Venting in progress!

[RESiNATE]

Ok, so here's the deal:

I have not worked consistently for some time (lucky to get 3days work a week), and as such, I find myself in a state of financial hardship.
I went to the bank yesterday, and managed to secure an overdraft extension. Basically, this will enable me to pay my rent, get some food, and fill my car with petrol. I will have very little left over to buy my kids a christmas present - this makes me feel very sad :(

I got a text from my ex-wife today, saying that she will get some presents for the kids on my behalf.

Now, this is typical of her - she sticks her nose in where it isn't wanted, and makes sure that she gets a few digs into me whilst she's at it.

I told her that I didn't want her to get anything 'on my behalf', as the problem is mine - aside from the fact that she was extremely derrogatory about my current situation!:mad:
She always pokes her nose in, and it really pisses me off - she seems to try to find ways of telling me that I am a failure, and that I don't care that the kids won't have anything from me this year (well, not until I've got a new job sorted).
FFS!!
She thenb rings me up, and TELLS me that she's got some things, and made a point of telling me that it all cost £65...and practically demanded that I take them!
She said:"I'm not sending the kids to yours if they haven't got anything under the tree from you!"
WTF!
I said that I'm just as willing for the kids to learn that sometimes they can't have everything that they want - to which she replied that I was being horrible and mean, when she has 'so graciously' 'done me a favour'!!!

I mean, FFS, I don't feel too proud of the fact that I am skint, but by the same token I want to bring the kids up to realise that sometimes life is tough. I think it would give them a sense of appreciation for the times when life is good!

She is always interfering in my life, telling me what I should do and how to live - fuck her the fuck up :mad:

You know, and she doesn't even be nice about it - there is always a caustic remark, a put-down, and a distainful comment, like, "I'm doing this for the kids, not you!"....that's after she has told me that she's 'doing me a favour'!

I fucking hate christmas!!
Bah fucking humbug!
:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Rant over

[maryjanemama]

I've been accused of being a Scrooge in the past, Res. You're ex is a sea hag in tight pants. The buying of presents business is completely out of control. Children know love and they can tell the difference between presents under the tree and who really cares for them. You have every right to see them, no matter what. Tell her to take the gifts she bought "on your behalf", return them, and buy herself a muzzle.

[RESiNATE]

lol,MJM..yeah, I don't know that there is a muzzle big enough!

It's always the same with her...she seems to think that a certain amount must be spent - £200!!! - and isn't happy unless she has spent that amount.
Commercialism has destroyed the 'spirit' of christmas - I'm not talking about the religious side of things, I'm talking about the family get-to-together, the sharing of company and goodwill. Nowadays, it seems that people go into some kind of mental insanity, and have to spend thousands of money.
Why?:confused:

Sure, I wanna give my kids presents, they have both been good at school and (when they're with me, at least) are showing out to be good kids...but I DO resent the fact that, just because I can't match her 'generosity', she sees me as being a crap dad!

I mean, she's aready fucked me over by shagging my mate, fucked me over by running up loads of credit card debt (a contributary factor to my current financial predicament), spent our entire marriage by slagging me off and treating me like shit...now she waves her new boyfriend in my face and tells me that I'm not living up to my responsibilities as a father!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHhh..I am soooo fucking mad right now!!!!!

:mad:

[RESiNATE]

FFS!!

I just got another text from the bitch, saying that she's told the kids that Santa won't be going to my house, and that he is going to bring all the stuff to hers!!

What kind of a mother does that?

She's lucky that I can restrain myself from lowering myself to her level!

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

[psychocat]

I know a man with a 45 , any help???

Only jokin man but I understand .

[RESiNATE]

Tempting, psychocat...very tempting lol

[RESiNATE]

You know, it's a bit like being woken up one day, and being told...
"Remember how you were saying that we couldn't afford a holiday? Well, I kinda ignored everything that we discussed and booked a £600 holiday on the credit card...I hope you don't mind."

Oh...wait a minute..:rolleyes:..that rings a bell!!!

Oh yeah, of course...that is exactly what DID happen.
Kinda like, "What do you think?....yeah?..well, I'm gonna do what the fuck I like anyway!"

Fancy telling the kids that Santa aint coming to my house...WTF!
Is it me, or is that just plain twisted?

I've told her to not talk to me, for fear that I might say something that I regret!
And yet she sends another text, saying that basically I am a waste of space and that I am shirking on my responsibilities as a father!

And damning me in front of the kids is being responsible???

I've never done that to her, despite what I think of her - I've never bad-mouthed her to the kids, and never would....
She, it seems, is not so gracious as she is trying to make out!

Fucking fuck bollocks:mad:

Res the unhappy bunny:mad:

[Lulu]

Res she sounds like a complete trollop and a nasty, petty wagon. You're a good Dad, don't let her make you feel bad. Ignore everything she says, talk to the kids yourself and explain stuff as best you can. You're good with words and you'll make a wonderful Christmas for yourself and your children with or without the spondulicks.

Lulu xx

[RESiNATE]

Thanks for the comfort, Lulu :)

Sorry to bleat on about it, but if I don't release the pressure by typing it out, then I'll just end up festering on the sofa feeling sorry for myself :(
But also, I guess, it kinda gives peeps an insight into why I get so dark - the patheticness of some people, being one of them!

It just doesn't help, when I have to endure the bitch's constant need to slag me off in some way - like, we're not married anymore, ffs! (well, actually, legally we are - I can't afford the divorce proceedings lmfaoo...irony at it's best!).

She took some relish in telling me that the kids 'seemed very disappointed' when she told them that 'Father Christmas wouldn't be going to daddy's house'...:eek:

Luckily, I have already been honest with the boys, and explained the money situation to them (as best as one can to a 6 & 4 yr old lol) - but I was already going to handle the Santa issue...cuh!
Now I gotta face the kids' interrogation about what their mother told them!

blah blah blah

[The C]

Hey Res.

It's not really my buisinsess. But I would try to fill the kids up with values at this time. Make drinking the eggnog a special event. Go to the skateing rink, build snow people. Throw good values and im sure your kids will appreciate that just as much as anything. It seems the last thing they need is exactly 200 pounds in shit.

I'm not sure, i would even consider buying her a gift, to show her that her financial help is not welcome. Think of something from the heart thats meaning full. M.J had a good idea with the muzzle, try involving that. :p

I really don't know, thats just what I would do. Mabe not involve the muzzle though. She has been rude to you. It depends on the relationship really suppose.

[daZenfmeister]

Dude wtf your 'wife' sounds more like a mental patient than a mother, instead of getting your kids anything just get her a psychological exam as an xmas present.

But holy crap dude what kind of a bitch messes with her own kids to spite their father????? Thats some messed up shit. Just whatever you do don't try to turn the kids on their mother tbecause that is the worst thing in the world I know first hand.

Anyways I wish I could help you out but I literally have like $2.50 in the bank (I live at home and don't really pay rent or anything and im only 16 so....but still thats bad and I still have to get my dad an Xmas present. But he doesnt really want anything, anyways im rambling)

Send me an E-mail at [email protected] with your addy and i'll send you a 'present' in the form of an xmas bud =D

Just go camping or do soemthing fun with your kids as a xmas present, because memories are forever but a batman action figure will just get flushed down the toilet after they get bored with it =D

[DrGonzo]

daZenfmeister has a great point there. Your kids will want to come back to visit you because of the fun they have with their pa, not because of the cool stuff he gets them. ever wonder how grandmothers do it? 'spoiling them rotten' isn't even necessary. a kind word, maybe a cookie that you baked with them, and they will start to realize how different you and your ex really are. and your children will appreciate those differences.

[SomeGuy]

I agree with The C just try to teach your kids about how christmas isnt as much about presents as it is... say Jesus, or Morals, or Family. Take them out and have a good time, somewhere cheap. Also i know its none of my business but really try to get a permanent job...I know your trying... but try as hard as you can, and use the internet and all the papers ect... Sorry I really dont know how hard it is to get a job there..but isnt there something like a "day labor" center where you can go get hired to Manual Labor jobs on a daily basis? Save some money...start a business... ?

[clevemire]

I also agree with C. For the time being, make it a point to show them how much you love them. Make up for the lack of goodies. Emphasize to them what we all already know: It's about the love and togetherness. Being with one another. That value is something you can give to them that you're swamp moster ex can't.

The whole "Santa isn't visiting daddy's house" is some low, low shit. However, kudos to you for remaining above such a low level.

You're a smart and resourceful man, Res. You'll figure out how to make it work for the time being, I'm sure. When your kids get older and are mature enough to completely understand the whole situation, then the ball will be in your court.

[RESiNATE]

I'm not sure, i would even consider buying her a gift, to show her that her financial help is not welcome. Think of something from the heart thats meaning full. M.J had a good idea with the muzzle, try involving that. :p

lol...that made me chuckle :D

Anyways I wish I could help you out but I literally have like $2.50 in the bank
:)cheers man, bless you for the thought

And, DrGonzo and SomeGuy


When your kids get older and are mature enough to completely understand the whole situation, then the ball will be in your court.
Aye, I'm counting on that, cleve :)

Yups, the boys and I will be coolies, I'm sure :)

I've kinda cooled down now, but thanks for the words guys - I appreciate it
Res...

[BOgart.bitch]

fuck her. dont let her tell you how to raise your kids.. she can raise them, at her house, how she pleases and you should have the right to raise them to the best of your ability - without her snotty nosed principles being pushed in your face. christmas isnt about gifts and you know what - the greatest gift you can give someone is the ability to realize that money isnt everything. i come from a family that is too poor to put presents under the tree and it doesnt bother me in the least.. because what we dont have in money we have in love - and thats what matters

*corny music playing in background* lol

[RESiNATE]

hehehe...I agree with everything that you said, BOgart :)
I too come from a background where christmas dinner was the present, and as kids, my brother and I didn't have much...but we were happy with what we got, because we knew how much our mum had to save up for our gifts.
I feel really bad for not being able to get my kids much - of course I want to get them some cool presents, but what do I do?
She (the bitch) can't seem to see that my choices are between getting the kids cool gifts, or paying the rent. Her solution, as was always the case, is to rack up loads of debt - but, come the end of january, I should be starting a new job and earning regular money again - therefore, after a couple of months of 'catch-up', I will be able to do all the things that I want to with my kids.
But even before that, I planned to have as good a time with them as I could, but thanks to her interferring, the kids have already got a mindset that they are losing out!
And that's what is really pissing me off.
thanks BB, and lol@corny music :D

[maryjanemama]

Res's ex

[thcbongman]

You can't buy love. Even though the world is becoming more materialistic and disconnected, spirit remains alive.

[RESiNATE]

LMFAOoo...MJM, you just made me cough on my 'inhale', dudette :D
That picture is sooo close to the truth, you wouldn't belieeeeve!! hahaha
Nice one :) hehehee..still laffin'
Thanks MJM xhugx
:)

[Euphoric]

here ya go rez

[Euphoric]

they're lucky charms

[Euphoric]

whoops i didnt mean to rip your idea mjm :D

[florida boy 3]

it's not about the presents, all your kids want is you. you need to put your foot down about your ex.

[Set the Truth Free]

My mother used to (and still does) mess with my head, telling me all sorts of outrageous stories about my father in the hopes that I'll turn my back on him and live with her happily ever after. I wanted a cat around the same time she was moving across the country (They made me make the choice of where I wanted to live- I was, like, 11 years old) and my mother told me that my Dad hates cats and he threw one out the window, and if I wanted a cat I would have to live with her, etc. She says stuff like that all the time, and always has. I doubt she'll stop, but what she was trying to do- kill my love for my father, was reversed. I started to resent all her lies and am now closer to my father than I am to her. My fondest memories are with my father- him reading me stories at bedtime, and playing Tag with me and my brother in the pool, and going sledding on winter days. My mother had more money then he did, but I have more good memories of my father than of her. RESiNATE, you're kids will probably end up being closer to you then her. Keep doing what you're doing and refuse to sink to her level- in the end, your kids will respect your maturity more than your wife's inability to keep her mouth shut. The only thing she's doing is isolating the children from herself.
And another thing- congragulations on the job. That shows a wonderful committment to your kids that they'll really appreciate when they're old enough to understand. Merry Chiristmas to you, and may you and your kids have a wonderful X-mas with lots of fun and a good lesson in the true spirit of Christmas.

[Day Dreamin Faze]

merry xmas :D

[RESiNATE]

Thanks Set, you make perfect sense :)

I know that I have a great battle on my hands, when it comes to raising my kids; she cannot curb her language in front of them, she is instilling in them a sense of materialism, and (as far as I can tell) doesn't spend enough quality time with them.
Sure, I know that I don't have them 24/7, and in that respect, I guess it is easier for me to dedicate my time to them - but the language annoys me, the materialism is something that disgusts me.

Yeps, I'm going to get a few gifts on Santa's behalf today, and will adopt an air of confusion when the kids ask why Santa aint coming to my house. :D

I just wished she'd butt-out of my life, and stop 'doing me favours' (as she calls it).

When my parents split up, I wasn't given a choice of who I lived with - and I'm glad I didn't. Yeah, it was hard for my mum to bring us up, but we never knew of any animosity between our parents - I was kinda hoping that my kids would experience the same, but alas, their mother makes things very hard sometimes.

Thanks for the support and sufferance of my moaning, you guys :D
One day, I'll break free of this depressive state of mind, and you will know me for who I really am....in the meantime, I know that I have peeps that I can vent at and express myself to - and that is a valuable thing indeed :D:)

Anyways - that was yesterday...today is a new day!!!

A Merry Christmas to everyone, and to everyone a Happy New Year :D
Res...