Sleeping around

[B.Basher]

I'm in a long term relationship with the one girl I have ever slept with. It's approaching the three year mark and, contrary to my randy best buddy, i've never felt the urge to sleep around or 'experiment'.

The thing is, i've met a lot of guys who, while being generally nice people, are what I can only describe as fucked in the head when it comes to women. They talk about them like they are things that are only good for taking home after a night in the club. The guys I work with are so shamelessly disrespectful in the way they talk about girls and girlfriends that it makes me sick. From their stance, a conversation about when to slap a girl during sex and forcing them to do it on their period "because its the best time" is the definition of masculinity.

My dilemma is, i'm a pretty open minded guy and I do my best not to slate others for how they choose to live, but while it's tough to respect guys like that, it's also harder to face up to the reality that it's a common 21st century attitude when your a young adult, particularly in the UK.
All my close friends and I believe in treating women with respect, put them before yourself, just be a gent. Sure, my best friend is having a blast at uni, quite a few a week by the sound of it, but he's a good guy and knows how to treat a lady. The thing is, this laid-back attitude to casual sex and pulling culture seems to fuel this chauvanistic, elitist delusion that guys like my workmates share.

I can't complain, who's to say they shouldn't be the way they are when the girls they get with are clearly into them in the first place? I hate to feel old fashioned, but the pulling culture really seems to degrade the ideas of love and emotional connection to the point when your a loser for believing in it. I'm slated by many at my uni for not going out as often as a student "should", my simple reason being the nightlife in Leicester is utterly useless for anything but finding a stranger to screw, so what's a manogomistic chap like myself meant to do? We have entire club nights dedicated to it, get drunk and fuck someone completely random. Hey, what could be more fun?

I guess all i'm hoping for is the preservation of the real cheese-golden values of love, which seem to be on their steady decline as my generation are inspired and celebrated for being unfaithful and totally void of any respect or values. Nahsayin'?

PS: I know it's not everyone, just needed to vent. :jointsmile:

[napolitana869]

You're girlfriend is really lucky to have a guy like you. The sad thing is that having a guy like you is viewed lucky rather than something assumed

[Kenn]

if ur in a long term relationship ..Why would ya even think abt cheatin. You have taken the time to bond and get to know ur partner you share your secrets ur fears,they become a part of you. That cant compare to sex with a stranger.

[deftdrummer]

I got turned down by a girl i work with today. Feel like an idiot now.

[rebgirl420]

^^ Dont feel like an idiot, everyone has been shot down. It happenes. Just pick yourself up and keep on moving haha.

And cheating to me is absolutely f*cking wrong. I mean wtf, the idea just makes my stomach turn.

[Nocturnal Stoner]

I have a friend who is in relationships for a while but sleeps around sooo much its unbelievable.

When he started going out with this girl, he was chatting to me bout when he fucked another girl in a parking lot. I said arent you going out with the other girl and hes like, yeah but its only been the first week.

He sleeps around alot, but he does treat the people he goes out with, with respect, Its kind of hard to imagine but he is a strange exception.

[Reefer Rogue]

I'm in a long term relationship with the one girl I have ever slept with. It's approaching the three year mark and, contrary to my randy best buddy, i've never felt the urge to sleep around or 'experiment'.

The thing is, i've met a lot of guys who, while being generally nice people, are what I can only describe as fucked in the head when it comes to women. They talk about them like they are things that are only good for taking home after a night in the club. The guys I work with are so shamelessly disrespectful in the way they talk about girls and girlfriends that it makes me sick. From their stance, a conversation about when to slap a girl during sex and forcing them to do it on their period "because its the best time" is the definition of masculinity.

My dilemma is, i'm a pretty open minded guy and I do my best not to slate others for how they choose to live, but while it's tough to respect guys like that, it's also harder to face up to the reality that it's a common 21st century attitude when your a young adult, particularly in the UK.
All my close friends and I believe in treating women with respect, put them before yourself, just be a gent. Sure, my best friend is having a blast at uni, quite a few a week by the sound of it, but he's a good guy and knows how to treat a lady. The thing is, this laid-back attitude to casual sex and pulling culture seems to fuel this chauvanistic, elitist delusion that guys like my workmates share.

I can't complain, who's to say they shouldn't be the way they are when the girls they get with are clearly into them in the first place? I hate to feel old fashioned, but the pulling culture really seems to degrade the ideas of love and emotional connection to the point when your a loser for believing in it. I'm slated by many at my uni for not going out as often as a student "should", my simple reason being the nightlife in Leicester is utterly useless for anything but finding a stranger to screw, so what's a manogomistic chap like myself meant to do? We have entire club nights dedicated to it, get drunk and fuck someone completely random. Hey, what could be more fun?

I guess all i'm hoping for is the preservation of the real cheese-golden values of love, which seem to be on their steady decline as my generation are inspired and celebrated for being unfaithful and totally void of any respect or values. Nahsayin'?

PS: I know it's not everyone, just needed to vent. :jointsmile:

I agree fully.

[GraziLovesMary]

Dont feel bad, ButtonBasher... you are correct that monogamy is on the decline and faithfulness is being thrown out the window by both sexes. That just means we have to lead by example so that the ladies out there know there are still some real men still on the loose. It sucks, I know, but your coworkers immaturity will only serve to elevate you above them, so just let it roll of your back.

I just ended a nearly 4 year relationship with the girl I swore I was going to marry a few months ago because she wasnt being faithful. I met her through church and everything.. this girl had been in love with me for over a year before I even knew she existed and look how it turned out. Just goes to show you never can tell. All you can do is have faith and LEAP.

Good to see theres more men out there that understand the value of a equally monogamous relationship, and realize that sex with an emotional bond attached to it is so many times more fulfilling than just casual sex.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I've never been one to cheat, but for some reason always get cheated on. Some people are just greedy and that's what it comes down to. No matter how much a girl (or guy) puts out, mentally or physically sometimes you just can't please a person. BUT there ARE people out there with morals and standards, as I hope this thread has shown you

I think cheating is a huge sign of immaturity, as Grazi pointed out. Although, I wish I could say people out grow it, some people just make it a lifestyle and THAT my friends, is how STD's are spread -gag-

I've only had ONE one night stand and we were both completely trashed out of our minds, while I don't regret it..it still makes me feel disgusting (years later). A good reminder as why I'll never do THAT again.

[GraziLovesMary]

I've never been one to cheat, but for some reason always get cheated on. Some people are just greedy and that's what it comes down to. No matter how much a girl (or guy) puts out, mentally or physically sometimes you just can't please a person. BUT there ARE people out there with morals and standards, as I hope this thread has shown you

I think cheating is a huge sign of immaturity, as Grazi pointed out. Although, I wish I could say people out grow it, some people just make it a lifestyle and THAT my friends, is how STD's are spread -gag-

I've only had ONE one night stand and we were both completely trashed out of our minds, while I don't regret it..it still makes me feel disgusting (years later). A good reminder as why I'll never do THAT again.

Amen, baby.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

iv been with my gurl for over 3 years now, and i have cheated on her with one person a guy at that lmao. BUT i can honestly say i dont know her anymore i dont know her fav color her fav food her fav video game What she likes to do. shes become so distant i feel as if she as already left me. Whats worse is that i will always be totaly in love with her, im a very sexual person and i have had chances from day one to get with other people i think waiting 3 years, and being treated like shit is good, oh by the way she cheated on me already before we hit our 2 year mark. man sometimes i wish i never met her...:( to this day i try to work things out, i have already promised myself i will never cheat on her again, and i swear i wont i cant do it i felt so shitty afterwards, like i just let myself down. we have been bickering at each other for a year straight now, im not sure how much more i will be able to handle

[TallulahGreen]

It's so weird...allll my chick friends in relationship are such slutty cheaters! One of my friends has been with her boyfriend a little over a year and has cheated on him like 4 times at least! He only knows of one though...and that was within the first 3 months they were together.

...and her boyfriend before that she cheated on at least 3 times, and two of those men were over 10 years older than her!

Pretty much all my chick friends are cheaters.

..no wonder my boyfriend doesn't like the fact that I hang out with lots of dudes. So many chicks these days are just damned sluts I say!

I have never in my life cheated on anyone, however I have been cheated on, and that sucks!!!


However..luckily I am now in a very trusting and good relationship..In fact my boyfriend and I live together and I can confidently say that living together has only made our relationship better.

Why would we wanna fuck that up? Hes my best friend.

I don't understand my slutty chick friends, or my slutty dude friends for that matter. Seems like finding people that don't sleep around these days is a huge challenge and almost unheard of.

I don't get it.

[TallulahGreen]

I have a friend who is in relationships for a while but sleeps around sooo much its unbelievable.

When he started going out with this girl, he was chatting to me bout when he fucked another girl in a parking lot. I said arent you going out with the other girl and hes like, yeah but its only been the first week.

He sleeps around alot, but he does treat the people he goes out with, with respect, Its kind of hard to imagine but he is a strange exception.

I know guys like that.
I have this one dude friend who I used to get so annoyed with because everytime we would hang out all he would do is tell me to find him some "hot bitches that will put out". It was so fucked up...! I was like..man...I would HATE to be your girlfriend.
..now hes been in this long term relationship with this girl for a little while and is totally different. Totally a nice respectful guy...always talking about how great his girlfriend is..and how hot she is..blah blah blah..

..and she cheats on him with his best friend and he has no idea! Or at least I'm pretty positive she does....or at least has...

Seriously though...hes such a manslut when he doesn't have a girlfriend.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

It's so weird...allll my chick friends in relationship are such slutty cheaters! One of my friends has been with her boyfriend a little over a year and has cheated on him like 4 times at least! He only knows of one though...and that was within the first 3 months they were together.

...and her boyfriend before that she cheated on at least 3 times, and two of those men were over 10 years older than her!

Pretty much all my chick friends are cheaters.

..no wonder my boyfriend doesn't like the fact that I hang out with lots of dudes. So many chicks these days are just damned sluts I say!

I have never in my life cheated on anyone, however I have been cheated on, and that sucks!!!


However..luckily I am now in a very trusting and good relationship..In fact my boyfriend and I live together and I can confidently say that living together has only made our relationship better.

Why would we wanna fuck that up? Hes my best friend.

I don't understand my slutty chick friends, or my slutty dude friends for that matter. Seems like finding people that don't sleep around these days is a huge challenge and almost unheard of.

I don't get it.



I lived with my gurl but when she cheated on me i left her, i swear i turned into this black soul. she riped everything we ever had apart and for what?? some ugly asian bitch ughh. she says it was her worse mistake but sometimes i dont believe her.. i felt betrayed and i still do. Im not even sure why we are still together.. shes my bestfriend, the best lover iv had, and she still makes my knees weak.. shes also hit me a couple times but i may have had it comin im known to have a big mouth lmao... but i do agree with you i believe their is more woman cheaters then men. Woman are just so damn good they can get away with it, men for some reason always get caught. I don't agree with cheating, and im ashamed in myself for cheating..

[GraziLovesMary]

Shit happens, just make sure to learn from your mistakes. It sounds like you might want to begin emotionally distancing yourself from her as well, as things sound like they are heading towards the end. My ex used the excuse of "Ever since Robby died(my best friend that died in a car accident last September) youve been different" NO FUCKING SHIT... YA THINK????? Then for the last few months while she was flirting with somebody else she began to distance herself from me more and more. Its for the better though. If she cheated after almost 4 years, she will definitely cheat later on down the line. At least thats how I see it.

You shouldnt have taken her back after the first time she cheated. People that cheat and dont at least have the excuse of being absolutely wasted have cheating in their blood and most likely will never stop.

Not saying everybodys the same but... well ya know.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

^^^ i completely agree but for some reason i cant bring myself to saying bye.. i guess im afraid i will be alone, she was their when my mother passed, and that created such a strong bond between us friend wise... and i already have a feeling she is cheating again.. so i just do my own thing, she does her.. ps long distant relationships never ever work.. at least it doesn't work for me, she lives 45 min away not far, but far enough to cause problems..

[TallulahGreen]

^^^ i completely agree but for some reason i cant bring myself to saying bye.. i guess im afraid i will be alone, she was their when my mother passed, and that created such a strong bond between us friend wise... and i already have a feeling she is cheating again.. so i just do my own thing, she does her.. ps long distant relationships never ever work.. at least it doesn't work for me, she lives 45 min away not far, but far enough to cause problems..

I agree, long distance doesn't work very well. At least it's only 45 minutes though.

I moved away from my boyfriend for school shit for 3 months..and I only got to see him like once a month.

When I moved back he wasn't sure if he wanted to be together still because he was so used to it being different. It only took a couple days though to realize that he did want to be in a relationship..and ended up buying me a diamon ring/???...then a few months later we moved in together...

Boys can be so confusing..

[GraziLovesMary]

Boys can be so confusing..

Absolutely... Men are much simpler.

[iStaaHi]

man,, my fuckin girlfreind asked me if i think this guy would rape anyone, and then she said hes comin over to her house, wtf,, im stuck here, i cand gett over there, shes mad at me cuz i got angry and yelled at her a bit but its onlyu cuz i care, she doesnt understand, im worried,,

and i would never cheat on my g/f,, and i never have cheated before,,

if you like a women snuf to want to have a relationship with her then why the fuck would you even have the urge to get with someone else?

[TallulahGreen]

Absolutely... Men are much simpler.

Boys..Men...whatever makes no difference to me.

[Hardcore Newbie]

My first relationship (2 years) I got cheated on, and I can honestly say it didn't bother me one bit. I ended the relationship, yeah, but I feel that anyone that can do such a malicious act isn't worth being hurt over. We're still decent friends but i can't trust her so I can't be in a relationship with her, that's all.

[jdub61]

i have a friend who goes to tulane university in new orleans, and she said that basically every relationship is *not* exclusive, that everybody pretty much hooks up with everybody... of course i've been to their campus before and they have bars with the dancing floors and all *on* their campus, very alcoholic school, so that probably doesn't help. it just shocks me, though, because i go to a "nerd school" which is totally opposite. in any case, i've never cheated and it's definitely a low thing to do.

[Reefer Rogue]

I've never been cheated on. One g/f said that she prob wud cheat on me though so we ended up breaking up, ha. We're still friends wen i see her but she's in the US. My girl i have now would never cheat on me and i would never cheat on her either. I've been so happy since i've been with her.