1. ALWAYS WEAR YOUR DRINKING SHOES at the bar... you know... the ones that are impossible to break your ankle in (flats) and the ones you don't mind people throwing up on or wading through spilled beer in (ewwww) and oh yeah, one more thing, they also have to be reasonably cute. Tall order. But we all have drinking shoes... am I wrong?

2. Wear only as much makeup as your friend is wearing... and then add one more thing so you look more put-together than she does. I'm a bitch. A superficial bitch. I know.

3. Don't speak to men with bad breath.

4. Offer women with bad breath a piece of peppermint gum.

5. And don't forget your drinking shoes!