More relentless contemplation, by yours truly.

[Ganj]

I should get mad rep. points for this. :p


Ladies and gentlemen, the following segment of this post is the epitome of doubt. Your advice is always welcome, however it is not vital. Doubt consumes knowledge, and immerses your "faith" into a realm hardly visited by the strong-willed, until it transforms you into a machine. Eventually, doubt will consume a promising spirit, until all that remains is a breathing carcass.



I feel sorry for myself at times, I realize the harm I bring in the atmosphere, however as I am guilty so are you.

It is I who looks in the mirror with a critical eye. I see flaw, a liar and a thief, a nuisance to your calm, and a boy with no purpose.

I am eternally convicted of injustice by none other than myself.

To view myself through these suffering eyes, I only become more distant. It is ironic, that by trying to be the best, most righteous person, I only shy away under the stone of improvement...of perfection in all relevant matters in reality.

I seek reality, yet the search leaves me baffled. The whole process could be deemed distracting itself.

[mfqr]

I should get mad rep. points for this. :p


Ladies and gentlemen, the following segment of this post is the epitome of doubt. Your advice is always welcome, however it is not vital. Doubt consumes knowledge, and immerses your "faith" into a realm hardly visited by the strong-willed, until it transforms you into a machine. Eventually, doubt will consume a promising spirit, until all that remains is a breathing carcass.



I feel sorry for myself at times, I realize the harm I bring in the atmosphere, however as I am guilty so are you.

It is I who looks in the mirror with a critical eye. I see flaw, a liar and a thief, a nuisance to your calm, and a boy with no purpose.

I am eternally convicted of injustice by none other than myself.

To view myself through these suffering eyes, I only become more distant. It is ironic, that by trying to be the best, most righteous person, I only shy away under the stone of improvement...of perfection in all relevant matters in reality.

I seek reality, yet the search leaves me baffled. The whole process could be deemed distracting itself.




It took me awhile to understand this (I think I do), but I think what you're trying to point at is the irony of life? I don't know. This is definitely not the right stuff to read while stoned! I will continue to ponder this. Props to your complex thoughts, but I won't give a rep point, since I don't think that's what matters :).

[Ganj]

It took me awhile to understand this (I think I do), but I think what you're trying to point at is the irony of life? I don't know. This is definitely not the right stuff to read while stoned! I will continue to ponder this. Props to your complex thoughts, but I won't give a rep point, since I don't think that's what matters :).


You're right. Rep. points do not matter, however I felt it would be appropriate seeing as how I am always disturbing the members here with my self-pity. Ganj is synonymous with self-pity.

[Kid Dynamite]

Suck it up dude...

as my old man used to say "Lifes a bitch, and then you marry one"

[Inferius]

Choose whatever illusion makes you the happiest.

[Weedhound]

There is only one person who can change the way you feel: you.

Doubt, while sometimes being overwhelming, seperates the intelligent man from the non-thinking one. Those who don't doubt things don't learn. Doubting is a form of questioning imo. Like anything else it can be taken to the extreme but I certainly appreciate my ability to doubt things....it means I am doing my own thinking.

If life seems that black to you you should look into getting some help. Just remember that NOTHING will change for you until you start changing it. And what you see everyone else enjoying about life can indeed be yours as well. It is all in your hands.

Good luck.

[Ganj]

Umm... you feel it appropriate to receive rep for feeling sorry for yourself?

Terrible, isn't it? Apparently I am known to you all for more than my sullen disposition, but for other qualities that I am not even aware of.

I'm glad that none of you showed me pity, that is not what I am seeking. It's expression. At times, my mind will revert into this mode and I can record my thoughts and feelings with impeccable accuracy, although I'm never quite sure what it all means. This writing comes from a spirit inside me and this is it's means to escape, I think. I posted this for you all. To read, to enjoy and to purge your own minds. I document my fears so that later I can look them in the eye and see it for what it is.

On the other hand, professional counseling has been arranged and I am to speak with someone soon about these patterns of behavior and thought.

[Weedhound]

Good for you Ganj! And when you do feel more balanced what you are experiencing now will give you great empathy in the future. ;)

Good luck.

[higher4hockey]

you should stop using all bold letters.

[Ganj]

you should stop using all bold letters.

That's a step. Haha! All of these confessions and the only thing that bothers you is the darkened text. Thanks, man.

[higher4hockey]

ahhhh thats better ;)

[cannabis=freedom]

Doubt could actually be said to be the biggest problem in the universe. Imagine what we could do if we only truly believed we could.

[Ganj]

It makes you feel limited. Everyone around you changes and succeeds while your doubting mind binds you to a perpetual misery.

[thcbongman]

Live. You'll die someday.

[Ganj]

Live. You'll die someday.

In the words of the great Jim Morrison, "I don't know what's going to happen, but I want to have my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames."

[Emmm]

See, this is what just gets to me about people, it's that they feel like self-pity and self-martyrization is a trophy. Fuck that - I'm confident and proud, and all that matters to me is Me, my life, and those I love.

Selflessness is the bane of human existence, because selflessness implies that you think of others before you think of yourself. One can't be a martyr by oneself, because one depends on others for empathy. And if one lives based on others rather than on the self, how can one even have morals?

Be selfish, think about yourself, be confident - because if you depend on anyone but yourself, you cannot hold convictions. Only your independent spirit is capable of being moral and deeply intellectual, and when you start putting yourself down you give up your independent spirit and start living vicariously.

Those who are arrogant take pride in winning, but those who are confident can even take pride in losing, and those guys never finish last. In order to say "I love you," one has to learn how to say "I" and mean it.

[Ganj]

I won't argue that. I want those qualities for myself. However, selflessness is an admirable trait to procure. I find that by being selfless I am only taken advantage of. I guess more people think about themselves rather than the other way around. Something inside me says that the minority is the stronger of spirits, while the majority, however more powerful in numbers, is weakened by temptation.

[Emmm]

I won't argue that. I want those qualities for myself. However, selflessness is an admirable trait to procure. I find that by being selfless I am only taken advantage of. I guess more people think about themselves rather than the other way around. Something inside me says that the minority is the stronger of spirits, while the majority, however more powerful in numbers, is weakened by temptation.


Okay slow down philosophy-face mcgee,

"However, selflessness is an admirable trait to procure."

Why? There is absolutely nothing admirable about selflessness. Selfless people have no purpose in life. How could they? They have no self to achieve anything with. In order to achieve something, you need be self-motivated, and if you're selfless, you can't be, simple as that.

"I find that by being selfless I am only taken advantage of."

Obviously. Sefless people are treated like tools because they don't stand up for themselves.

"Something inside me says that the minority is the stronger of spirits, while the majority, however more powerful in numbers, is weakened by temptation."

Yeah, the majority is often just sheep-herding, so look around - What do you see? "Think of your neighbors! Donate money here! Be selfless! Think of others before you think of yourself!" It's all over the media, it's revolting.

Anyways, I'll stop here, I have no desire to argue, just making suggestions. What you do with them is up to you.

[Emmm]

I also just realized it sounds like I'm putting you down. I'm not - all to the contrary, I'm trying to give you sound advice.

Peace.

[Ganj]

"Selfless people have no purpose in life. How could they? They have no self to achieve anything with."

Selfless people serve no purpose that they're aware of because they serve the desires of others, however I do think it is impossible to be selfless. And not impossible in the sense that it's difficult to do, but because no matter who you serve, you serve to serve your selflessness. Does that make sense? Like someone who advocates the Lord serves to save themselves from eternal damnation. The act of serving another simply to permeate goodness in the atmosphere, yet the selfless act has a purpose other than to assist another, as it also aims to show the person performing this "selfless" act that they are indeed selfless. When in all actuality they too are selfish, but in a brainwashed kind of way.

Sounds like a tool to me. Good point, Emmm. Of course, this kind of selfish advice would serve me well, as it aims to invigorate my desire to live for myself with no convictions to another, to live freely of mental slavery.

[Emmm]

Hey I'm glad you took it the right way Ganj - and i totally agree with your point about the fact that there is no true selflessness. People who claim to be altruistic usually just want to be perceived as generous and kind.

If you like to read, you might want to take out the works of Friedrich Nietzsche and Ayn Rand, as they both address these issues straight on. I recommend starting with "Beyond Good and Evil" (Nietzsche) or "The Fountainhead" (Rand). The Fountainhead is the easier read, because it's a novel, while Beyond Good and Evil is purely philosophical.

[Ganj]

It is difficult to withhold your concern for another's well-being when people are constantly making stupid decisions. However, my devotion continues to go in vain. It's not that they do not realize that what they're doing is a detriment to their future--they do--I figure they will do what they want, when they want to do it. And as I reserve my time to contemplate my own affairs, so do they. "There is a time for work and a time for play." -Old Saying

The "they" I refer to are my friends. After the high summer of '05, I secluded myself from them because I felt I did them no service by sticking around and getting stoned every day and it also seemed to be a big disservice to myself. However, I yearn for that simpler time--when school let out it was time to play. Now, I've been hurled into adulthood and weighed down by responsibilities. I'll try to keep my mind aligned with the prospects of a prosperous future for myself or 'fulfilling the American Dream' as they say.

There have been many times when paths have come into the light, only for the lesson to be in vain. I do not want to be a selfish prick who stays true only to himself, that is how loyalty to family and friends is lost. Your words of wisdom have opened a door, Emmm, and as many lessons have been forgotten, I'll choose the wise path and wait in this vestibule until the lesson is whole to me.

[Reefer Rogue]

Brilliant thread, go back to bold letters.

[Ganj]

Brilliant thread, go back to bold letters.

I found a text I'm satisfied with. And when you say "brilliant," what in specific is so glowing about this thread?

[Reefer Rogue]

The expression

[Ganj]

Thanks again, Emmm. Not only did you challenge me to see things your way, but you taught me a very valuable lesson, and that is to challenge your beliefs. I think everyone could learn from this thread.