Quote Originally Posted by 420marijuana420
tryna I would suggest that you try to forgive your uncle and cousin and fiance. I know it's easy to just say that to you from my keyboard, having never experienced a real tragedy in my life (although I'm only 16 and I assume that I have alot of living to do, even though i could stop breathing tomorrow). It's like you said though, by the time you want to get close to someone it might be too late. As far as the murder of you family, I don't see why, as an outsider looking in you have a reasonable reason to feel guilty, it wasn't your fault even though you might think it was. I hope everything works out and over time you'll be able to get over it.

that's all for tonight, see ya guys later.
Hey 420,

You know that thought really did go through my mind but as of yet they have made no effort to apologize to me. Yes I definitely would be the "better man" so to speak but they have to want to be forgiven as well, i feel, and that just aint gonna happen. As far as my fiancee, well thats another story. I hold no more bad feelings towards her about what she did, but, as far as trust and loyalty go, in my heart it just wouldnt be there. She betrayed me at the worst possible time in my life. She knew at that time that she was the only person in my life i could trust, but after that the trust was blown at least as far as on an emotional level. For the most part she just made it even easier for me to move further away from her emotionally.

16 huh? Sounds like you a got a pretty decent head on your shoulders for that age. Keep up whatever you have been doing to get yourself where you are and if theres any valuable info i can give you its stay in school, and more importantly, read. Everyday i see the younger generation and how thing have changed since the old school days. Me, im only 38 but am a much older person both mentally and intellectually than i need to be, but looking at it the majority of my friends are in their early and late 40's and 50's so a lot of that rubs off on me.

As far as me feeling guilty about what happened, my brother and i were two different people altogether as far as our lifestyles, he was the more peaceful person and eventually went on to become a reverend. Me, i was the black sheep of the family, the bad guy if you will. People in the neighborhood liked my brother, me on the other hand they feared. I keep thinking that if i had not have moved out on my own this wouldnt have happened because i would have been there to stop it. My brother had not had the street experiences that I had, he just wasnt a street smart person. He had never had a fight, never had guns stuck in his face, or any shit like that, that was my department. Basically he was just a hippie from the 60's and wanted peace, but me knowing how the streets were, i felt sort of responsible for his protection from that side of life.

Thanks for your words young brotha,