Anybody here been through a serious tragedy?

[420marijuana420]

Man this is gonna be a long one but here it goes cause you have to understand my life from the beginning. I was raised by my moms and grandmom, dad passed at the age of 6. Didnt have a bad childhood but looking back on it the death of my father really changed me amongst other things. Family was pretty close, was just my mom, grandma, my brother and his wife, my uncle mainly. Anyway, about the age of 12 my uncle gave me a job working in his law office as he was a high profile criminal attorney back in the early 80's. If you have ever seen the movie Casino, the guys in the movie Nicky Santoro and his brother were actually Tony Spilltro and Michael Spillotro, these were his clients and were always at my house for dinner on Sundays. I had no idea who these guys were. I knew they carried guns but didnt really care i guess. While working at the office i was exposed to lots of murder scene photos and all kinds of shit i probably shouldnt have been seeing. Ive seen some very fucked up mob hit crime scene photos.

Later on in life 1991 my gransma dies, this is where the shit starts going downhill for me, I got hooked up with this girl who I eventually started selling coke with. I had 40 bucks to my name and i went into business. In a matter of two years I managed to have three people run my operation, made a huge Columbian connection, and basically take over an entire city area...no ripoffs whatsoever, I just had the best shit you could get.Late 1994 Im going out to the club to meet my Columbian guy and as I am walking down the block to the club a truck comes flying down the block and starts blastin my Columbian guys truck, killing him. 1995 rolls around and theres a drought for everybody but me. Sure enough my phone rings, the guy down the street wants a 1/4 kilo. No problem i tell him. I call my guy and he says hes on the way and my buddy walks down and gives me the money.Now mind the guy i am buying from I have dealt with for about 10 years. An hour later he shows up, I hand him the money, he gives me the bag and hes gone. So I go down the street to make the drop, go inside, and after opening the bag it turns out to be laundry detergent. Now this guy thinks I ripped him off and he wants his loot back, only one thing... I only got 1500 that was my end. Here is where the hostage situation begins. Me and my buddy are now in my buddys basement and this guy wont let me leave. To make a long story short, I call my cousin for the money and he senses something is wrong and calls a friend of his on SWAT. Anyway, SWAT comes and gets all of us and now were in the county. Fuckin judge set my damn bail at half a mil, calls me back in 1/2 hour later and then proceeds to tell me that after looking over my charges and the fact that they had been trying to find me for some time he couldnt let me walk the street for less than 750 grand. So I get bailed out, the charges are dropped due to toxicology negative.

1996 my mom dies.

Now Im living my life looking over my shoulder, dont know if this guys coming around or what. Needless to say i took my money and got out of the game. Well problem number 2. Over the years of selling I had acquired quite an arsenal of weapons. Guns, homemade rocket launchers, all kinds of shit. February 2002 i get a knock at the door, its the police looking for me cause some guns i had came up stolen and they traced it back to me. Needless to say they took all my shit and im off to jail again. Ended up getting a year probation and walking.

Here the last and final blow in life Im dealtâ?¦January 3, 2003 my entire family is found murdered execution style in their home, where I used to live. Included were my brother, my 18 year old niece, her boyfriend and their 2 year old son, my great nephew. When I show up at the scene im immediately taken into custody and to be interrogated for 3 days. Before you know it Im the prime suspect. They searched my house and found some old ammo i didnt even know i had and charged me with that and probation violation, just to keep me longer. So now im more fucked up than I have ever been and im interrogated by every law enforcement agency out. They were pulling out files from the DEA, the ATF ,FBI, you name it. My house where my girl and kids are was under 24 hour surveillence, theres news cameras and all kinds of shit, my kids were totally freaked out. It was pure chaos so I was told.Then to top all of it off while im in there i get a chance to call my good old uncle who is the attorney and him and my cousin have the nerve to ask me if i did it. I couldnt believe what i was hearing. My own family questioning me in this? It was at that moment I didnt know who to trust, more importantly i couldnt trust anyone. I was literally alone and that is a feeling i wish on nobody. To know that you have nobody on your side at a time like this was a double blow to me. At this point I just said fuck it and talking out loud and laughing sorta, I said â??ok God I give up, just keep sending me shit I can take itâ?� I felt like I was literally losing my mind. And just as I asked for, the shit kept comingâ?¦

Anyway im released on bond again after finally finding my buddy i was with practically the whole weekend and he verified where I was.. Now im home and i feel like a complete stranger in the world. I personally thought I had been killed or somehow transferred into hell. I didnâ??t know anybody anymore. My neighbors didnâ??t speak to me like they used to. Life as I knew it existed no more and had been destroyed and changed forever for me in a matter of seconds. My family is looking at me., im lookin over my shoulder, cause whoever did this is still on the loose with a machine gun they stole, which was why all of this happened to begin with, but ill get to that. My life was coming apart bit by bit to me. Two weeks go by, I didnâ??t sleep but maybe a half hour a day. Didnâ??t come out very much and when I did believe me I was armed to the teeth and was a walking paranoid timebomb. Any way about two weeks later the phone rings and its my brothers best friend who lived next door to my brother. He tells me that his brother was just murdered on his backporch right next door to my brothers house. Here we go all over again. Now im really freaking out. I cant sleep at all cause im thinkin whoever this is, is coming for me..and I donâ??t know who it is and they damn sure gotta know me. I guess this is where the reality sets in that at any given point I may and will have to take someones life if need be and thatâ??s not a feeling that I am comfortable with what so ever. Im so fucked up at this point I got cameras everywhere and aint nobody goin nowhere in or out this door without me seein and hearing them. I was so fucked up I couldnâ??t even go to the funerals..I went to my family wake and that was almost too much for me to withstand.

Over the next couple of days 3 more people are killed and another shot but he lived. A week later the guy who did it is cornered in a nearby motel and blows his brains out. Turns out there was two of them and the one who killed himself turned out to be the 18 year old boy who lived next door to my brother. Another boy was arrested as well and is in jail waiting for trial to start. Thing that really bothers me is that my family did not deserve this, me maybe, I know I destroyed a lot of lives, but them..no way. I also feel guilty because I know that if I was there this would not have happened. I know me and it wouldnâ??t have..Oh and lets not forget the part where I went into the house and what I saw was just unbelievable. There was blood everywhere, on the walls, on the ceilingâ?¦It was so surreal.

6 months later Im more fucked up than ever, totally depressed, totally fucked up and find out my fiancée is cheating on me. We have been together for 13 years, I have nobody left but her and my kids and she goes and does this. What the fuck? Why now? To be perfectly honest it didnâ??t hurt me really I guess because I was already so hurt so badly, it just made me look at her differently and I will never ever have the respect I did for her.

So here I am, still fucked up, dealing with a whole lot of emotions and anger and shit you never know you had inside of you until something like this happens and then they are released. I never ever knew what it felt like to whole heartedly hate someone. I have been to shrinks and they cant understand this shit not to mention I donâ??t trust them either. Theyâ??re just handing out meds to keep you even more fucked up. I know that the way I view life and everything about it has changed. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD with severe anger issues and homicidal tendencies and am state certified crazy.

Oh there is more..i now am faced with the fact that there may be another person involved, who knows? This other guy thatâ??s in jail may get off..then what do I do? If he is convicted this will definitely be a death penalty case and if found guilty will be executed. He is being charged with 4 counts of capital murder, home invasion, armed robbery and a few others. Who ever thought my life would have come to possibly going to witness an execution. This is some tv type shit from someone else life, this definitely cant be my life..what the fuck happened?

Anyway the whole thing started over an uzi submachine gun my brother had from when he was back in the service. The kid next door decided to rob my brother for the gun one night, and once inside everything went wrong and everyone was killed. Life is so fucked up for me right now, mentally fucked up, no money, lost all my property to foreclosure, in a fucked up no trust relationship. I must admit I miss what little bit of relationship I had but I know deep in my heart I cant trust her. She has lied to me and I must consider her as the rest of my so called family. My real reason staying with her is our kids. I have hit rock bottom. So thatâ??s my dealâ?¦sorry this was so long and maybe it was a little venting, feels good to tell someone cause its not like I have many friends anymore. I have a couple of true friends that never left me but the rest just conveniently disappeared maybe because I have become a different person or maybe they are just scared or have thoughts like my family.

I know I have learned a lot of valuable lessons from all of this one being tell whoever you love you love them cause you may not be able to when you decide to. The people that take life for granted have never had it snatched away unnecessarily.

OMG YOU KNEW NICKY SANTORO? Casino is definetly one of my favorite movies be far. I was just watching it yesterday on TV. I think that would be so cool. I was holding out to join on 4/20 (just so i could say I did) but this is my first post and I couldn't resist. What was he like? It may be more glamorous in the movie but I think that would have been awesome to eat dinner with Nicky Santoro. Sorry to hear about the other things in your life, but i flipped when I read that.

[trynagethigh]

420 they were just average people to me at the time as i was still young and a little naive to what they were actually into. I do remember my grandma getting hundreds of dollars worth of lottery tickets almost every week and i remember another guy used to always bring us fresh fruit and whatnot. They really liked my grandmas cooking and on the sundays they did come by, believe me we ate. Nicky Santoro was actually just the movie name that was given. The story itself is based off of the Spilotro brothers. I do remember that my uncle fought so badly to get them buried by the catholic church but they never did allow it.

Truth be told ive met a lot of the older wiseguys that were up and coming rising stars back then. Most are dead now or have skated through life and are now either retired or have even moved up on the chain..i dont know personally. Whats really strange is when i watch a&e sometimes i see the stories about these guys and lawyers i knew way back then.

[Skink]

Yeah,,,the balls are the pitz...

[geonagual]

I saw my dads balls once too. I wish they would of closed the door to their room when they slept. I wasnt right for years...LOL

[420marijuana420]

420 they were just average people to me at the time as i was still young and a little naive to what they were actually into. I do remember my grandma getting hundreds of dollars worth of lottery tickets almost every week and i remember another guy used to always bring us fresh fruit and whatnot. They really liked my grandmas cooking and on the sundays they did come by, believe me we ate. Nicky Santoro was actually just the movie name that was given. The story itself is based off of the Spilotro brothers. I do remember that my uncle fought so badly to get them buried by the catholic church but they never did allow it.

Truth be told ive met a lot of the older wiseguys that were up and coming rising stars back then. Most are dead now or have skated through life and are now either retired or have even moved up on the chain..i dont know personally. Whats really strange is when i watch a&e sometimes i see the stories about these guys and lawyers i knew way back then.

I didn't know that the real life Robert deniro and Joe Pesci were brothers I thought that they were friends because thats what I remember from the movie. Did your uncle ever comment on how much of that movie he thought was fact and how much was fiction. And what do you think they would say if they were alive to see Casino today?

[TresLeches]

Saw my mom blowing my dad. I was four, so I asked what she was doing. She said,"Daddy is sick and I am giving him medicine." Needless to say, this experience contributed to my pre-existing reluctance to take medicine.

[420marijuana420]

for everyone who is making jokes, you shouldn't be. I've seen my dads and grandpa's balls before too, and it's not gonna make your world come crashing down. I dont even know why I feel it's even necessary to say that because I know you're just trying to be funny anyways. There are alot of people who have serious problems and your just amking fun of them.

[420marijuana420]

for everyone who is making jokes, you shouldn't be. I've seen my dads and grandpa's balls before too, and it's not gonna make your world come crashing down. I dont even know why I feel it's even necessary to say that because I know you're just trying to be funny anyways. There are alot of people who have serious problems and your just amking fun of them.

to follow up on this, suhl, maybe you should try shoving the burger up your ass like on south park, it's not like anymore diarhea (sp) could possible spew from your mouth.

[trynagethigh]

420 we have never really got into the reality of what actually happened in those casinos but im sure the movie was pretty accurate. Another thing i noticed that the movie never really delved off into was the adult and pornography industry that was controlled by them on Wells Street in Chicago. I can vividly remember stumbling on plenty of the porno magazines in my uncles storage cabinets with the case files. Unfortunately due to the extenuating circumstances that happened in my life my uncle and i do not speak what so ever. I dont need people in my life that dont trust me but call me family.

[Skink]

for everyone who is making jokes, you shouldn't be. I've seen my dads and grandpa's balls before too, and it's not gonna make your world come crashing down. I dont even know why I feel it's even necessary to say that because I know you're just trying to be funny anyways. There are alot of people who have serious problems and your just amking fun of them.

I understand your feelings here and I respect them... I throw levity all over the place,,,it is just my nature...

I mean no disrespect to anyone in this thread...