Quote Originally Posted by Billionfold
Use a roller. I have two different kinds. One makes them thinner, the other one makes them real fat.
There is a problem with rollers.

Years ago, my roommates and I had a roller. One of those cheapy plastic EZ-Wider rollers. And it worked pretty well.

My friends learned rudimentary manual joint-rolling skills. I did not. My friends made fun of me for being a stoner and not knowing how to roll a joint. I felt self-conscious.

We moved on with our lives, into our own places.

Now, a decade and a half later, my friends, too lazy to take the time to learn to roll well, have once again resorted back to the EZ-Wider plastic rollers, out of laziness and futility. Most of them can get a joint rolled but they'll waste 3 or more rolling papers and 20 minutes getting it done.

Since that day when they made fun of me, I have not used a roller, and now, I am the only one who can easily and reliably roll a joint by myself.

I make fun of them a lot:

Me: "Hey, let's smoke a joint!"

Them: "Bah one minute, let me go get my roller."

Me: "Tee hee. Loser."

Them: "BAH. THE ROLLER BROKE." (Cheapo EZ Wider rollers break easily and frequently)

Me: "Let me roll, then, loser."

Them: (Humiliated look)

I hardly think knowing how to roll a joint properly should affect one's self esteem. But imagine like, one day, it turns out that, say, Willie Nelson or Snoop Dogg or Tommy Chong turns out to actually be an alien ambassador from Antares 3, who has spent time living on earth trying to figure out the best way to confront the human species with the fact that we are not alone.

He happens to decide to do this at a concert you're at. You're up in the front row because your asshole Uncle Giaccomo works for Clear Channel and scored you prime tickets. You're not even particularly a fan of, say, Willie Nelson or Snoop Dogg or Tommy Chong, but you went anyway, because this chick you're into really wanted to.

Willie Nelson or Snoop Dogg or Tommy Chong says, "I have, here in this data crystal, the cures for all human diseases and agricultural secrets which will like cure famine and end war and shit, and all I require is that one of you comes forward and rolls the ceremonial joint to consummate the relationship between our two civilizations!"

And like, no one there knows how to properly roll a goddamn joint except *you*. The whole future of the human species could be IN YOUR HANDS.

Hey, it could happen.

Learn how to roll a joint. Because possibly, on Antares 3, rollers might be looked at as blasphemous objects. Some dork next to you might whip out a roller and start an intergalactic war which spans aeons and wipes out half the galaxy.

It is important to be cognizant of these possibilities.

Besides, MacGyver would know how to roll a joint himself, and you want to be like MacGyver...DON'T YOU? The A-Team isn't going to come barreling through the space time continuum with a roller built out of like, steel ripped from a 78 Cutlass and a dishwasher, even if that was desirable. Nosir. B.A. Baracus does not fly and he certainly does not surf the intergalactic wormhole network. Unless Murdock drugs him first, but that's not going to happen unless he knows in advance.

And as a stoner YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET TO PREPARE FOR THIS EVENTUALITY BECAUSE YOUR SHORT TERM MEMORY IS SHOT TO HELL.

It is worth considering.