Please Help Me. (kind of long)

[horror business]

I want to start off by saying this is not a marijuana-related question, but rather a question regarding my mental state.

When I was 13 I started to have ptsd-related panic attacks. At the time, I had no knowledge of ptsd or panic attacks, or any sort of mental disorders, because previously I had been fine. So, my panic attacks scared the shit out of me, which caused me to fall into a deep, deep depression, because I'd have multiple intense panic attacks a day, and I didn't know what was causing them, how to make them to stop, or what was happening.

After going to many therapists and doctors it was obvious I needed to be put on some sort of medication. I was initially put on Paxil CR at the lowest dosage. After a few weeks of gradually subsiding panic attacks, the feeling of the panic (in your stomach) and being worried, etc... all went away, but I was displaying physical symptoms of panic, such as shaking, and my body acting as if I was scared, even though I didn't feel like it. So, the doctor told me that this was normal, and they just needed to fix the dose. Well, they kept increasing it, and I became accustomed to the minor shaking and jitterness. I am now 17 and on non-controlled-release Paxil 40MG. I have been on this same medication for a few years ago.

Well, I never got panic attacks since then. In fact, I became quite numb to everything. My father died of cancer a few weeks before I turned 15. Being on Paxil never let me grieve properly, as it mainly just kept it out of my mind. When I think about it to this day, I can still break down, just like when I first heard the news.

Anyway, I'm a daily marijuana smoker. It helps me mellow out and calm down, which helps me more than you can imagine. But, for almost a year now, my mom's verbally and sometimes physically abusive boyfriend has been living with us. When she tried to get him evicted after THIS: http://boards.cannabis.com/experiences/115734-shitty-experience.html happened, he blackmailed her, so for now, he's still here. By the way, the link I provided is my friends account of what happened. I'm the buddy he's talking about.

They are always screaming and fighting, and since the cops came and I had to destroy the only things that I loved, I've been constantly anxious. I just can't relax, because when I do, I fear the same thing will happen. I think I've developed PTSD about last weekend. Because I'll be in my room, smoking, listening to music, and then I'll hear them scream and shout, and, I get that same extremely paranoid feeling, about losing everything I have, etc...

On with the purpose of this post. Someone gave me a 10MG valium, for free. I had only had experience in the past with powerful stimulants (which after doing many times, i've never had an urge to do them again, and generally dislike), and opiates. After looking up information on it, to make sure I wouldn't die, from an interaction with paxil, and learning about what it would do, I decided it would be perfect for me, because at the time they were fighting, my mom was crying, he was slamming doors, and i was a nervous reck, when i stood up my stomach would feel all nervous, and i'd be all shaky. So, I took the valium.

I didn't take it to get "high", I took it for it's purpose. In fact, I experienced no high-like effects, other than feeling perfectly relaxed and content. It was a miracle pill. An hour before I was scared to be in my own house, and a nervous reck, and an hour later, I was in the same situation, but perfectly content and relaxed, and able to focus and clear my mind.

So, I plan on going to the doctor, and explaining the situation. Is it possible they will prescribe me valium? I am 17 1/2. I have no connection to get valium on the black market, and don't intend on abusing these pills, but given my home-situation, I feel as if they would benefit me greatly.

I also plan on getting off of Paxil. I think valium will help me get off paxil as well, since i've heard getting of paxil is complete hell.

Please tell me what I should say to my doctor. If I tell her my story about how valium made me feel normal and fine for the first time in years, will she think I'm just going to sell them or abuse them, or something?

Also, all my problems are anxiety related. My initial anxiety is what caused me to become depressed. I am no longer depressed, when I can be relaxed and calm. It's just all the stress and everything. So, hopefully she won't put me on another anti-depressant because I don't want them. Valium seems to be what I need.

What other medications could she possibly suggest given my symptoms of anxiety. I have anxiety in almost every aspect of my life, except for when I'm home in a safe environment, but lately it hasn't been safe, so I need valium. If I tell the doctor "I need valium" will she take me seriously? I'm not sure how often valium is prescribed, or what ever. Please give me your help and advice.

Peace,
horror business :rasta:

[birdgirl73]

Sorry you're experiencing such anxiety and an unsafe situation at home, HB.

When you go off the Paxil, you're going to have to do that very slowly and lower the dosage gradually over a period of weeks. If you suddenly stop it instead of slowly weaning yourself off it, you will have terrible symptoms/side effects. Even with slow lowering of the dose, it likely won't be pleasant.

As far as the question about the other drug (I'm trying to be circumspect about its name because we're really not supposed to talk directly about other drugs). Here it's probably OK since you're talking about something you want to be medically prescribed. But for other responders, be very careful so we don't have to delete your posts.

OK, as far as that other drug--the one in the benzodiazapene family that starts with a V--most physicians are very wary of prescribing it because it's such an easy drug to get addicted to. If they do prescribe it or something similar, they'll usually only write a script for 15 or 20 pills so you won't get enough that you could begin to abuse them or get hooked. They do the same thing with xanax, clonopin and other tranquilizers. The types of doctors who'll sometimes prescribe a few more are generally psychiatrists, and that's only after they've evaluated you and discovered that you are indeed in the throes of a lot of anxiety.

The best way NOT to get the drug would be to go in and tell a doctor "I need valium" because that'll be a signal that you want it, and the doc will be suspicious that you want it for a reason other than anxiety. Since they're the ones with medical and pharmacological knowledge, they're the ones who have to evaluate you and make the decision about need. Your business is to clearly convey that you're having a lot of anxiety. It might be helpful to tell the doctor that you took a valium given to you by a friend and found it helpful. The tendency for people to abuse or get easily hooked on valium, however, is precisely why they prefer to prescribe the SSRI antidepressants like Paxil or Effexor or others. They're not nearly as easy to get physically addicted to (although they do produce some side effects when people are raising or lowering the dosages). So brace yourself in case you doctor tells you she prefers you stay on the Paxil or switch to another drug like it.

Good luck, HB!

[horror business]

Thanks birdgirl, you've always been there for me, in tough situations.

I've heard from others, that xanax might be what the doctor would try to prescribe me, as I guess it's common. I've had no experience with it, but I know of a lot of people who abuse them, or sell them. So, I'd rather not have them. I'd rather have something I KNOW that works, which I found out valium does.

I've been thinking for years about getting off my anti-depressants, as I'm no longer depressed, and haven't had one of those panic attacks in a long time, but now, I'm always in a constant state of anxiety, and tense. I feel my adrenaline pumping a lot.

The doctor has been my family doctor for 5 years, and has been there the whole time, with my dad's death, my initial anxiety and depression, and was the one who had me on paxil. It's also kind of obvious that I'm not faking my symptoms, if you knew me in real life, as I prefer to stay at home, without the company of friends, alone, as it's the only place I felt safe. Now, being in my house I don't feel safe. He used to physically abuse me, but my mom stopped that. His last wife, he severly abused her. Now, he just verbally abuses everyone. But, as a concerned son, I'm also extremely paranoid that in an argument, he might try and hurt my mom.

So, the doctor knows some of the unfortunate medical events that have happened in my life and my families life.

Whatever she tells me, I'm telling her I want off of anti-depressants. Obviously I'll do it the correct way. I also have a huge fear of something bad happening when I come off of them, like me having a complete nervous breakdown. I've heard someone say they got a prescription for valium for coming off of paxil. I'll have to stress to the doctor, that I've tried it, and it helps.

Doing research on Diazepam (valium), I found out that people under 18, are generally prescribed the minimum dosage, and usually for epilepsy. Or pre or post operative treatment. I don't know what pre and post operative treatment refers to, so maybe someone could clear that up for me.

If I do get a small prescription of low dose diazepam such as 2mg or 5mg, that wouldn't do anything, because when I took the 10mg, that's what helped me, and made me feel fine. No "intoxicating" effects. I should tell the doctor that I assume?

When the doctor sees me, it will also be quite obvious I'm not in a well state, as I've lost so much weight. I wasn't even fat to begin with. I just am so nervous most of the time, where I only eat when I'm hungry. I was at a normal weight for my age a few years ago. I am now easily 40 pounds under that now, and a lot older and taller.

[Trip06]

I Developed really bad anxiety from smoking large amounts of weed daily for along time. Combined with some depression it practicly shut me down. So I got on valium (10mgs also) and everything was perfect. Never felt like shit, lots of confidence, and relaxed. Shame I like to over do things when im alone and boerd so I ended up abusing and building up a tolerance. Words of advice valuim and all anxiety medications are addicting, If you are abusing it and suddenly stop you can DIE! And I got bad withdrawls and worse anxiety afterwards so be careful man.

[horror business]

Yeah, I heard they can be addicting, but like I said, I don't plan on abusing them. Just 10mg was perfect for me. Marijuana is my drug of choice. I view valium as a more-effecient medicine for me than the anti-depressant that I'm already on. I mean, one valium and I felt normal for the first time in years.

[birdgirl73]

Definitely stress to the doctor that you've tried Valium and that it helped. I'm glad your doc will have a good feel for your situation and can see you're having bad trouble with anxiety.

You won't have a nervous breakdown when you go off Paxil. You just may experience some physcial sensations. Shivering. Strange electrical flashes. A feeling of not being yourself. Headaches. Trouble sleeping. They go away in time. Just make sure that you go down and off the medicine very slowly and gradually. Those symptoms are much more pronounded in people who suddenly stop taking the medication cold-turkey. A tranquilizer might indeed help take the edge off those symptoms if she'll prescribe one for you.

As far as whether you get Xanax or Valium, they're both highly abused, street-sold drugs. Both are easily addicting and heavily abused. One's not necessarily better than another. Chemically, they're close cousins. They're both very effective in treating anxiety, but Xanax is prescribed more frequently for that problem. Valium is also used as an anti-convulsant (anti-seizure) med and, as you read, for surgical treatment. People who're going into surgery often get pre-operative IV valium to calm them down and sedate them, and it's used for people after surgery, too, for the same reason. It's a very commonly used anesthetic on its own for procedures that simply require heavy sedation without endotracheal intubation--things like wisdom teeth extraction, cardiac catheterizations, etc.

If you're having serious trouble with anxiety right now, you definitely want to watch your intake of cannabis. As much as you dont want to hear this and feel it's your drug of choice, it can indeed make anxiety much worse, especially in someone who's having situational anxiety trouble. If cannabis were legal and you could easily find the perfect Indica-heavy strain, it woudln't be an issue, but the Sativa strains tend to make anxiety worse in a lot of folks. So use caution there, OK?

[horror business]

But see, cannabis is the only thing that helps, other than valium. When I'm high, I'm perfectly fine, unless it gets ruined by my family situation. Lately I've been getting Lavender Kush, Levi, and Juicy. They are all dank. They seem to help my anxiety more than the sativa-dominant sinsemilla I had previously been getting.

Unfortunately, a large part of my anxiety is about people trying to ruin my life, because of my cannabis lifestyle. Also, unfortunately, it's not a paranoid delusion, as, if anyone's followed the link I provided, they would find out that I had to destroy 3 confirmed females in their 2nd week of flowering. Those plants meant everything to me, and honestly gave my life purpose. They depended on me to water them, to feed them, and to give them light. Before that, I had no responsibilities or anything to be proud of.

To try and compensate for my loss, I purchased some vegetables to grow in my grow-room, but it's still just not the same, as cannabis is what I feel I was put on the earth to help, and I've dedicated my life to the cultivation, use, education, and pro-legislation to cannabis.

If it weren't for my lifestyle, I could simply call the police when he is being an abusive asshole, and have him hauled away, without any fear of someone trying to turn the tables on me.