody

then basically i she asked if i ever got cheated onand i went into detail, then:
her: why would someone cheat on such a nice guy like you?
wooster241: heh...
wooster241: idk

she then asked about how the fair was, and if i look for girls there, and im like, yeah im single why wouldnt i.
her: i probably should not say this at all but a knida wish i was single right now:)
wooster241: oh yeah? whys that?
her: because your an awesome guy
wooster241: oh, so you wish u were single for me
her: fun to talk to
wooster241: lol
wooster241: i thought u menat just in general
her: kinda not going to lie
wooster241: well i wish you were single too....

basically it then led into me saying how its odd how shes saying this and she has a bf. and now its just really wierd right now between us, i mean she still talks to me like a friend, and like normal, but i just dont know how to take this.
i knew it sucked when this happened:
her: i'm not going to stop talking to youjust because i kinda have feeling for you, i guess you can say
wooster241: i just feel wrong, cus your still with dan, and we both have feelings for each other in a way
wooster241: and even you said everyone has temptations
her: even if i have temtations like i said before i have self control. haha
wooster241: heh
wooster241: i just dont know
her: haha we can have a brother sister relationship
her: i mean, ill still be with dan, but we can umm....
her: im not really sure

right now im so confused, and its jsut fucked up right now.

[thcbongman]

You should have kissed her!

F that Dan dude. It's not like they're married.

[OLDE ENGLISH '800]

you just need to move on dont sit around waiting for something to maybe happen theres plenty of girls out there if she wants you let her come to you i had a friend who was stuck on this one girl for like a year nothing ever happened he wasted time sitting on his ass dreaming about this girl finally he got some sense and relized it wasent gonna happen then went and got a g/f a week later.so to sum it up ether make a move or move on its not worth waiting for nothing get out there and see what else the world has to offer and if its meant to be you'll be together if not so what.thats just my view on the situation.

[Straightupg]

well i pretty much tried to forget about her, and almost pulled a move on this other chick i was hanging out with, and i couldnt. just couldnt get over the fact that i could possibly be with kristen. havent talked to her in days, then i get a txt "hey i gotta talk to you tonight, its about me and dan" i was at work, so i had to wait. she just called and said dan told her this: "i thnk we should work on our friendship. we are still together, but our friendship needs work". my responce- "yeahhhhh, sounds like he just doesnt have the balls to break up with you"
so, she had to go, but we are gonna talk in a bit. not really sure whats up now

[Straightupg]

UPDATE! lol

her- "so i found out what dan meant."
me- oh yeah?
her- yeah he said this: "i didnt actually wanna say it but i guess im breaking up with you. maybe if we work on our friendship it can develop into more later"

basically, shes free, hes a dick and has no balls.

DISCUSS! haha

[ZAD515]

If she's single, that's great. I rarely go for girls with BFs, but it can be done. Especially in a situation like what you had described, all those complaints she verbalized to you were little windows. Widnows to make her realize that he wasn't right for her. But now that's irrelevant.

To avoid being the "friend", you have to retain your sexuality. Certain girls have subtle ways of making it seem like you'll never be able to have anything with them; most of the time, it's shit. I mean, think about it, is it her right to make you into Oprah? If you want to be flirty, be flirty. Don't be afraid to touch (not in the creepy lecherous way, just in the way that says you aren't a wimp and makes little sparks happen). In the worst case, she won't be responsive, you'll still be friends, and you can always flirt with other girls (it's weird, flirting with another girl in front of a "friend" can make her want you more than logic would lead one to believe).

Basically, have fun with it. Romance is supposed to be. Who needs to feel uncomfortable and worried all the time? Too many fish for that.

In response to your other post, why didn't you make a move on the other girl? There's nothing wrong with hooking up with one girl when you like another (as long as you don't lie about anything). At the time, your girl of choice was with some dude. Why couldn't you be with some chick?

I hope that I don't sound like some douche bag misogynist. It just pains me to see goods guys getting played and stuck as friends while the jerk gets the girl.

Love. :)

[Canadian_Cron]

iunno man ive been in a similar situation before but i cant tell u exaclty what to do cause i dont know what this girl or your situation is exaclty like.... if shes talking about how much of an idiot her boyfriend is all the time or how they fight all the time, hen she might be considering that hes not the right person for and isnt really looking for advice on how to "improve their relationship," but is shes just asking you for advice on how to "get along" with him then shes still into him.

but if u really like her then try flirting with her a little bit or touch her casually while your talking (but not in a creepy im gonna feel you up way) and see how she reacts. then if shes giving you all the right signals then id go for it but the most important thing is if you decide to go for it dont hesitate and make sure your confident about it.

[TheDefiler]

Way to go dude! By what you've been saying i'm almost positive she will go out with u now! Not sure if u should wait a bit seeing as she's on the rebound but by her saying that she wishes she was single so she could go out with u....to me that means that u should go for it cause now she is single! Good luck with this man. Sounds like u could be in for a good time!