"Bob had bitch tits"

"Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets her hearing aid goand has to watch game shows at full volume...
Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night."

SECURITY TFM
(to Jack)
Throwers don't worry about ticking.
Modern bombs don't tick.

JACK
Excuse me? "Throwers?"

SECURITY TFM
Baggage handlers. But when a
suitcase vibrates, the throwers have
to call the police.

JACK
My suitcase was vibrating?

SECURITY TFM
Nine time out of ten, it's an
electric razor. But, every once in
a while ...
(whispers)
...it's a dildo. It's airline policy
not to imply ownership in the event
of a dildo. We use the indefinite
aricle: "A dildo." Never "Your
dildo."


and my favorite ever:
Now a question of etiquette: As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?