looking for advice, please...

[Jimbob1310]

well, ill try to keep it short. but i need ideas on what the fuck to do cause im rly depressed :'( pleast take the time to read its extremely appreaciated.

ok im 16, 10th grade, and i must admit i dont find myself attractive. im 5'8 or so and i weigh 115. basicly im a lanky, skinny peice of shit lol. ive had a few relationships, my lack of experience does worry me sometimes though.

this october i met this girl, this might sound excessive but this is the honist truth, i fell so deeply in love with her just from sight, shes absolutely beautiful, shes my wife, if i dont get married to her im not getting married. we hung out for a few months and soon became best friends. we are so close now its unbeleiviable. ive been hanging around with her for a long time and have been there for all of her boyfriends and i helped her out if she needed it (keeping in mind that this is emotional suicide because of how i feel about her) So, 2 months ago, were both sleeping over at our other friends house and i was in for the suprise of my life, at 4 in the morning after a long night of cuddling (:D) she says...."tyler i have to tell you something, i like you" i swear to fucking god i could have just died when she said that. so i kissed her and we went to sleep. we started hooking up on a semi regular basis and this was just more than i could ever dream of, and we still are. were not dating though, so theres no commitment, and werre trying to avoid that just for the sake of our friendship, which was a mutual agreement.

so whats the problem? ive come to the harsh realization that the chances of me being with my dream girlfriend forever are, miniscule. ive told her i loved her on several special occasions and she said it back. that would mean something if she didnt say "i love you" to every fucking prick she whored herself out to, then comes bitching to me when they didnt actually like her they just wanted to get in her pants. i CANT trust her, bottom line. i cant emphasize enough what she means to me, i would do absolutely anything in the world for her, i mean ANYTHING. im at the point where ive questioned myself for even being friends with her. the more im around her, the more i love her, when im not with her shes all i can think about.

i dont know what the fuck im doing anymore, this is literally tearing me apart. ive done every drug in the book to try to get away from it all and nothing. i just dont know...

please help me if you can, ANY advice or anything is extremely appreaciated. thanks guys...

[thcbongman]

You gotta chill a little bro. You are becoming a bit possessive there. How's she a whore? What has she done that's so whoreish for being young, and wanting to fuck others? Are you 2 actually in a relationship?

[Jimbob1310]

shes a whore because she always gets with these random guys that she has known for a week, and then complains to be how she regrets it.

techniallt were not in a relationship but shes my best friend and she knows how i feel about her and she goes and sucks off some douche. what the fuck is up with that.

how would you feel? =\

[birdgirl73]

Sounds like she's not exactly ideal girlfriend material, Jimbo. If she's got such a low opinion of herself that she's hooking up with/blowing guys randomly, that's not exactly a good sign. You may not yet be able to see this, but I speak the truth.

You, too, have some confidence issues going on or you A) wouldn't describe yourself as a "lanky, skinny piece of S" and B) wouldn't be so drawn to a girl like this one. Try and give yourself a break, OK? And don't over-obsess about that girl, either, because that's just getting you more worked up and more depressed right now.

You can work on your depression with the best natural antidepressant there is, which is exercise. That'll also help your bod and your confidence. Quit trying every drug in the book. That's playing with fire and you know it. Keep watching the patterns of this girl. She may be pretty and you have idealized her and worked yourself up into thinking she's the one, but if she changes her mind, decides you're The One and hooks up with you, trust me. There's going to be a Next One right after you. And a Next One right after him . . . .

You're 16, for goodness sakes, and still growing and still learning. You're not supposed to have a lot of experience right now. Give yourself a break. Read this thread for some more information (ignore one of the responders and listen to the women and the guys like THCBongman and P4B) on a similar topic:

http://boards.cannabis.com/sexuality/114881-what-am-i-doing-wrong.html#post1414970

[thcbongman]

What do you want accomplished? Because I think you should read what you have wrote.. You have the answer.

[halo]

Try not paying so much attention to her. I'm not really one to talk cause i too havent had much experience with women. I'm 15 10th grade 6'2" 180lbs. not that any of that is really important. But i have been in the same boat as you are. In 7th and 8th grade there was this girl i had a huge crush on. I made the awful mistake of becoming her friend. She knew how i felt about her (we were going out in 6th grade), and she told me she kinda liked me too. But she would always get with these asshole guys(even though it was only middleschool you know theres still assholes) and tell me about how her relationships suck and shit. And i would be like hello im right fucking here im nice to you im your friend why wont you go out with me? She always said that we were best friends, and she didnt want to "ruin our friendship." So after a while i just sorta stopped talking to her and since we went to different schools for high school it made it a lot easier to avoid contact with her. I still see her every now and then and still talk to her over AIM but thats it. Honestly i still have a thing for her and am hoping to change my attitude and win her back this summer but i dont know how likely that is. My advice is move on. Stop trying to get her to go out with you by being her friend. She is a lost cause as far as relationships between you too go. Besides, would you really want to be with some girl who sucks a different guy off every week?

[rebgirl420]

Your 16, step it down a notch there skippy. She sounds shady as hell...i'd turn around and get away before you make a mistake you'll regret.

[Skink]

Your 16, step it down a notch there skippy. She sounds shady as hell...i'd turn around and get away before you make a mistake you'll regret.

▓▓▓▓Skippy???▓▓▓▓

[rebgirl420]

yeah its something I say to people, I heard it on a commercial once and it stuck, who knew?

[cannabis=freedom]

Birdgirl, you, like many others, have linked casual sex to low self-esteem, which simply isn't always the case. It's a double standard, really; if a guy has casual sex it's fine and he's on top of the world, but if a girl does she thinks of herself as shit, right?

Jimbob, I also know how you feel. The difference is, my dream girl had no further interest in me outside of friendship. Consider yourself lucky. I know this really sucks right now, though, and you should probably have a conversation with her about this if you're close.

[bucknuts1870]

Fool around with her best friend.

[passitplz]

Fool around with her best friend.

lmao fucked up but it will work

[Jimbob1310]

wow thanks for all the help, ill defanitly take this into consideration. after a long night last night ive cried away most of those feelings and and feeling much better so thanks :)

[birdgirl73]

Birdgirl, you, like many others, have linked casual sex to low self-esteem, which simply isn't always the case. It's a double standard, really; if a guy has casual sex it's fine and he's on top of the world, but if a girl does she thinks of herself as shit, right?

You might want to look more closely at the original thread, Cannabis=Freedom, because you're the one who made that assumption, not me. Jimbo's not out having casual sex. At least not that he mentioned. In the story he related to us, the girl is. I'm afraid you put your own double standard on that, my friend.

If Jimbo had said he was out getting his jollies plowing as many girls as he could--or simply racking up serial BJs--I'd have said the same thing to him. Folks of either gender who're looking for validation from emotionally unconnected sex with people they don't know frequently have issues. Talk to anyone who works with people with sex addictions and you'll find this out, too, although I'm convinced the behavior doesn't have to have deteriorated to the point of sex addiction before it reflects less-than-ideal esteem. Guys may not think this is the case because there are an awful lot of guys out there who think they're supposed to behave in this fashion, but it's equally true for them, too. The distorted thinking is that they can bolster their masculinity with conquests. It's the same sort of thought pattern that motivates behavior in which someone tries to fulfill some internal need with external "stuff" like cars or clothes. In the end it doesn't work, and the compulsion to keep buying stuff or nailing strange women just continues infinitely because the intrinsic validation isn't occurring.

So in case I wasn't clear enough, it's very much a two-way street. There will be some macho, nail-as-many-as-you-can-get types who'll argue this. But I don't buy it at all. Neither does anyone with a brain or basic insight into psychology.

[DR_CANNABIS]

god dude you dont even know.... i am pretty much in the exact same situation as you, im 16, in the tenth grade. and my best friend who is female, a good looking one at that, have had experiences like that, the difference is, she has a bf, has had the same one and she comes over sometimes and we end up doing "stuff" weve never actually had sex, but pretty much everything else. this has been going on for about 5 months now... and for the first few i felt the same way as you, but then i just realized that i was her best friend that just so happen to be somewhat of a booty call.... but im not complaining.

[Jimbob1310]

well im actually on the phone with her now, and she just conviently cleared up the fact that she still does still like me and dosnt just fall for other guys. =\

well i guess thats good to hear

[cannabis=freedom]

You might want to look more closely at the original thread, Cannabis=Freedom, because you're the one who made that assumption, not me. Jimbo's not out having casual sex. At least not that he mentioned. In the story he related to us, the girl is. I'm afraid you put your own double standard on that, my friend.

If Jimbo had said he was out getting his jollies plowing as many girls as he could--or simply racking up serial BJs--I'd have said the same thing to him. Folks of either gender who're looking for validation from emotionally unconnected sex with people they don't know frequently have issues. Talk to anyone who works with people with sex addictions and you'll find this out, too, although I'm convinced the behavior doesn't have to have deteriorated to the point of sex addiction before it reflects less-than-ideal esteem. Guys may not think this is the case because there are an awful lot of guys out there who think they're supposed to behave in this fashion, but it's equally true for them, too. The distorted thinking is that they can bolster their masculinity with conquests. It's the same sort of thought pattern that motivates behavior in which someone tries to fulfill some internal need with external "stuff" like cars or clothes. In the end it doesn't work, and the compulsion to keep buying stuff or nailing strange women just continues infinitely because the intrinsic validation isn't occurring.

So in case I wasn't clear enough, it's very much a two-way street. There will be some macho, nail-as-many-as-you-can-get types who'll argue this. But I don't buy it at all. Neither does anyone with a brain or basic insight into psychology.

I absolutely agree with everything you said. I was unaware that you were referring to people of both genders, and I thought you were only referring to women. Thanks for clearing that up.