Quote Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans
You know Slip, I'm new, so it may not be my place to say anything, but I witnessed your meltdown a couple weeks ago, and I have to tell you this: If I was your wife I'd be really really hurt that you didn't consider me family. If my fiance ever said something like that about me, I'd show him what being alone was really like.
The problem isn't that you don't have family...it's that you don't appreciate the family you have.
Let your brother grow up. Cut the apron strings. You're no good to him if you're always falling apart.
first i'd like to say, a new members opinion is just as valuable as a 3 year members..... just as long as that's known.....

next, i'd like to assess what you said. if you read what i said (if this sounds like i'm angry or something, dont' take it that way, cuz i'm really not... actually, since my brother called, i've been in a kinda numb state... cuz i know if i allow myself to feel ALL the emotion coming at me at the time being, i'm going to lose it, and in your own words, melt down again....

i said i have my own family, and then i have family... i'm not the best in my words... the things i say, and and the things i mean don't always match up, if that makes sense.... i'm sure my wife understands this by now....

i love the family i have, more than anything, i would literally die for each and everyone of them, without a second though (i mean, if the situation actually did come up, alot of people say it, but when i say it, i MEAN it... and not cuz i want to die either.. if you look back further, you'll see i'm scared as hell of burning to death or drowning, i'd do either, without second thought to spare my family if the situation arose)

i guess i coudl give you some of 'my terms'

my family - the family who cares, i.e. wife, son, grandparents brother(s)...

then there's 'family', the ones who have casted me out... other grandparents, dad, mother (basicly, if she knew me, she wouldn't accept me, and i know this for a fact, cuz i am nearly a mirror image of my dead brother, who she pushed out...) uncles, aunts, ect...

i've never quite had family who cared about me.... (even my family is a totally new thing to me, and i'm still learning what love means... anyone that's lived 10+ years with their true love, knows about the period i'm going through... it's when you really start questioning, what love is, and what it means.... ) they've always, just been out of reach, so to speak... they were there, and i saw the compassion and caring they were capable of, but they never gave it to me...

that's because (it's true too, you can ask any of them, and they will tell you, or say things, that will leave no doubt in your mind) my grandma raised me... pretty much the only family i know is the family directly related to my grandma, and all she really 'relates' to is her kids.. her kids see me, a single child (this part is important) that was pampered by her.... and they're all jealous of what i had growing up... they didn't have things the same as me...

now even if you take out the fact of the time period they grew up in (20-30 years ago, there weren't as many things for 'kids to entertain themselves with', you still lhave the fact, that she was younger, less stable, and didn't have nearly the same base, she had when i was growing up, to offer as many things to her kids... in the end, that brought about jealousy... which is why i've been casted out...

i've said all of this before, and alot of people here know my history (or have alteast read it, i don't expect anyone to actually remember it), but you're new, and you seem like a level headed individual, so i figured i'd take the time to explain it all to you... because if you plan on staying, you will see alot of me, and if not for the quality of the boards, it's just better off if we understand each other... (btw, i love to read life stories, and see what made other people, the people they are today... so if you ever wanna talk, or want someoen to read yours, i'll be glad to... i like to think of myself as an unliscensed psychologist/culinary artist... i've been in counseling since before i was 5, and been cooking on my own nearly as long, so i have a great understanding of both)

again, i love my family... just gotta learn the diffrence between 'my family' and 'family' i would give anything for my family... and in reality, the fact i have a wife and kid now who depend on me, is the only thing that's kept me around for the last 3 or so years... i'm a deeply disturbed individual (thank karma [i don't beleive in god btw] for the conuseling i have had, and how things have worked out... cuz i can't imagine i would be living life in many other situations, call it selfish if you want, but i never really had anything to stay for, no loved ones (aside from my grandma, when i say grandparents, i mainly mean my grandma, my grandpa treats me and my family like shit, but i know if i wasn't here tommorow he'd probably care) no friends, no reason...) who needs medication, but due to our screwed up situation, i'm not exactly getting the help i need... for the time being, i can handle things (mostly, i may start to lose it sometimes, but i guess i come here to have things put into perspective for me, i don't really know, i just know all of my friends are here.. that may sound pathetic.. but it's all i got... and i learned to make do with what you got

.... at the time being i'm doing very well... for atleast being handed some info that would normally send me off the wall, and make me have another meltdown... i'm determined to stay calm... and keep my wits.... becasue i know if i did fly off the hinge, tommorow i would more than likely be regretting it (and P4B the ban has very little to do with it, just incase you're sittin over there thinking that might be way i'm controlling myself... i'm more or less thinking for my family now, instead of myself.... it just took being banned [i guess? lol] to kinda put it all into perspective and realize it's not all about me).... so i'm staying calm... i will sleep on the matter... and then and only then (although i dobut it) if it needs to be freaked out on, then it will...

but as of now, i've decided no freaking out on anything until i've had sleep... sleep always seems to bring a certain clairty to me, that nothing else can..

sorry the post is so long.
slipknotpsycho Reviewed by slipknotpsycho on . and here we go.... (more brother issues) i'm trying very hard to not like freak out or anything.... but i just got a call from my brother... he's moving to tennese with a friend of his... he's offically quit school (papers or whatever is already signed, he's out for good) and he's moving quite a few states away from me... so now i have nothing left here, except my grandparents my son and wife.... i have no father, i have no mother, i have no family, i have no friends (here)... and since he's moving, i won't be getting weed anymore Rating: 5