Your post reminds me why I don't/won't/can't do it, Ammie.
Sometimes people can't see beyond their own despair; it consumes them to a point of madness and confusion and hurt and pain...we ask ourselves those same questions that you asked your God...and we hear no answers, get no comfort, and the will drains a little more each day.
Sometimes, we ask ourselves why we continue to put ourselves through the same old routine every day - why we wake up feeling sad, and go to bed feeling no better.

It is easy for those outside of the depression to say "Pick yourself up, make your life better!"...it isn't always that easy, I'm afraid...and some succumb to their darkness.
I try my hardest to bury my darkness...try so hard to see the hope of my dreams...I count my blessings, and scorn myself for being so damned self-pityfull, when I see people in a far worse state than I....and yet, each person's darkness has it's own degree of pain that noone else can truly understand.

It is those that are left behind, that have to carry the guilt and pain.
Those that remain have to ask the questions; Why did it get so bad for them? Why was I so helpless to offer them comfort? Why did I let them down?

You didn't let them down, Ammie.
You did all that anyone could have done.
It's not your fault, you aren't to blame

Sometimes, things get a bit weird....and there's nothing that anyone can do

We're here if you need to scream...just holler, ok?
Res...