I used to have sex with guys, yanno, just so they'd love me.

I actually did that with -cough-alot-cough of guys, which is one reason I'm so damn experienced (not really a good thing)...basically, i was in the same exact boat as you're in.

I was fucking guys for the wrong reasons and felt guilty the whole time, like in a few days, they might not be around. I'm not gonna lie tho, that's how I got with my boyfriend now and we're actually really happy together and it's not all about sex.

and the pain?

I get it too, Ive noticed if I'm really into it, and wet and everything, it doesn't hurt as much or at all.

Feel better sweets <3