Yesterday my friend was talking about "What if the universe was created by Tim Burton? And that fake deer in that ladies yard was actually real and we weren't."

He went on talking about the threads of reality untill I was like "HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT HILL" and grabbed the snowboard out of his hand and ran.

"I think I pissed myself on your couch"
"Get the bongwater off the floor my moms coming"
"You CAN NOT weigh the weed using a ruler a pencil and a penny stop fucking around" (I totaly beleive you can)