A tale of heartbreak, that keeps going.

[peaceandlove420]

I know this is lengthy, but I need help. I think I am somewhat known as a regular poster on this forum, but now you guys will know me. I am peaceandlove420 and this is my story and who I am.



To start things off a little backround, I am about 18, physically fit, italian, surf, and I live in the most beautiful place(sd). I am extremely outgoing, everyone at my school knows me (I am not saying everyone likes me I am just one of the people who's very social and says hi to everyone). I charged the field during a championship football game for our school and tackled the oppsoing mascot. I figure from this information you can get the idea of me.
I adore reggae and peaceful music and promote love and unity. I am the hippy of my school so to speak. Its very, VERY right wing where I attend.

getting girls has never been a problem for me. I don't say this to brag, its just how it is. No matter how beautiful the girl, I am not intimidated. I pursue and it always works out (not to say Ive never been denied).
What could be better right?

Wrong.

I met a girl who was different. She stirred up a feeling inside me that I thought long dead. We became the "boyfriend girlfriend thing" I gave her the world, , my heart, she was my queen.

I was youn, well younger, around 15, I admit things got a little intense for me. I broke things off so I wouldnt get hurt. That was my bullshit excuse.

The reall reason is I have commitment issues after my mom died when I was young (5) and my father indulged himself in his work to cope with the pain, I saw him a couple times a year. I grew up neglected, lost, and it fucked me up.

I got a stepmom a few ears later who made me life complete.

I had a family again.

Then she started to beat me and my life ruined once again.


Anyways I am not going to continue to rant about my life, back to the story


I broke her heart. And this hurt me even more. To the point where I made a promise that the next time I found a girl who made me feel this way I would give her everything, the perfect boyfriend, the whole nine. Anything she wants I wanted to give. anything.

So since then two girls have done this in about 3 years. I have had the other girls I talked about and "flings" parties yeah yeah.


The second one had a bf that would cheat on her and break her. But she couldnt leave him becuase she loved him so much. I was there for her always, we became so close. Closer than I have ever been with a girl.

I gave her everything, and some time after they called it quits for good I told her how I felt. She rejected me. I was awestruck, we were so close.

What happened was I turned into the "friend". you know what I am talking about.

So somewhat recently the third girl was everything I could ever want.

On top of all my personal issues, the two times in my life I actually wanted to to the right thing failed, this time I wasn't gonna fuck it up.

or so I thought.

She started pursing me. She was like the female me. She was everywhere at school, talking to everyone. But around me she would smack my ass as she walked by or call out my name evertime she saw me to say hi.

I fell for her. completely. It was perfect, we were super close, but I wasn't the "friend" you know? We always flirted around. WHenever she was hurting I was there of course.

Then the best thing happened, the kept saying she wanted me to call her to talk. Good sign right.

Stuff kept happening couldn't call. trust me it was a good reason and I explained to her.

So at school "peaceandlove we need to talk"

I thought this is it. Its all falling together. The feeling of being at that stage with a beautiful girl is indesribable.


We finally get together to talk. She says "peacelove, I really want to fuck mark" "he's so hot" "o my god you have to help me"

and then goes on to talk to me about ways she can get with him.



Mark is my best friend.


I was broken. It was too much this time. I started avoiding her, we went from some of the closest poeple at the school to awkward. I wouldnt' dodge her or anything, but whenever she saw me or what not I would be normal. I would treat her like a fellow friend, and she noticed and was getting confused as to why I wasn't my fun loving caring self.

She even got to the point she pushed me and I fell through door into the girls bathroom.


I think I am cursed. Maybe I deserve all this pain for what I caused with the first girl, I tell myself that in order to suffice a reason why that out of all the girls, and there have been plenty of bomshells out here, the ONE I wanted not to just fuck but to love and be there for went so wrong. and same with the girl before.

It was laughable how cliche it was. and how the girl before it was with the friend thing. The irony is indescribable.

Anyways I know I must be doing something wrong. But, as of right now I don't think I can do this again. I am too hurt this time, too jaded, too calliced to pull this bullshit again.

I see couples getting together all the time and it pains me how easily things fell together for everyone else.

I just thing the worst part about it is, if a 4th girl ever enters my life that I fall for, I won't be able to give her everything and make her "my queen".

My heart has/and is being hardened.

I accept this curse.

peaceandlove420 Reviewed by peaceandlove420 on 02-19-2007. A tale of heartbreak, that keeps going. I know this is lengthy, but I need help. I think I am somewhat known as a regular poster on this forum, but now you guys will know me. I am peaceandlove420 and this is my story and who I am. To start things off a little backround, I am about 18, physically fit, italian, surf, and I live in the most beautiful place(sd). I am extremely outgoing, everyone at my school knows me (I am not saying everyone likes me I am just one of the people who's very social and says hi to everyone). I Rating: 5

[MastaChronic]

dude, fuck love
get over the shit, honestly man
kill this feeling, kill the great manipulator called love
i did, fuck love
im better off without it. carnal desire is the way to go man.
love will only get you into trouble, maybe not now, maybe not in 20 years....but it will happen.
you were blinded by your feelings, your emotions got the better of you and you momentarily stopped thinking. not good.

[peaceandlove420]

dude, fuck love
get over the shit, honestly man
kill this feeling, kill the great manipulator called love
i did, fuck love
im better off without it. carnal desire is the way to go man.
love will only get you into trouble, maybe not now, maybe not in 20 years....but it will happen.
you were blinded by your feelings, your emotions got the better of you and you momentarily stopped thinking. not good.

Very true, you got me man.

[Mrs. Greenjeans]

PAL420, if you want to be successful, you take advice from and associate with successful people, correct?

Try taking advice from people who DO have good relationships. Not bitter people. Misery loves company.

[thcbongman]

I have just one question......

Did you tell her how you feel? There's no need to get yourself to feel rejected when you didn't truly express yourself. There is only one way to find out.............

[peaceandlove420]

Dude I don't know if i can. I know its one of the things you gut up and do.

But, there have been so many contributing factors that have made this harder both personal and the girl problems mentioned above.

I left out that my dog died last month, my aunt is terminally ill, I had a friend commit suicide two months ago.


Theres more. But I don't feel its neccessary to list here. Just know from the stem of those theres far worse atrocities in my life.

The reason I said those, because I really don't know if I can tell her. after all this shit (the girl honestly was1/14 of whats going on) i threw up blood from stress for the first time in my life. My physical health started to go once I couldn't fight anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some depressed recluse now. I am still living.

I am just broken and too jaded when it comes to girls now.

peace and love~

thank you for your time. I really aprreciate you guys taking time to read my story (lenghthy) and too post your thoughts.

Much love~

[MastaChronic]

Try taking advice from people who DO have good relationships. Not bitter people. Misery loves company.

im speaking from multiple experiences....and from what ive seen of other "relationships"

[tek(bdm)]

wow that sux man...well iam from sd too. and there was this girl i met in 8th grade i asked her out without even knowing her and she said yea but then i never talked to her cuz she was so pretty...so we drift off. but then when we went to high school we hit it off again but as fucking "friends" now iam a senior and were like best friends and she has a boyfriend now but she flirts with me all the time. and the reason she dated this guy was cuz i was hitting it with another chick and she got jealous so she went out with this ugly dude. she's still fucking hot and i asked her out again, (like the 4th time) but she told me that she likes me as a friend at the moment...and that in the future she feels something might happen. so yah dude i feel kinda like u...
i mean i can get with alot of girls but i want her. now iama senior and about to go to sdsu or ucsd maybe ill have her by then lol.

[thcbongman]

Don't let sorrow affect the outcome of your life. You can't predict what happens tomorrow. The only thing you can control is how you respond to it. Live your life the way you wish too. Don't let what you can't control, control you.

Life is pain. Life is suffering. We all experience it in different ways. If she makes you happy, don't let her momentary lapse effect your judgement of her. Humans have multiple urges. Perhaps she's hiding her true feelings of you, she may feel the same way as you do. You'll never know unless you spill the beans.

Find the power to heal yourself from your suffering. Set yourself free.

[peaceandlove420]

God, I guess there is only one way to go about this now.

Were going to have a talk this week. This is going to be really hard.

I'll give you guys an update at the end of the week or whenever.