when theres no other direction

[bigstonedbearx]

do cheer up ammie you seem like a very nice person with a strong brain. now all you have to do is put it to use and make your surroundings fit your needs as best you can.
im not promising perfection life is always full of troubles and grief. and a bit of advice
ive been diagnosed clinically depressed since i way 6 and the only thing that makes it better are dank weed and my best friends and some good tunes but unfortunately we cant all just stay fucked up all the time so i have found the if you keep yourself doing something all the time you feel much better about everything. so if your not in school or are unemployed just go do something about it . i promise that you will feel better.
given that you are already not in school or working
im kind of fucked up right now so im having trouble getting my point across i hope you can make sense of all this and i hope you feel better

[The C]

Ammie!! I feel like that too. I only just realized that I have complete utter control over my life and can do whatever. I was living in a bubble and now that I am in college everything seems so much bigger. Not so big that I can't handle them but I have so many decisions to make in life and sometimes it's overwhelming.
I think we just have to fight through it and dig to find out who we really are. Even if it means not everybody likes you. I found that out. I always needed people to like me but now I see not everyone is going to.
I also wonder why am I here. What am I doing?? Then bursts of happiness and then back to what is going on. For now I decided just to live. (however that means?)

I think I still have to full realise what that means. I'm living for people alot right now, im just so damn insecure.
I'm also living in a way where i have to prove myself to myself, and i shouldnt be like that.
But i don't know for sure how to change, but i think i may be.
It's a cool thing, i think i've half come to terms with myself, i need a real good girl friend, but problem is i don't go to the bar cause most my freinds have been busy lately with 3rd year schooling and i don't have my car insured or a g2, I don't work and my last job was at a landscape company where i don't really get to meet poeple of the opposite sex, and I'm not in school, so i cant really meet to many girls.
Further more when i spend most my time stoned at a buddy's, or listening to tunes here at my place getting wrecked.
Add on that im pretty complicated and sometimes i think everything out too much before doing anything and end up doing nothing.

Now what? Where do i go from here, what should tommrow be like for me to be happy with myself, or what do i want, or what do i have to do to get where i want to be.

Why am i thinking this way?
Is this a result of clashing genetics, combined wiht situation and culture, am i an off shoot of these conflicts, ADHD maybe contribtes? How many other people feel this way.


The C

[never 2 much]

Great minds think alike!

I feel like that most of the time... you described me to the T. I actually havent felt like this in a long time but here lately its coming back..I hope its not my depression,My nerves get the best of me!?

Its nice to know that im not the only one though!

just keep your head up Ammie and keep on token, things will be better soon!

[RESiNATE]

Depression is a state of mind..and if you knew the state of my mind, you'd be depressed....'cos I am...

Yeah, life is.....init

I cling to my responsibilty to my children...it is/they are my life-line...I look forward to the weekends...it's when they are with me..they remind me that there is something worth sticking around for..I love them more than life

[RESiNATE]

They keep me strong

[Ammie]

They keep me strong

omg there so cute
that would keep me strong too

[ItokeALLday420]

no disrespect but the sounded like a zoloft commercial or something

[RESiNATE]

Thanks, Ammie...they're the only thing I did right in my life

[Imotep]

no, ive always got a direction and a will to live.
its not being able to accomplish it that drives me crazy.

[never 2 much]

Depression is a state of mind..and if you knew the state of my mind, you'd be depressed....'cos I am...

Yeah, life is.....init

I cling to my responsibilty to my children...it is/they are my life-line...I look forward to the weekends...it's when they are with me..they remind me that there is something worth sticking around for..I love them more than life

yea, i know what you mean...I know that im only 16 and all and you guys probably think im crazy but..i've always wanted a little sister..like my whole life and my mom cant have anymore children..my mom still has a christmas list i made when i was little, i had baby sister on it!(#1) but anyway(long story short), this friend of my family was going through some rough times and had no place to stay so we offered her to live with us, and she did for like a year or two. while she was with us, she discovered that she was pregnant,(she's not the mother type, shes had 5 kids and doesnt have any of them),she didnt want the baby so she was going to abort it, and wqe all said"Fuck no your not, we'll help you, we'll take her if we have to" so in the end we ended up adopting her, me and my family have been with her pretty much since she was conceived, so shes kindof like her own, i was 13 or 14 when she was born, 14. i went in the delivery room and OMG i swore i'd never have kids, but i was the first one to hold her, it was weird it was like the docter knew that the baby was going to be ours, they cleaned her up and handed her straight to me..ever since, I've been nothing but a mother to her(well a sister too) but i feel like she is my own, its so weird. I love that baby more than my life itself, I live for her! She means so much to me! I dont know what i'd do without her!
She has definately changed my mind about children, but i also know that i am going to wait until i know im ready and im with the right person...its not easy raing a child! but i couldnt be happier knowing that i was a big part in it!


sorry, i just thought i would share that!