I also get kind of a rush from it...I guess...I feel like I am so close to death (When I cut, I am usually suicidal) I think about God and how perfect the after life will be...but, I never cut all the way because my fear of what death may be....if I find out there isnt a God...Id be more lost then I am now...so I choose not to go all the way...but just the cut...reminds me Im alive...and brings me back to reality...