Advice about my roomate

[Diary of a Madman]

I have a serious problem with my roomate. What do you guys think I should do. Keep in mind, he was once a decent friend, so I dont want to murder him if I dont have to.

Everything he touches is covered in sticky slime. He is just fucking gross. His food rots in the pantry and fridge and he never throws it away. This week I found where he left a bottle of worchestershire (sp) sauce in my pantry with the lid loose that slowly dumped some stank shit over the course of god knows how long on our food.(I live with him and my girlfriend). He has like 3 inch long dirty finger nails and digs through our ice thing in the freezer!!! His room is just covered in food bags and wrappers. His desk in his room is just a dirty, sticky mess covered in ash and stems and food shit. I wouldnt go into his bedroom, if it wasnt for the fact that since he has lived here the past 2 years, he wont throw trash away and I basicly have to wipe his ass for him. One time I went into his room to open the window this fall, to let air circulate, and their were like a hundred dead fruit flies on the window sill. He orders used panties online and drives 30 minutes from work home for lunch everyday to jack off on his computer (dont ask how I know). I work at home and this is not cool. The dogs start barking and shit when he does, and I have to be on the phone sometimes........almost done. I could go on forever about what a piece of shit he is now.

After the fly thing I basicly said "what the fuck, that is fucking nasty". But he did what he always does. "oh, ok, whoops" and then not give a shit. Maybe I should mention the fact that this is a condo that I own. No one else.

So today I go in there to inspect for rats and roaches, and there is a condom, with a french tickler on it, sitting on his desk. He doesnt get laid. You dont use a French tickler to masturbate.......do you? I had to buy a lock on my BR door today b/c my girlfriend is basicly afraid of him panty theiving. So I throw all of his food trash today and push the fucking condom in the middle of his now empty desk (not with my hand) so he might be fucking shamed to know that one of us saw that shit. When he comes home for lunch and leaves, we look in his room, and he just got pissed and threw the condom BEHIND HIS MONITOR.

I am divorced and can barely afford to live here without a roomate. He gives me $550 a month. Otherwise, it would be very easy. I dont know anyone that would move in.

He keeps playing these games with us and I am about to blow the fuck up in his face...........sorry for long ass story

Is there something magical I can do to embarass him or talk sense into him or beat the shit out of him?

[NewbiePacker]

Long ass winded post. Kick him the fiuck out peroid.......

[zalami128]

Punch his ass.

[timothylearyisdead]

since you can't kick himi out right away, i say blow up on him. just start freaking the fuck out. that might make him come to his senses. and definitely put an add out in the paper for a new roomate, because anybody else,even a complete stranger, is better than this guy. there's no doubt about it, this guy can't stay there. maybe if you freak out on him then he might clean up a little bit while you have to have him there. violence isn't the answer though because he might press charges.

[Captin]

:D hahaha, sorry some of that was pretty funny. Anyways, if talking to him about it doesn't work maybe you should "blow the fuck up in his face" He'll certainly know how you feel then.

[4gan2ja0]

threaten to kick him out, or kick him out

[halfassedjediknight]

since you own the condo, kick him out. put an ad in the paper for a roommate and get this guy out, he sounds like a freak.

[Diary of a Madman]

:D hahaha, sorry some of that was pretty funny. Anyways, if talking to him about it doesn't work maybe you should "blow the fuck up in his face" He'll certainly know how you feel then.

that shit IS kinda funny, just wish it were happening to someone else. Thats why I typed the long tirade, some of it is almost humorous.

[ericwt]

You have got to kill him man!

Just kidding.

Good luck.

[Nochowderforyou]

Maaaan that is sick. I couldn't handle that kind of shit.

By the sounds of it, you need him there due to getting by with rent. I suggest you find a friend you can live with as a new roomate, and when you do, give that sloppy guy 2 weeks notice to get the hell out.

Just find someone else as a roomate, even advertise in the paper, then when you do, give mr. stinky his notice, and out he goes.

If he's not on the lease and your name is, then you have that right to kick him out, with notice of course. I think it's 48 hours notice, but give him 2 weeks so he doesn't end up on the streets.

That's what I would do anyways. :) Just replace one with another, a better person because that is sick!

[Diary of a Madman]

See, it really IS some common sense shit, but you guys are giving me the advice I need. Its just nice to hear it from a 3rd party you know? I am not good at confrontations, and easily resort to yelling and violence, because my brain locks up during any verbal confrontation........me stupid.........I'm working on the looking like an idiot during any argument with a 5 year old kid thing.

[napolitana869]

One thing is for sure, and thats that things cant stay the way they are now. Yourr girlfriend is afraid for Gods sake. Neither of you should live that way. I would say try and be nice about it first (just so you can say you tried if this plan doesnt work). Sit him down and tell him that the way things are now just isnt the way things are going to be from now on. He needs to start pulling his weight. You aren't his mom and shouldnt have to pick up after him (not that anyone's mom should have to do that shit anyway). If he doesnt shape up than blow up at him and threaten to kick him out. If things dont change then than just kick him out. It's your house so that means your rules. Good luck man.

[Frivolous248]

Why is he like that? Thats fucking ridiculous that anyone would live like that.

Maybe you can find out why he doesn't like hygiene and try to change that.

I agree with the flip-the-fuck-out technique. You've let him get away with it so far, so why would he want to change?

[Skrappie]

Dude is depressed.

Tell him you want to help him turn around his life, or you want him to get out. If you live in a condo and its in a simi decent area, it wont be long before you could get a new roomate.

Either or both, but you need to reach out to your friend and give him a loving kick in the ass. He's going no where fast.

[halo]

Give him a no nonsense talk that if he doesnt clean up his act his ass is out the door. Offer to help him clean his room and get his shit together. Maybe when he sees how good it looks when its clean he'll keep it that way. Or if that doesnt work make his room so messy that he will have to clean it.

[muncheemama]

he buys used panties...? what? of course hes stealing your girls panties....

anyway, you should get a maid to come clean his room and do his laundry once a week and up his rent to cover the cost....

you also should ask if he ever intends on getting laid and suggest taking some pride in himself by means of a shower and tidying up his surroundings. I agree that he is probably depressed, doesn't sound like he's having a great time....or by him a whore that will also clean up after him...up the rent to cover the cost...hehehe...that sucks.

[Frivolous248]

Dude is depressed.

Thats what I was thinking...but the used panty thing makes me kinda think he just might be a sick fuck who enjoys being dirty.

[bucknuts1870]

As soon as he walks in the door just punch him the face as hard as you can out of nowhere, and then the fight will be on. All good friends need to brawl it out from time to time, maybe he'll see your side of things afterwards as long as you get your point across.;)

[dutch.lover]

i think you should have the calm talk first, if you haven't already, just so you will feel better when you resort to flippin-the-fuck-out!! lol

[BizzleLuvin]

start putting out adds for Room for Rent. then threaten him with 'if you dont permanently clean up, you're outta here". that way you'll have a back up plan. he'll notice....

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

start putting out adds for Room for Rent. then threaten him with 'if you dont permanently clean up, you're outta here". that way you'll have a back up plan. he'll notice....

Yea I was going to mention Craig's List too, the paper, anything...
get that thing outta your condo man :wtf:

[Diary of a Madman]

You guys are fucking hilarious.

Thats a good point about the depressed thing. I will keep it in mind, when I crush his fucking skull. Just kidding. Good point though,

As for the panty thing, no shit.....thats why I have to A) never leave witth him here ( I have dogs that stay in our bedroom for added security). And I have to do shit like, B) since me and my girlfriend have seperate hampers, look at the way the piece of underwear is on top, you know, and memorize how it is sitting. So when I come back I can see if it was moved or not. Normal stuff.

Oh, and I upped his rent $50 twice........was $450.

I wont be able to give him the chat till the weekend is over unfortunately.

[KL4D4]

Right on a piece of paper you need to clean ur room up. DOn't be a pussy.

[Skink]

I was gonna say what Biz said... take out an ad for a roomate... I am looking for a roommate and i know it is not easy... we got a county program here I just singned up for,,, they are gov funded and they review and find people to house share... look in the phonebook or online to see maybe you got a program... he's gotta go cause you aint changing him!!!

[Splifted]

Dude, i fuckin feel you 100% on this shit, only I had 3 roommates like this in a small 4 bedroom apartment. Two of them lived in the same city and they both didn't have class on friday so thursday when they'd get out they'd leave for their home town, and the other guy would leave on friday, leaving me to deal with the fucking disgusting house all weekend. When they finally came home last week, i got all in everyone's ass about the state of the house and started passing out trashbags and threatened to kill each and every one of them if they left before this shit got picked up.

We threw away 5 35 gallon trash bags worth of trash just off the living room floor/ couch table alone. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But yeah, i was about ready to break my lease and get my own place, my mom talked me out of just blowing 1200 bucks and got me to transfer to a 2 bedroom apt with 1 roommate who is quiet and clean for the remainder of my lease. This room is huge, this house is clean, I have a southern facing balcony (for all my pepper plants n shit). Its awesome.

I hate people, i hate living with people even more than that. I think i'm destined to be a hermit when I get old, yelling at kids to get the fuck off my lawn.

[affasd]

this dude sounds fucking disgusting, I would probly kick him in the nuts and then light his room on fire when hes sleeping, or just tell him to clean his shit up or get the fuck out

[ThE pRoBlEm]

get rid of him asap, get someone else in there

[dkeltz]

put on a body suit so you dont have to touch his nasty ass and then knock him the fuck out and throw him out the window

[Metaphor]

have a talk with this dude about everything, then give him a date around a week or two later and tell him if his shit isnt clean by then, he's gunna have to find a new place to mooch around

[Diary of a Madman]

I feel you Splifted.

Ok, since he's gone this weekend, here are some pictures of THE ROOM.

Notice the secret prize behind the monitor with blue tip....

[RyanTheCaveman]

I feel you Splifted.

Ok, since he's gone this weekend, here are some pictures of THE ROOM.

Notice the secret prize behind the monitor with blue tip....

....wtf...

[Diary of a Madman]

sorry to double post, but forgot to mention....this is after I threw a bunch of trash out. Look where his head greases up the wall by his pillow......

[RyanTheCaveman]

Yeh wtf....man my rooms is....pretty fucking dirty...but i try to clean it before it gets..."too" messy.



but anyways...french tickler...and doesn't get laid....is he gay?




well anyways...good luck to you man

[Amun]

set him on fire while hes sleeping?

that might get rid of the stench.



i wish i lived somewhere other than home, id make a badass room mate. youd never even fuckin see me or knew i lived there. lol. except when im gettin high ;D

[Reefer Rogue]

Get him laid.

[napolitana869]

man thats nasty. one of my friends was having trouble with his room mate being mess and what helped was some of my friends friends came over and were saying how dirty it was and the messy guy overheard them trashing him and when my friend came home the place was spotless. It wasnt as bad as your roommate though

[thcbongman]

Next time he leaves some rotten food, or trash around, throw it on his bed.

If he gets pissed, say why not, you treat this place like a trash can anyway.

I'm sure he'll get the message real quick.

[affasd]

dude that is so sick, and the keyboard is covered in a nice layer of shit

[S.P.Q.R.]

If I was in your position I'd be putting up fliers to rent out the room. Make sure you get his ass out of there asap, think of your girl man. If she's afraid of him, and you don't trust him around her, don't let him stay any longer than need be..

[Skink]

Is that hom in your avatar,,,did you hang him???

[potsmokingnome]

that is down right nasty...find a new roomate fast and then kick his ass out, but wow the mess he'll leave behind, if he ain't cleanin it up now, just wait till he finds out he's gettin kicked out! sorry but...LOL

[potsmokingnome]

Next time he leaves some rotten food, or trash around, throw it on his bed.

If he gets pissed, say why not, you treat this place like a trash can anyway.

I'm sure he'll get the message real quick.

Great suggestion!

[rebgirl420]

ewww thats so icky! If I were you id tell him hes a lazy ass and needs to clean up after himself. If he doesnt listen do what everyone is saying, put his trash in his bed.

[smoke it]

....wtf...

agreed. kick his nasty ass out.

[FLORIDA MON]

Living like that is a health/safety hazard for you and your girl. He attracts bugs and could bring pestilence to your abode.

I would have a serious assed talk with that guy, remind him who is the owner here and that his nasty habits are going to change.

If it doesn't work, stay home from work one day, toss all his shit out onto the front lawn and change the locks.
If he gives you any shit then beat him with a stick (just kidding...don't beat him with a stick).

It sounds like you would have to have him out of there to get a new roomie anyways.

There is no reason that you should have to be putting up with such filth.

I would say to get him a girlfriend. But, who would have him?

[affasd]

maybe if you showed him this thread he would clean up lol

[columkee]

IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE GROSS MUTHER..........ALMOST MAKES ONE WANT TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT UNFORTUNATELY!
SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS A ONEWAY TRIP TO THE DEEP REMOTE PART OF THE AREA WHERE YOU LIVE, AND THERE'S NOTHING A BAG OF QUICK LIME WON'T CURE....................GOOD LUCK
P.S. FRIENDS MAKE THE WORST ROOM MATES
:jointsmile:

[Diary of a Madman]

OK. So, he is always in and out dodging me, and I caught him yesterday.

I said, "dude, you realize the bug man comes and goes in all of our rooms right? and I said you know having a condom in your room is fucking disgusting right?". He goes, "well, it wasnt a used condom" and I cut him off and said " well, I shouldnt even have to hear any of this shit from you, and I shouldnt have to go in your room to begin with. Whats next? are you gonna take a shit in the floor?"

I went on and on, then I went into the whole "are you depressed?" thing. He said kinda and I said that it makes me wonder how he can live like that etc.. How do you ever expect to get laid? blah blah, so in the end I tried to make it sound like I give a fuck about him or something. He said "I'll take care of it man, sorry". Its been clean for the past few days. How long will it last? I dont fucking know, but now I can afford to still live here, and my girlfriend is a little happier.

[dutch.lover]

OK. So, he is always in and out dodging me, and I caught him yesterday.

I said, "dude, you realize the bug man comes and goes in all of our rooms right? and I said you know having a condom in your room is fucking disgusting right?". He goes, "well, it wasnt a used condom" and I cut him off and said " well, I shouldnt even have to hear any of this shit from you, and I shouldnt have to go in your room to begin with. Whats next? are you gonna take a shit in the floor?"

I went on and on, then I went into the whole "are you depressed?" thing. He said kinda and I said that it makes me wonder how he can live like that etc.. How do you ever expect to get laid? blah blah, so in the end I tried to make it sound like I give a fuck about him or something. He said "I'll take care of it man, sorry". Its been clean for the past few days. How long will it last? I dont fucking know, but now I can afford to still live here, and my girlfriend is a little happier.

Well you gave it a shot, hopefully he keeps his act together. Im gonna go out on a limb and say maybe you can introduce him to some girls? Maybe he will find one to move in with...hint hint nudge nudge...lol

[206 DankySpanky]

smoke a bowl

kick him in the face:)

[rebgirl420]

smoke a bowl

kick him in the face:)

HAHAHAHHA

[FLORIDA MON]

smoke a bowl

kick him in the face:)


Ahaaaaaaaaa!

[Diary of a Madman]

smoke a bowl

kick him in the face:)

best reply........out of entire thread........simple and sweet.

Although I did like catch his room on fire while he's sleeping.

[Skink]

best reply........out of entire thread........simple and sweet.

Although I did like catch his room on fire while he's sleeping.

People can straighten their act if they want to... My ex acted like a domestic godess till I married her...