I have the weirdest mental condition in the world

[mrdevious]

I'm not really expecting anybody to be able to answer this, because it's just downright odd. I've studied psychology (moderately) and know plenty, and I've never heard anything about this. BUT, on the odd chance somebody does know what I'm talking about, or maybe experienced it themselves, I'd love to hear about it.


So I'm currently 22, and this thing came about when I was 13. The first time happened when I got a fever, and has happened every time I got a fever since. It also happens if I'm sleeping or trying to sleep and get too hot, and occasionally it can happen just out of the blue. It finally subsided to the point where I could easily repress it when I started smoking weed at 19, and it rarely showed up. Now that I've massively cut back though, I notice it's coming back.

So what am I talking about? Well, it's an odd thing to explain. I get these "episodes" where I feel like my consciousness going into infinity. I literally feel my conscious self expanding to infinite dimensions, exponentially speeding up to infinite speeds, processing a million times more information than I would be normally capable of; infinite information really. It's incredibly overwhelming, and when I couldn't control it as well for the first few years, it was the closest thing to hell I've ever experienced. It's having your ego smashed into bits.

I remember when I was 14 and had one come on me at 3:00am. I started taking in every dimension of the room, started seeing it and everything in it as every possible shape, form, and size. My brain was trying to count how many atoms where in everything, how many nerves were in my body, and I could see them all clearly and focus on them all at once. Most of these trips are like that, but I always fight as hard as possible to supress them and not let them fully get away like it did that night, when I was so overwhelmed I had to run outside into the open air.

I've tried going with it a few times, but every time it was WAY too much information to handle and I couldn't take more than a few seconds of it. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Any speculations?

[Metasteel]

Something similar happened to me once when I was a weed noob and I ate more than I could handle. I had to keep my eyes shut constantly because the imformation flowing in would hurt. Don't know if that's close to what you experience.

[nightlight]

I had an episode similar to that a while back. It lasted for 5 days where i couldn't get any sleep because of all the information rushing into my head. I had the most absurd clarity. EVERYTHING was a learning experience, like literally every step i took. unfortunately the sleep deprivation got to me and i had to be hospitalized. I had one more brief episode similar to that the day i was out of the hospital but it hasn't come back since then.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

When I was little, I'd have these... dreams I guess...

Real strange dreams...

Like I was suffocating. Like everything was closing down on top of me. It felt like I was getting a huge rush of adrenaline, and when I woke up I'd be half awake and half asleep and start hallucinating. As I got older it stopped, but I can occasionally 'make' myself experience it...


iv had anxiety attacks like that, after my mother died about 2 weeks after i woke up in the middle of the night un able to breath i felt as if my throat closed and my mind was drifting as far as it as ever drifted from me. it was terrible called my grandmother in the middle of the night freaking out she said for me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it, or a hair brush and run it down my forearm over and over. it causes you to relax and your mind drifts away from that terrible feeling.

[Matt the Funk]

Are you bi-polar...?Sounds like mania to me...

[Frivolous248]

Why on earth would you want to suppress that? I'd keep a tape recorder handy for when it happens 'n see if it was real or just a bunch of bullshit my mind was feeding me. Because if you had access to infinite information, just think of all the crazy shit you could do.

I say you try to embrace that shit dude.

[MegaOctane12]

When you say information do you mean hypersensitivity? Because I have had times when my heart has raced so fast I felt like I was going to literally pass out, paranoia hit me instantly, I couldn't relax, dehydrated as fuck. Couldn't have a conversation with anybody, couldn't sit still, all I could do was spectate the firework display in me head. My thoughts were racing so fast I didn't have time to finish thinking one before another one started.

[xfukinxfedxupx]

this is different but as i was driftin to sleep a few days agoi had my eyes closed and i felt my body being lifted by some kind of force, iwent onto my stomach and was flying and i actually physicly felt it then i started falling and i could feel wind rushing past me. i was fuckin weird. but cool.

[mrdevious]

Are you bi-polar...?Sounds like mania to me...

Nope, not bipolar or depressed from any chemical imbalance. This expereince isn't an emotional one, though terror can ensue from the overwhelming experience. Picture Peyote x10, but not hallucinogenic (as far as I can tell).



Why on earth would you want to suppress that? I'd keep a tape recorder handy for when it happens 'n see if it was real or just a bunch of bullshit my mind was feeding me. Because if you had access to infinite information, just think of all the crazy shit you could do.

I say you try to embrace that shit dude.

I know man, I have tried to embrace it. The first time it happened to me it was actually wonderful, I was seeing literally millions upon millions of calculations in my head to determine my total mass, then after a while it started to overwhelm me and just became teh 7th layer of hell. Every time since it's been powerful and overwhelming, and even when I conjure up the bravery to face and embrace it, I make it 10 seconds max before I feel like my consciousness is going to explode. The brain just isn't meant to process that amount of information. I wish I could fully convey it, it's like becoming solely consciousness and having it expand and speed up infinitely, like there's all these mental restraints you're not even aware you have until they suddenly disappear.




When you say information do you mean hypersensitivity?

Nope. Literally data without numerical symbology, processing incredible amounts of measurements like how many atoms are in my body, nerves in my system, and every possible form every piece of matter around me could exist in. Consciousness loses all form. Crazy sounding I know, but I'm otherwise 100% sound of mind.

[birdgirl73]

I was going to say the same thing about it having some elements of mania, too, and folks don't necessarily have to be bipolar or some officially diagnosed version of that disorder to have occasional episodes of mania or hypomania. That's the only sort of condition it vaguely approximates, and even then it's not very close.

Do you think it could be a result of a medication? Or your neurological condition, Mr. D?

[GotWake88]

I have experienced something like this. On some occassions, I could ride it out and had experienced once a 'calculation' that could never ever be explained in words. Only once could I ride it out without freaking out. It normally occured when I was in a situation where I was near a lot of people(particularly restaraunts). Smoking even a bowl before bed every night keeps it away though, and I have only noticed it once or twice since I started smoking.

[pixel]

sounds like a panic attack or something... your "calculations" are most likely just numbers youre making up in your head, along with pretty much everything that you say is happening. and it sounds like something you embrace so i dont know what you want to get from this thread

[mrdevious]

sounds like a panic attack or something... your "calculations" are most likely just numbers youre making up in your head, along with pretty much everything that you say is happening. and it sounds like something you embrace so i dont know what you want to get from this thread

I was just curious if anybody else has experienced it, or heard of it as some psychological condition. But hey, I'm smoking little bits of weed right now and it's 100% gone so long as I continue doing so. Even if it does come back, I've learned to suppress it, at least enough to not have it hit me with full force.

[40oz]

Thats strange. I havn't come across anything like that in my psychology studies so far.

How long do these episodes last? what happens when you close your eyes?

[chantoke]

if you've read 'slaughterhouse-five' kurt vonnegut spends the majority of the book with a character that has this condition.

if i remember right, it's a variant of depersonalization or derealization syndrome. something messed up happening in your childhood would explain it.

or you could read 'slaughterhouse five' for the more sci-fi explanation :)

[StonedAssasin]

Well Ive had this one time where I hadnt gotten no sleep at all the night before.. got high as fuck in the day.. and I was taking a shower.. feeling warped.. my mind kept idk kinda like talking down on me.. saying bad words to myself in my head.. just completely putting myself down.. and I actually fed it.. I contributed to it.. I kept thinking crazy shit about my self on purpose and just looked at it like a joke.. I figured it was my weary mind rambling on... or demons.. they do talk in our heads, ofcourse you'd have to believe those things.. atleast when my mind races on like that on pot or not that's what I believe.. I just go along with it thinking a bunch of crap and then laugh. Last night though, I was half asleep and half awake.. and Im guessin I had sleep paralysis because I was hallucinating my grandma walking in on me with a crystal pendant shaped like a cross and she was telling me something about "I only accept things about God no saints or anything only God" some weird shit like that and I was like awake in my head yet picturing her walkin in and putting the pendant on my night table while I tried to move and close my eyes.. I tried to move so much that my jaw started to open and shake and my arms felt like they were trembling and I was getting tired.. and then Boom my eyes opened.. it's weird. I was awak and dreaming at the same time... *shivers* but bleh.. stuff happens. :/

[da jungalist]

Look into Astral Travelling....

[Coelho]

MrDevious, i think you have a rare gift. Your description is very similar to some mind states produced by deep meditation (or some hallucinogens). Lots of people spends a lot of time and energy learning to meditate just to achieve a mind state alike yours, and some people spends a lot of money using "hard" hallucinogens to achieve this same state... i think you should use your gift properly.
"Knowledge is a frightening affair", said Don Juan. But you must not let your fear overcome you. The fear can be defeated. Its hard, i know, but its very worth... imagine all the wisdom and knowledge you will have acess... imagine how many worlds of perception you will reach... man... i would smoke 1Kg of weed just to feel what you described... so, gather all your courage, and use your gift properly. Im sure it was not given for you by chance, but by choice. If you was gifted with this, there is a reason for it. So, dont waste it... Use it...and you never will regret.
Good luck! :thumbsup:

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

MrDevious, i think you have a rare gift. Your description is very similar to some mind states produced by deep meditation (or some hallucinogens). Lots of people spends a lot of time and energy learning to meditate just to achieve a mind state alike yours, and some people spends a lot of money using "hard" hallucinogens to achieve this same state... i think you should use your gift properly.
"Knowledge is a frightening affair", said Don Juan. But you must not let your fear overcome you. The fear can be defeated. Its hard, i know, but its very worth... imagine all the wisdom and knowledge you will have acess... imagine how many worlds of perception you will reach... man... i would smoke 1Kg of weed just to feel what you described... so, gather all your courage, and use your gift properly. Im sure it was not given for you by chance, but by choice. If you was gifted with this, there is a reason for it. So, dont waste it... Use it...and you never will regret.
Good luck! :thumbsup:

(I'm MrDevious in case you don't know)

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Well Coehlo, that's quite an optimistic view you have. I think you're probably right, maybe not to the range of having access to foreign knowledge (though who really knows?), but it tears the ego apart and makes me aware of every bit of information and every one of the infinite processes in my brain, all at once. I never could handle the experience even when I tried to embrace it, it's like watching your consciousness and the world all tear apart into a formless, single existence of infinite complexity.

But maybe now that I've studied buddhism considerably more and been practicing meditaiton a lot, I could handle a more extreme perception. It's odd because now that I think of it with an understanding of enlightenment (as far as possible without actually attaining it), it seems a lot like how Buddha described nirvana. Extinction of self, of the illusion of existence, of the barriers that separate you from the rest of reality. Yet while enlightenment is considered a wonderful heavenly state by most, it was like hell to me.

However, I have been smoking plenty of weed which makes this thing go away 100%. I'd have to abstain again and wait about a month before it kicks in again. I just hope I'll have the courage to make something useful of it for once, because let me tell you, I've done many powerful (which I won't name) hallucinogens and none of them could overwhelm me like this.


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On a side note, it was usually triggered by my body getting too hot when I was trying to fall asleep, or already asleep. Now when I get too hot in my sleep I just get incredibly vivid, 100% real, terrifying nightmares. They have no meaning though I assure you, my latest theme has just been being eaten by fast-moving zombies. *shiver*

[mikeo14]

whoa thats trippy

[Coelho]

Well, old Gandalf... i understand how this experiences can be terrifying... i never did another psychedelics else weed (yet), but when i mixed weed with some dissociative (wont enter in detail here), i had some ego-loss experiences... they really were frightening, and i only repeated them over and over because my curiosity was greater than my fear... and then, slowly the fear lessened...


On a side note, it was usually triggered by my body getting too hot when I was trying to fall asleep, or already asleep. Now when I get too hot in my sleep I just get incredibly vivid, 100% real, terrifying nightmares. They have no meaning though I assure you, my latest theme has just been being eaten by fast-moving zombies. *shiver*

Thats interesting... i remember once or twice, when i was a child and had a fever, of having a very weird feeling... it started with a strangeness in the perception (i cant describe it well), then there was a kind of fear... anyway, even if i couldnt explain the feeling, i remembered it very well.
Then, some times when i stayed some time without smoking and smoked again, during the height of the high i could feel this same "fear"... and it was the same "fear" i used to feel when trying to astral project.
And it makes me wonder about your nightmares... i have read some shamanic/occult stuff, and i think your nightmares could be somewhat more than just nightmares, but i prefer not to enter in detail here... it would only frighten you more...

Anyway... there is a nice book called "The psychedelic experience", which makes a remarkable parallel between psychedelic experiences induced by hallucinogens and deep meditative states described in the The Tibetan Book of the Dead... there is a lot of similarities between what is described there and what you described, so i think you could get a lot of useful information there.

Erowid Online Books : "The Psychedelic Experience" by Leary, Metzner, & Alpert (http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/psychedelic_experience/psychedelic_experience.shtml#1)

So, good luck, and if you reach the nirvana, tell us how it is! :thumbsup:

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Well, old Gandalf... i understand how this experiences can be terrifying... i never did another psychedelics else weed (yet), but when i mixed weed with some dissociative (wont enter in detail here), i had some ego-loss experiences... they really were frightening, and i only repeated them over and over because my curiosity was greater than my fear... and then, slowly the fear lessened...



Thats interesting... i remember once or twice, when i was a child and had a fever, of having a very weird feeling... it started with a strangeness in the perception (i cant describe it well), then there was a kind of fear... anyway, even if i couldnt explain the feeling, i remembered it very well.
Then, some times when i stayed some time without smoking and smoked again, during the height of the high i could feel this same "fear"... and it was the same "fear" i used to feel when trying to astral project.
And it makes me wonder about your nightmares... i have read some shamanic/occult stuff, and i think your nightmares could be somewhat more than just nightmares, but i prefer not to enter in detail here... it would only frighten you more...

Anyway... there is a nice book called "The psychedelic experience", which makes a remarkable parallel between psychedelic experiences induced by hallucinogens and deep meditative states described in the The Tibetan Book of the Dead... there is a lot of similarities between what is described there and what you described, so i think you could get a lot of useful information there.

Erowid Online Books : "The Psychedelic Experience" by Leary, Metzner, & Alpert (http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/psychedelic_experience/psychedelic_experience.shtml#1)

So, good luck, and if you reach the nirvana, tell us how it is! :thumbsup:


Wow, thanks for that link I will definately check it out! Psychadelic experiences do seem very similar to meditation at times, but only when you're guiding the experience toward a certain perception. Some can make the mistake of believing their meditaitons should be nothing but trying to attain the most abstract psychadelic states, and this is not so. Those states have their place, but to do them exclusively can actually be dangerous for your psyche; I've actually heard that some people have developed psychological problems from meditation alone because they went full-on for the psychadelic experience. But enough of my forboading.

I'd be interested to know about this "fear" you experienced during your fevers though, as it can take many forms. One time (when I was about 14) I had one of those episodes, and was at the tail end of it, I got hit by an overwhelming sense of guilt. I knew I had nothing to feel guilty about, it was a 100% chemical response, like the giult-centers of my brain were just being overstimulated. Absolutely nothing in my thought process indicated something to feel guilty about. So I'm wondering if fever-states or being too hot in general can randomly trigger certain emotions as well, in your case fear. Was the fear in response to anything in particular?


LOL I'm sure we've lost all the other posters here, who are now who are thinking "god damn hippies":jointsmile:

[Matt the Funk]

Lol well I don't know so much about you guys being goddamn hippies, but what you describe sounds a lot like what happens to me before I go completely manic/insane and really just lose touch with reality. Or even hypomanic sometimes. It's like the information is coming in too fast. Also the whole vivid dream nightmares I have been having everyday now for about 2 weeks. And all of my dreams are very vivid and usually lucid. And to Kaka I get that too. It's kinda like a day-dream but it feels too real to be a dream, and then I just suddenly snap out of it. My mind plays too many tricks on me.

[Trip06]

Ive had this sensory overload before to many times, I hate it and love it. I hate it cause its unnatural and scary sometimes. I love it cause its mind blowing and im curious. Thats the way of drugs sunny.

[Coelho]

I'd be interested to know about this "fear" you experienced during your fevers though, as it can take many forms. One time (when I was about 14) I had one of those episodes, and was at the tail end of it, I got hit by an overwhelming sense of guilt. I knew I had nothing to feel guilty about, it was a 100% chemical response, like the giult-centers of my brain were just being overstimulated. Absolutely nothing in my thought process indicated something to feel guilty about. So I'm wondering if fever-states or being too hot in general can randomly trigger certain emotions as well, in your case fear. Was the fear in response to anything in particular?

Well... today i smoked a lot and could catch again a glimpse of this feeling... i was laying, with closed eyes, then i felt like the volume of the outside sounds were growing louder and louder... i could not distract my attention from them, they kept louder and louder into my mind... that was what i felt when had a fever, and is what i feel sometimes when very stoned... then i became afraid again... that old forgotten feeling did come... it was the childhood fear of being alone... it was like i have lost myself from "me"... im a very introvert person, and i dont care about being alone (infact, i prefer it), but now i know its because im never alone, but always have the company of my ego... but during this experiences, i feel like i had lost myself from my ego, so i feel that old loneliness again... its weird to think how a 24 yrs old sometimes can feel like a small child...



LOL I'm sure we've lost all the other posters here, who are now who are thinking "god damn hippies":jointsmile:

Just hippies would be an understatement... i think it would be rather "god damn fuckin crazy delusional stoned hippies"...:silly:

[LOC NAR on probation]

When I was a child I had a fever. My hands felt just like two ballons.

Pink Floyd said it best but they all came from the nut house or did they.

When I was 13 I came down with chicken pox the secound time. I ran a fever of 105 for 5 days straight. They kept me in an ice bath. One of the only things I can remember is a doctor saying to my mom, he should be dead by now or that i would have brain damage from this. This was in the sixties. I sirvived. When I have fevers now I have out of body exsperiences. Now I can meditate to this level. I can see things in pixel form and some of what you describe. I can also see dead friiends and family. I can see the past present and future, Plans within plans. Chakra thrid EYE is my best sense.

Weed keeps me from dwelling on the bad things. I talk to no one about this. It's like talking to GOD. Peeps talk to god all the time but say he talks to you and your off to the looney bin. Not that he talks to me. LOL

At times when I work hundreds of things go through my mind at one time. I think in so many levels it overwheling at time but also fun. I understand what Einstien must of felt like. If only I could get it all down on paper or something. I lose so much. We only use a small part of our brains but what if a good part of the rest kick in all of a sudden. Einstien said that he could never understand it all.

Budda once sat before a wall and when he arose, he was enlightened.

I hope you can come to terms with this. It may be a gift.

[Jah420]

I'm not really expecting anybody to be able to answer this, because it's just downright odd. I've studied psychology (moderately) and know plenty, and I've never heard anything about this. BUT, on the odd chance somebody does know what I'm talking about, or maybe experienced it themselves, I'd love to hear about it.


So I'm currently 22, and this thing came about when I was 13. The first time happened when I got a fever, and has happened every time I got a fever since. It also happens if I'm sleeping or trying to sleep and get too hot, and occasionally it can happen just out of the blue. It finally subsided to the point where I could easily repress it when I started smoking weed at 19, and it rarely showed up. Now that I've massively cut back though, I notice it's coming back.

So what am I talking about? Well, it's an odd thing to explain. I get these "episodes" where I feel like my consciousness going into infinity. I literally feel my conscious self expanding to infinite dimensions, exponentially speeding up to infinite speeds, processing a million times more information than I would be normally capable of; infinite information really. It's incredibly overwhelming, and when I couldn't control it as well for the first few years, it was the closest thing to hell I've ever experienced. It's having your ego smashed into bits.

I remember when I was 14 and had one come on me at 3:00am. I started taking in every dimension of the room, started seeing it and everything in it as every possible shape, form, and size. My brain was trying to count how many atoms where in everything, how many nerves were in my body, and I could see them all clearly and focus on them all at once. Most of these trips are like that, but I always fight as hard as possible to supress them and not let them fully get away like it did that night, when I was so overwhelmed I had to run outside into the open air.

I've tried going with it a few times, but every time it was WAY too much information to handle and I couldn't take more than a few seconds of it. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Any speculations?

Damn that's pretty fascinating... I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anything like it.. closest thing I've read would be hallucinogenic trip reports from erowid.

There's one other thing. It should be ruled out by the fact you said you are of sound mind, but... your experiences sound somehow characteristic of someone within the autistic spectrum...

Though I don't necessarily agree with using a Tom Cruise film to top up your knowledge of psychology, the quickest way to touch on the symptoms concerned would be to watch the film 'Rain Man', if you haven't already seen it - Rain Man - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rain_man)

Here's a quote from the film summary:


With the shortcomings, though, are certain gifts. Raymond can memorize everything he reads. He can perform fast calculations in his head.

Maybe worth looking into.. try wiki aswell

Peace and good luck, keep us updated :thumbsup:

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Damn Jah420, that's the first potential answer I've heard so far. My brother is actually autistic, aspergers, and while I've never really had it myself I've always exhibited a few symptoms, ie. certain minor learning disabilities, lack of social skills, no idea whatsoever how to pick up women, and throughout my teen years I had a few complex mental patterns I'd do constantly in my head, especially when I was stressed (always had to end up on even numbers lol).

Thankfully I think I think I've learned enough mental control from my buddhist studies to be much more aware of my perceptions and how to control them.


Jesus I hope that's not what autistic people have to go through!

[Jah420]

Damn Jah420, that's the first potential answer I've heard so far. My brother is actually autistic, aspergers, and while I've never really had it myself I've always exhibited a few symptoms, ie. certain minor learning disabilities, lack of social skills, no idea whatsoever how to pick up women, and throughout my teen years I had a few complex mental patterns I'd do constantly in my head, especially when I was stressed (always had to end up on even numbers lol).

Thankfully I think I think I've learned enough mental control from my buddhist studies to be much more aware of my perceptions and how to control them.


Jesus I hope that's not what autistic people have to go through!

Holy fuck gandalf.. we need to chat.

You got msn?

EDIT: Sorry for hi-jack.. resume ;)