oh man, that kind of shit sucks sooo mucb but you just gotta ride through the storm and dont obsess about the fact that he died, i think this is what leads to depression in people, like when you get dumped by your gf for ex. all you can do is think about her and the memories you had with her, try to forget all of that stuff

and dont think too much about his death and i know it sucks that you couldn't see him and that is definately... idc what people say, but heartbreaking, take it one day at a time, i am sure he is looking down on you now saying thats my boy!