Hi ye,

What's my story.....Well I was born into an abusive relationship. I was the sixth child of seven kids. My parents are still together happy bickering!!!!!! My father was also physically abusive and extremely controlling to us and my mam. I was a depressed and ANGRY teen I dispised men thought that all they wanted was to control you or use you but secretly underneath all that I was hoping a knight in shining armour would whisk me away.

Then at 17 I met John...He was the first male in the world that was extremely nice loving giving a bit jealous but nothing but love was between us...We married me at25 john was 29 and two years later I was pregnant with our first child a beautiful boy.....Here's where things started to change. I fell pregnant whilst breastfeeding. A huge shock as I returned to work off maternity leave pregnant...I hid it for 5 months. Think I was just trying to get my head around it.

John hit me for the first time whilst holding our 8 month old son I was 4 months pregnant. I was in absolute shock, I coulln't believe that he could do that to me. He knew full well all about my backround. He also knew that I had said in the past that I would find this intolerable behaviour......All I felt was stuck powerless.....It happened on and off over a 5 year period.

Why did I stay....I was ashamed, I felt trapped,I thought I was a failure as a mother a wife an employee.......

It all came crashing down when I drov my kids to my mam's and drove straight to the doctor as I could feel I was on the egde no longer able to tolerate what my life had become....I am still being treated for depression now, every day is a struggle sometimes. I am clawing back my self respect but I am still here still learning, still living, still loving...........I now know things like boundaries, expectations, self belief, so as much as I didn't enjoy it in any shape or form to be treated so viciousley I now have a deeper understanding ..................

Nibbs:rastasmoke: