Spicing up a 10 year marriage

[Frivolous248]

take a walk and make fun of weird people

...ROFL

[potsmokingnome]

I dunno what to sugest really but I'll give it a try. I'm not one to give advice on this cause I am just splitting up with my wife, and one of our problems was lack of sex period! sometimes it was once a month for christ sakes!

What would have got me going theough is if she would've just sprung it on me one night out of the blue (there is nothin sexy about "so are we going to have sex tonight? <--what the fuck is that??)..I dunno one night goto bed slightly earlier then him goto the bed room lay out a whole bunch of rose pedals on the bed, then cover yourself with them, and then out on the bed side table lay out a few options for him: whip cream, handcuffs, lube, and let him choose what to use I dunno just a shot in the dark...oh and light some candles, and maybe inscence...might work I dunno.

[slipknotpsycho]

I love my husband with all my heart, but even when we met, it wasn't really chemistry that attracted me- it was all about who he was. Now, after 10 years together, never rollicking to start with, our sex life has dwindled to once every two weeks or so. We are definately in a slump! There are other contributing factors - menopause, Prozac (which is why I stopped taking it!) long hours working, etc. Besides that, neither of us makes a move, for me it's because I don't much feel the desire, and for him, since he complains about the lack of sex, I don't think it is lack of desire, but he just isn't a physically demonstrative sort. He has to be pretty drunk to make a pass! I tend to be attracted to bad boys, the kind who push you up against a cabinet and kiss you madly, but those kind of guys never work out well in the long run. So when I met my husband, it was a breath of fresh air not to feel all crazy passionate. They say the things that attract you to a mate end up being the things that bug you after many years together, so maybe that's all it is. But I want our marriage to work, and so I need to find a way to fix this. It's not to the point where we need to see a marriage counselor, but I want to keep from getting there. Has anyone else had this to deal with?
BTW - I posted this in the parenting forum rather than sexuality, because I didn't want replies from a bunch of 16 year olds suggesting sex toys. It's just too annoying

ok now that's funny lol.. some 16 year old - stick a dildo in his ass!


yes right now our sex life isn't really all it could be... only, i know it's mainly my fault, and i don't know why... i know the longer i've went without weed, the less and less i've felt like doing anything... i'm becoming really distant and i dunno why >.<

i know i need anti-depressants, but i stopped going to my stupid psychiatrist (hell i ca'nt even get a fucking appointment anymore... it's through the gold card and anytime we call for an appointment, we either get a busy signal [after calling and recalling for over an hour sometimes] or they tell us we can't make an appointment til such and such date, and when we try to call back, one of two things happens from there... the busy signal thing, or they hang up on us after putting us on hold, only to get a busy signal again] anways i stopped going because they won't fucking listen to.. she's a stupid cunt, i tell her it don't work "well just keep going for awhile longer" (this is after 6 weeks of being on it) she isn't intrested in helping me, she's just intrested in prescribing me something so i can't say they refuse to help..

i dunno.. ever since i haven't been able to get weed, and haven't had medicine (one or the ohter and i'm ok) i haven't had a desire to really do anything... for awhile there, even lost the desire to live... not like thinking of suicide, but just doing things.. i'd stare at the computer screen all day, just sitting in my chair doing nothing at all... had games to play, didn't want to, had food to eat and i was even hungry, didn't want to, had shows on tv to watch, didn't want to.. i didn't wanna do anything..

that level has gone down now.. atleast i do something durring the day... but i still have no desire for closeness... and it pisses me off... cuz i know my wife doesn't understand, i don't even think she can... she's all the time thinking i'm mad at her or something.. and id on't know what to tell her, cuz i'm not mad, half the time i'm not even really depressed (more so then usual, i am always depressed, but i've kind alearned to just live with it now)

i just don't knwo what's wrong with me anymore... when i was on weed (Even if i wasn't doing it EVERYDAY) i was alot better... now i can't find it, i don't have the anti depressants i need (i was even ok with no anti-depressants as long as i had weed i was ok) everythings just kinda been a downward spiral...

meh i'm gonna quit rambling now.

[Demeter]

Usually the best way to spice things up is to get a bit on the freaky side. Oils, toys, maybe some hand cuffs...hehehe

Sounds like the ol' man was pretty conservative to start with though so good luck! My ex-sister in law sounded kind of like you. Had a higher drive but married a man that was just the opposite. Dude really didn't care one way or the other.........she LOVES her toys when he's off to work. Hint, hint

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

Well, frankly, taking care of myself all by myself has never been a problem; I don't need toys or bells or whistles, because I am GOOD
I have always had the knack, hehheh
But with me, his technique is just different than what I like, always has been,so that's why I'm not really in the mood with him, because it is just so-so...so I don't initiate -
but I love him so much, and I think he is bothered by my lack of interest. You see, if I really wanted to have sex with him, he wouldn't stand a chance. But it isn't working for me. The main problem is that I don't know how to get him to do things differently without hurting his feelings. I am not sure he can do things differently.

[Demeter]

If being tired and stressed out from work is a problem maybe the two of you could go somewhere and just spend the weekend or week to get to know each other again.

That's part of the problem- we've both been working non-stop. Also because we've gone through a lot together (infertility, miscarriage, years of adoption seeking, he got cancer, both our mom's died) and haven't taken off for more than a week in a very long time to recoup, we are out of energy

I'd love to go someplace warm- Jamaica would be amazing:rastasmoke:
Maybe we can find a deal that is not too expensive...hmmm you've got me thinking-thanks!

[Demeter]

ok now that's funny lol.. some 16 year old - stick a dildo in his ass!


yes right now our sex life isn't really all it could be... only, i know it's mainly my fault, and i don't know why... i know the longer i've went without weed, the less and less i've felt like doing anything... i'm becoming really distant and i dunno why >.<

i know i need anti-depressants, but i stopped going to my stupid psychiatrist (hell i ca'nt even get a fucking appointment anymore... it's through the gold card and anytime we call for an appointment, we either get a busy signal [after calling and recalling for over an hour sometimes] or they tell us we can't make an appointment til such and such date, and when we try to call back, one of two things happens from there... the busy signal thing, or they hang up on us after putting us on hold, only to get a busy signal again] anways i stopped going because they won't fucking listen to.. she's a stupid cunt, i tell her it don't work "well just keep going for awhile longer" (this is after 6 weeks of being on it) she isn't intrested in helping me, she's just intrested in prescribing me something so i can't say they refuse to help..

i dunno.. ever since i haven't been able to get weed, and haven't had medicine (one or the ohter and i'm ok) i haven't had a desire to really do anything... for awhile there, even lost the desire to live... not like thinking of suicide, but just doing things.. i'd stare at the computer screen all day, just sitting in my chair doing nothing at all... had games to play, didn't want to, had food to eat and i was even hungry, didn't want to, had shows on tv to watch, didn't want to.. i didn't wanna do anything..

that level has gone down now.. atleast i do something durring the day... but i still have no desire for closeness... and it pisses me off... cuz i know my wife doesn't understand, i don't even think she can... she's all the time thinking i'm mad at her or something.. and id on't know what to tell her, cuz i'm not mad, half the time i'm not even really depressed (more so then usual, i am always depressed, but i've kind alearned to just live with it now)

i just don't knwo what's wrong with me anymore... when i was on weed (Even if i wasn't doing it EVERYDAY) i was alot better... now i can't find it, i don't have the anti depressants i need (i was even ok with no anti-depressants as long as i had weed i was ok) everythings just kinda been a downward spiral...

meh i'm gonna quit rambling now.

Hi slip- damn I wish you had something to smoke- I share your disdain for the psychopharm squirrel cage- I was trapped in it for many years- the appointments, the aggravation, the trial and error method of prescribing! At one point I had been on the Prozac for years and it was fine and then it seemed to stop working. They tried adding Lithium, then Desiprimine, then Iprimene (not too sure of my spelling lol) and I got lower and lower and finally they figured out my thyroid was hypo- so I take meds for that. Now I don't take any more psych meds. It seems okay.
If I have weed, I don't have to deal with all that crap, and it is nice.
Are you someplace where you can't grow? That is what I am trying to do, have autonomy over my own peace of mind.
I wish you were driving by right now, I'd share :hippy:

[napolitana869]

sometimes the answers you're looking for are right there, you just have to step back and take some some off in order to see them. Spring break is coming up, maybe you could take your break then.

[slipknotpsycho]

i'm planning on starting to grow, but even then i'ts going to be a relatively small operation... even if i manage to grow it (i've tried a few other times very unsucessfully) to maturity, i wouldn't imagine i'd be getting too much, definately not enough to keep me sustained until the next batch is mature... even if i spaced it out far and wide...

i live in my grandparents home, now i do have her permission to grow (we had a disccusion about it one day, and then after much talk, she wanted proof who safe it actually was, how full of it the us govt. really is, and how medicinally helpful it can really be, so i ended up printing her over 100 pages worth the shit)

still got a problem with that tho >.< (sorry i'm not trying to like jack your thread or something, but you asked) and that is i'm smart as hell, but i read at about half the level i really should, not only do i read slow as hell, but i also have problems understanding it.. i hav eno mentor to show me how to grow (and that's the way i learn best, hands on) and somehow, i know if i go into the growing section and basicly ask someoen to break it down for me.. (i know there are numerous things to know if you get really into growing, but i'd just be needing the basics) they're just going to tell me to read up on it....

which, is basicly useless to me... there is no simple to read guide.. everything gets so complicated and i just can't comprehend it >.< i have tried to read up on it, probably about the average novels worth of reading, but it's just not clicking for me.. iw ish they'd put out "the idiot's guide to growing pot", if that book helped me to understand html, i'm sure it could help here too...

[Scarlet Sky]

consider me your guide slip. i'll help ya :thumbsup: and i have a cam, so i can give you play by play footage...

[slipknotpsycho]

k then when it comes time (when i get my money) i'll post a thread in the growing section with you rname on it...