Anybody here been through a serious tragedy?

[trynagethigh]

Anybody here been through a horrific tragedy that has you fucked up mentally forever? Changed you? Altered your life and lifestyle? How you think? The person you used to be/are now? There has to be someone out there that can relate to me.

trynagethigh Reviewed by trynagethigh on 02-11-2007. Anybody here been through a serious tragedy? Anybody here been through a horrific tragedy that has you fucked up mentally forever? Changed you? Altered your life and lifestyle? How you think? The person you used to be/are now? There has to be someone out there that can relate to me. Rating: 5

[timothylearyisdead]

Oh yes quite a few times actually. I'd rather not get into it though.

[trynagethigh]

Next?

[Matt the Funk]

I got car-jacked at gun point by 6 men dressed in black with ski-masks on when I was like 3. I still remember it very detailed. Probally scared me emotionally and is partially why I am paranoid on/off the road. We were car-jacked behind my house next to where the Northhollywood metro station is. Just me and my mom in the car. My dad had actually noticed 6 men for the past month around the area sorta just looking at us when we came home. I believe the car was a ford thunderbird, brand new. It also fucked my mom up kinda. She is afraid to drive at night, and afraid to drive in small areas. She actually tries to drive as little as possible(while still being able to function somehwat normally).HAHA I thought this thread was involving traffic incidents! Well I have WAY more. Some include, multiple hallucinations throughout my life since I can remember. Feelings of extreme paranoia at all times. Multiple suicide attempts by age 5. My parents own suicide attempts. All the physical abuse inflicted on me and my mother. More on me, by both parents. Kinda the only times I saw my parents, they were fighting and took there anger out on me for w/e reason. Uhh pther random things could be having a crazy ass aunt who makes up bullshit stories and use to get me in trouble for no reason, and a weird (probally has pyscosis) cousin who would fuck with my head and tourment me all day everyday(same school, and I went to his house after school). I've tried killing people before too. I actually have no idea why no one has called the cops on me. I went into the hospital last year for a week or so, and that really allowed me to realize there was REALLY something wrong with me. Helped me find meds that made me feel normal. It kinda chnaged my outlook on life because it made me realize how diverse the universe is. Also I have been extensivley sudying philosophy and psychology and I am utterly confused now. I really have no idea what to think anymore thanks to studying those subjects. But all in all,I change so much so often because I haven't really reached a stable point in my life, and I still live with my parents. So I guess what I say doesn't really relate to what you are going through? Just say what's going on and I can give a specific example.

[Breukelen advocaat]

After telling a doctor (not a shrink) the circumstances behind a few of the terrible things that happened to me as a kid, he said that he was amazed that I didn't end up in jail, skid row or in a mental institution - and he didn't even hear the half of it, lol.

Don't give up, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know this from experience.

[PotHeed420]

my lifes had some pretty fucked up shit happen to me and i'm only 16

my good friend overdosed from methadon 2 years ago and my mom has cancer, some other personal shit about myself that nobody knows, litterally, that has a will keep my life changed forever

[suhl]

when i eat a burger from steak and shake it burns when i take a shit. the burgers are so good but the pain is so bad. to me that is a tragedy

[trynagethigh]

Man this is gonna be a long one but here it goes cause you have to understand my life from the beginning. I was raised by my moms and grandmom, dad passed at the age of 6. Didnt have a bad childhood but looking back on it the death of my father really changed me amongst other things. Family was pretty close, was just my mom, grandma, my brother and his wife, my uncle mainly. Anyway, about the age of 12 my uncle gave me a job working in his law office as he was a high profile criminal attorney back in the early 80's. If you have ever seen the movie Casino, the guys in the movie Nicky Santoro and his brother were actually Tony Spilltro and Michael Spillotro, these were his clients and were always at my house for dinner on Sundays. I had no idea who these guys were. I knew they carried guns but didnt really care i guess. While working at the office i was exposed to lots of murder scene photos and all kinds of shit i probably shouldnt have been seeing. Ive seen some very fucked up mob hit crime scene photos.

Later on in life 1991 my gransma dies, this is where the shit starts going downhill for me, I got hooked up with this girl who I eventually started selling coke with. I had 40 bucks to my name and i went into business. In a matter of two years I managed to have three people run my operation, made a huge Columbian connection, and basically take over an entire city area...no ripoffs whatsoever, I just had the best shit you could get.Late 1994 Im going out to the club to meet my Columbian guy and as I am walking down the block to the club a truck comes flying down the block and starts blastin my Columbian guys truck, killing him. 1995 rolls around and theres a drought for everybody but me. Sure enough my phone rings, the guy down the street wants a 1/4 kilo. No problem i tell him. I call my guy and he says hes on the way and my buddy walks down and gives me the money.Now mind the guy i am buying from I have dealt with for about 10 years. An hour later he shows up, I hand him the money, he gives me the bag and hes gone. So I go down the street to make the drop, go inside, and after opening the bag it turns out to be laundry detergent. Now this guy thinks I ripped him off and he wants his loot back, only one thing... I only got 1500 that was my end. Here is where the hostage situation begins. Me and my buddy are now in my buddys basement and this guy wont let me leave. To make a long story short, I call my cousin for the money and he senses something is wrong and calls a friend of his on SWAT. Anyway, SWAT comes and gets all of us and now were in the county. Fuckin judge set my damn bail at half a mil, calls me back in 1/2 hour later and then proceeds to tell me that after looking over my charges and the fact that they had been trying to find me for some time he couldnt let me walk the street for less than 750 grand. So I get bailed out, the charges are dropped due to toxicology negative.

1996 my mom dies.

Now Im living my life looking over my shoulder, dont know if this guys coming around or what. Needless to say i took my money and got out of the game. Well problem number 2. Over the years of selling I had acquired quite an arsenal of weapons. Guns, homemade rocket launchers, all kinds of shit. February 2002 i get a knock at the door, its the police looking for me cause some guns i had came up stolen and they traced it back to me. Needless to say they took all my shit and im off to jail again. Ended up getting a year probation and walking.

Here the last and final blow in life Im dealt…January 3, 2003 my entire family is found murdered execution style in their home, where I used to live. Included were my brother, my 18 year old niece, her boyfriend and their 2 year old son, my great nephew. When I show up at the scene im immediately taken into custody and to be interrogated for 3 days. Before you know it Im the prime suspect. They searched my house and found some old ammo i didnt even know i had and charged me with that and probation violation, just to keep me longer. So now im more fucked up than I have ever been and im interrogated by every law enforcement agency out. They were pulling out files from the DEA, the ATF ,FBI, you name it. My house where my girl and kids are was under 24 hour surveillence, theres news cameras and all kinds of shit, my kids were totally freaked out. It was pure chaos so I was told.Then to top all of it off while im in there i get a chance to call my good old uncle who is the attorney and him and my cousin have the nerve to ask me if i did it. I couldnt believe what i was hearing. My own family questioning me in this? It was at that moment I didnt know who to trust, more importantly i couldnt trust anyone. I was literally alone and that is a feeling i wish on nobody. To know that you have nobody on your side at a time like this was a double blow to me. At this point I just said fuck it and talking out loud and laughing sorta, I said “ok God I give up, just keep sending me shit I can take it” I felt like I was literally losing my mind. And just as I asked for, the shit kept coming…

Anyway im released on bond again after finally finding my buddy i was with practically the whole weekend and he verified where I was.. Now im home and i feel like a complete stranger in the world. I personally thought I had been killed or somehow transferred into hell. I didn’t know anybody anymore. My neighbors didn’t speak to me like they used to. Life as I knew it existed no more and had been destroyed and changed forever for me in a matter of seconds. My family is looking at me., im lookin over my shoulder, cause whoever did this is still on the loose with a machine gun they stole, which was why all of this happened to begin with, but ill get to that. My life was coming apart bit by bit to me. Two weeks go by, I didn’t sleep but maybe a half hour a day. Didn’t come out very much and when I did believe me I was armed to the teeth and was a walking paranoid timebomb. Any way about two weeks later the phone rings and its my brothers best friend who lived next door to my brother. He tells me that his brother was just murdered on his backporch right next door to my brothers house. Here we go all over again. Now im really freaking out. I cant sleep at all cause im thinkin whoever this is, is coming for me..and I don’t know who it is and they damn sure gotta know me. I guess this is where the reality sets in that at any given point I may and will have to take someones life if need be and that’s not a feeling that I am comfortable with what so ever. Im so fucked up at this point I got cameras everywhere and aint nobody goin nowhere in or out this door without me seein and hearing them. I was so fucked up I couldn’t even go to the funerals..I went to my family wake and that was almost too much for me to withstand.

Over the next couple of days 3 more people are killed and another shot but he lived. A week later the guy who did it is cornered in a nearby motel and blows his brains out. Turns out there was two of them and the one who killed himself turned out to be the 18 year old boy who lived next door to my brother. Another boy was arrested as well and is in jail waiting for trial to start. Thing that really bothers me is that my family did not deserve this, me maybe, I know I destroyed a lot of lives, but them..no way. I also feel guilty because I know that if I was there this would not have happened. I know me and it wouldn’t have..Oh and lets not forget the part where I went into the house and what I saw was just unbelievable. There was blood everywhere, on the walls, on the ceiling…It was so surreal.

6 months later Im more fucked up than ever, totally depressed, totally fucked up and find out my fiancée is cheating on me. We have been together for 13 years, I have nobody left but her and my kids and she goes and does this. What the fuck? Why now? To be perfectly honest it didn’t hurt me really I guess because I was already so hurt so badly, it just made me look at her differently and I will never ever have the respect I did for her.

So here I am, still fucked up, dealing with a whole lot of emotions and anger and shit you never know you had inside of you until something like this happens and then they are released. I never ever knew what it felt like to whole heartedly hate someone. I have been to shrinks and they cant understand this shit not to mention I don’t trust them either. They’re just handing out meds to keep you even more fucked up. I know that the way I view life and everything about it has changed. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD with severe anger issues and homicidal tendencies and am state certified crazy.

Oh there is more..i now am faced with the fact that there may be another person involved, who knows? This other guy that’s in jail may get off..then what do I do? If he is convicted this will definitely be a death penalty case and if found guilty will be executed. He is being charged with 4 counts of capital murder, home invasion, armed robbery and a few others. Who ever thought my life would have come to possibly going to witness an execution. This is some tv type shit from someone else life, this definitely cant be my life..what the fuck happened?

Anyway the whole thing started over an uzi submachine gun my brother had from when he was back in the service. The kid next door decided to rob my brother for the gun one night, and once inside everything went wrong and everyone was killed. Life is so fucked up for me right now, mentally fucked up, no money, lost all my property to foreclosure, in a fucked up no trust relationship. I must admit I miss what little bit of relationship I had but I know deep in my heart I cant trust her. She has lied to me and I must consider her as the rest of my so called family. My real reason staying with her is our kids. I have hit rock bottom. So that’s my deal…sorry this was so long and maybe it was a little venting, feels good to tell someone cause its not like I have many friends anymore. I have a couple of true friends that never left me but the rest just conveniently disappeared maybe because I have become a different person or maybe they are just scared or have thoughts like my family.

I know I have learned a lot of valuable lessons from all of this one being tell whoever you love you love them cause you may not be able to when you decide to. The people that take life for granted have never had it snatched away unnecessarily.

[Samwhore]

reading suhls post was a tragedy

[slipknotpsycho]

no i sure haven't, i'm 100% normal and i act just like you're average person...