I'm perplexed.

You're turning to us for what? So that we can change you? Make you deep? Tell you what to think and feel?

If you've recognised that there's a problem you just have to choose how to fix it. You don't need somebody else's advice on what they'd do.

I shouldn't even be telling you all this... but...

It sounds like you're just a little lost (personally). thats cool, I'm confident you'll move through it in time. If you want to speed the process up, I'd suggest finding something you're sure is worthwhile, it might be school, it might be greenpeace, it might be global human rights, it might be just getting better at the guitar or something; find something dedicate yourself to it.

make something of yourself.