extreme shyness

[angee pirate]

What would you do??

I have an eight year old girl who loves sports, she drives me nuts to play basketball, soccer what ever ball is handy. She is super outgoing when home, but out in public (in school to) her personality disappears. she talks so low you can't hear her, when she gets called on her face turns beat red in embarracement. We were playing soccer in a park this past saturday, a little 5 yr old stranger comes within 3 feet of her she runs to my side and hides game over wants to go home... Thats just a little back ground....

Last year she played on a team and the coach was a loud mouth, scared her into not wanting to play on a team. I'll keep it short

Would you force her to play on a team?? or leave her make her own decision? I've never seen an eight year old with so many worries.
I flip back and forth make her don't make her and so does the wifey

angee pirate Reviewed by angee pirate on 03-08-2007. extreme shyness What would you do?? I have an eight year old girl who loves sports, she drives me nuts to play basketball, soccer what ever ball is handy. She is super outgoing when home, but out in public (in school to) her personality disappears. she talks so low you can't hear her, when she gets called on her face turns beat red in embarracement. We were playing soccer in a park this past saturday, a little 5 yr old stranger comes within 3 feet of her she runs to my side and hides game over wants to Rating: 5

[birdgirl73]

We have some friends with a little girl with the same problem. I think it falls into the category of social anxiety disorder. Hers certainly did. Read these links and see if you don't agree. The first link is information from a pediatric psychiatrist named Dr. Jim Chandler, who's written a good bit on this topic:
http://www.klis.com/chandler/pamphle...obpamphlet.htm
Social Anxiety Disorder (This is just some good general info and further links.)

I personally feel that the worst thing in the world would be to force her to play on a team. That'd just make the anxiety worse and add to the pressure she already feels, most likely making her feel more anxious about social/sports situations and possibly adding new injury to the level of safety, comfort and trust she has with you, her parents.

Dr. Chandler talks about two approaches to dealing with the problem, behavioral and medicinal. I think people often go the medicinal route far too quickly with kids and jump right to the pill-based approach, which, if you ask me, ought to be the last resort rather than the first. The behavioral approach wouldn't be as easy or fast as a pill, but it would probably help her face those fears under safe, therapeutic circumstances and seems like it'd be worth seriously considering. Our friends ultimately went the medicinal route with their child after some initial behavioral work, and the combination of the two approaches helped their daughter but certainly hasn't eliminated her shyness or anxiety. It's more manageable now, however, and she's not paralyzed by her fear in the same way that she was. That's a rough thing for kids and it can be crippling for some of them. My heart goes out to you and your little one!

[dark0ne]

start by getting a friendly yard game together, and inviting her to play. if she is cofortable playing on a team of freinds she might be more inclined to go back to playing on a more regimented team.

I hated playing football at first cause the coach was harsh on me, BUT it was to get me motivated. it didn't work, cause i only played like 4 months of ball. I'm kind of a easygoing guy, so running and hurting others was not my style.

[babystarbud]

competetive sport may be throwing her in at the deep end

i always remember that i was very shy, but my dad helped me out of it in little ways like for example, when the ice-cream van came around, i would only get an icecream if i went and asked for it myself, even though i didnt want to, little things like that can break down the shyness,

just get her involved with other people as best you can, and work from there

[napolitana869]

you could try to use positive reinforcement. when ever she talks to a stranger or does something that she's normally scared of do something special. let her stay up half an hour late at night or get a piece of candy or something. That way she'll learn that things arent as scary as she things they are. I would do this in addition to going to a doctor though because it does sound like social anxiety disorder. I wouldnt force her to play on a team. Like someone else said, it could just make it worse

[rebgirl420]

Start small. Get family and friends together first and play like that and then just slowly add more and more unfimilar people (maybe the neighbors she doesnt talk too) and see how it goes. I wouldnt force her into anything extreme yet. If this continues and it becomes worse maybe you should take her to a therapist.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

I would tell her that she needs to do one social activity on a regular basis, but she can choose.

art class?
dance class?
soccer team?
having friends over to play?

whatever it is, make sure she commits to do it once a week, and if she shows hesitation, tell her she can do something else, it just has to be social, because it's good for her to learn to relate with her peers.

I was shy too but I spontaneously got over it in junior high, maybe she will too, just be patient and encourage her to interact with her peers whenever she feels comfortable with it.

[missybit]

i would suggest letting her take a martial arts class. it's not necessarily competitive (she won't feel that pressure), it's good physical activity, and it may help her feel more confident.

i would also speak to her teachers to find out if she is this shy at school, and then definitely speak to her doctor. shyness this extreme is not normal, and children should not be that anxious at 8. she may have social anxiety, or maybe she's hypersensitive. i'm glad she has parents that care and want the best for her