sorry i havent been around lately. i truely appreciate all of you posting here. reading thru the comments made me feel good but the reason i came back to this thread was because i just had a serious mood swing. its saturday night, my only night off work that my friends go out and party... well...

we were chillin up in my room watchin The Departed when someone called knowing of a party... now this is what kills me (i used to have a good amount of self confidence, but now i have NONE what so ever, which cant be healthy. anytime anyone laughs at something that i dont get, i think they are laughing at me) so i told my friends i had a baby shower to go to tomorrow mornign and that i didnt wanna get hammered tonight.... well ya, so they just left and now i really feel like shit. honestly.

my brain is scattered so this post will probably be close to that

i used be a smart guy, still am i think, i just have a hard time getting my point across in words.. kinda like this post

on a different note, in high school i was very self centered too. at least, i think i was.. i was very easily influenced by others.. example:: if i thought some dude was a coool person to chill with, if he was labeled as a "loser" i wouldnt ask him to chill with us-- now i am the loser so it seems

idkk if i was oblivious but it seemed like i was a smooth talker back in the day too, i was good at lying and hiding my emotions

another thing, idk why.. but every girl that i was attracted to that i thought maybe i could hook up with, once i got the chance- i wouldnt make a move-- and not to toot my own horn but some of these girls that i passed up sex on were very good looking(and young). ive gotta be one of the more crazy ppl in this world

its hard for me to explain my situation, but i hope this helps with.... oh wait, its my problem, and idk why im telling all you guys this stuff

btw i never hit delete in this post