cheeched.. I know this might sound like bullshit, but love isn't everything.. Married couples might love eachother, but still get divorced because it might be better for their kids or whatever.. If youve been getting into all this shit since you met him, and trying to commit suicide, and started hating yourself then you should leave him.. even if you love him or not.. some things are more important than love, even if it doesnt feel like it.. like some wise person said.. "you cant love another until you love yourself"