Having a hard time with my mom

[MagicalHerb]

Geez and I was trying to be 'constructive'... if you can't recognize constructive criticism when it jumps up and bites you in the nose, no wonder you and your mother can't see eye to eye!

nononono im sorry i wasnt talking to you! i really appreciate what you had to say. this is where message boards have their flaws..

damn yo
just shut up if you dont like what i have to say! why cant you just click on a different page of the internet! its not hard and its going to save me alot of bullshit i dont want to deal with so why not.

and for the record how are you one to tell what tone im talking in. in fact im not even talking. im typing and typing doesnt have a tone. and im NOT beign bitchy so how is it that everyone seems to be against me on this one? when i wrote it i didnt expect all these people to come and lecture me, i thought this was a chill place. you guys smoke up too? its hard to believe

that, was a response to this.

Just dont talk in a bitchy tone and no one will call you a cry baby. . .

and nothign else,
except maybe the select few other people that didnt offer me shit except trouble.

[dusto2k3]

learning, are you

[MagicalHerb]

yes, i am.
what do you percieve me as learning?

[stinkyattic]

learning, are you

lol!
That's the ticket!
If you are directing an argument against a specific post, you must use the quote function, or address that person individually!
This thread should be made a sticky... 'The Forum Learning Curve- Watch A NooB Learn To Get His Point Across Effectively'

[MagicalHerb]

very, very funny
=)
yeah i suppose i suck at talking online. thank you guys for the help though! it means alot to me cuz i plan on staying here a while,
i have to go now though. my back (and actually most of my body) is all in pain from sitting and stuff and i wanna go do something else.
peace!:hippy: :hippy:

[Skrappie]

I understand where you are coming from, now understand where she is coming from.

She does not want to take advice from you.
I think she made that pretty clear by ignoring what you say, is it right or wrong, who knows, i personally feel like a parent should be able to learn from a child, as the learning process is never over.
But when push comes to shove she is your mother, and as long as she is taking care of you and doing her motherly thing, she could be shooting smack into her eyeballs and you have no 'right' to say anything otherwise.

When you get older, and more independent, it will be easier for you to have the talks you desire with your mother. Just wait it out.


Stinky, although i see what you are saying, let the kids vent. espeically when they can not do it at home

[thcbongman]

sigh sigh sigh
thank you so much stinky and thc. i really just needed an outside perspective.
its going to be hard though, you guys dont know my mom. she can sit and scream in my face for 10 minutes over (literally) nothing, jsut stupid little issues that odnt deserve that level of emotion. and call me a little shit and worthless and then expect respect. do you really think she still deserves it there?
when she gets home, im going to try telling her

that. and then i just have to find a way to keep her from becoming shut off once i bring it up.

Oh I do know exactly what I'm talking about. My mom is the same way, infact my mom would probably devour your mom if they were in an verbal abusing match. Believe me, don't bother trying to bring it up with her. You'll both just waste away in emotional anger. Give yourself some peace.

You have to bring more positivity to the situation surrounding you. Do what your mom wants, even if you disagree with it. That's the only way you'll stay sane.

[birdgirl73]

MagicalHerb,
Try writing to her. If things tend to get heated and screaming matches tend to start when you discuss things--or attempt to--try putting your feelings down on paper or monitor instead. It's never ideal to try and discuss things when either party is hot and emotional because the issues really never get dealt with--only the emotion, which tends to escalate if it's already at high levels.

Anyone ever teach you or your mom about "I" language? It's a way of expressing your own feelings and thoughts that helps not put someone else on the defensive. "Mom, I feel angry when you . . ." . That gets you out of the "You are pissing me off, Mom" loop, believe it or not, and helps you take responsibility for the only part of the debate and the resulting responses you can control, which is your end of it. Here's a link. Arguing constructively is not easy to do, especially when you both need work on your communications skills, but it's worth practicing.
Using I Language - Marriage - Families.com

Good luck! If all else fails, take a break from her, come back later when you're both cooler, and, somewhere deep down, try to always remember that there's also good with the bad. StinkyAttic's exactly right that, even though y'all argue, it appears your mom has hung in there with you, which is more than a lot of kids can say. If y'all feel anything like my son and I do about one another, I suspect that deep down you love each other a great deal. The arguments wouldn't be so passionate if you didn't!

[stinkyattic]

Anyone ever teach you or your mom about "I" language? ..... "Mom, I feel angry when you . . ." ..... helps you take responsibility for the only part of the debate and the resulting responses you can control, which is your end of it. !

YES
This method works AMAZINGLY well in so many different situations... when you are out in the workforce, it's literally the ONLY way to bring up issues with your supervisor without putting them on the defensive, which is when they will not only block out what you are saying, but become angry that you are criticizing them.

[CYRAX]

Well if she is such a great mom, maybe you should have headed your thread with, "I'm worried about my mom" or "My mom needs to start putting her own needs first" instead of having the good stuff buried in the body of the post (which yes, I DID read in its entirety) under the heading that basically says she's a shithead.



At least I have a little family loyalty not to go smearing my mom on the internet... we had our differences, just like everyone else....sheesh...

You look like a brat, posting this stuff.

True that, if I got a problem with my mom lets get this done in person..

But I can see where he's comming from, considering the fact that my mom doesn't give a shit about what I think or say, but she still supports me which is all good, but I don't get all emo about it cuz I have friends and I don't have to worry about my mom's feelings all day..