Quote Originally Posted by TallulahGreen
He is a great guy who loves me a lot, but...theres a lot to it. Hes had a lot of past problems in his life that I think have made him turn to alcohol because he doesn't know or want to express things. )
This is exactly the case with both my ex and his brother. When a man can't stand up and take control of his life and stop using past problems as an excuse for present behaviour, he is still not a man, he's a child. I believe my ex may have been sexually abused at some point. He refused to get counseling either for his depression, his drinking, or his shall we say sexual dysfunction. Until he has dealt with that stuff, he is NOT ready for a relationship PERIOD. If your man is still really hurting over something in HIS past, he needs to get counseling or you, the girlfriend, get to be, guess what, his shrink.
Quote Originally Posted by TallulahGreen
Thats the thing, I would drink even if he weren't around..which makes me realize I can't just blame HIM for the problem...because I drink too. I was raised by alcoholics, just as he was....)
Well in that case you're supporting each others' drinking... if it's a problem in the relationship, you BOTH need to quit together. If you feel HE has a bad problem, and you aren't willing to quit and work with him to get the problem sorted out, you need to break up. Because it simply does not work for one partner to try and quit while watching the other still drink. TRUST ME I have been through this with 2 different men who BOTH had bad drinking problems and BOTH blamed them on their admittedly shitty childhoods... but once you're in your 20s, you're on your own and any choices you make are YOUR choices.
And for yourself, I don't mean to sound preachy, but you don't want to get into the habit of dating guys who are emotionally damaged/needy in some way because of course you will end up trying to ohelp/fix/change them and it's something that has to come from within; a girlfriend isn't a mother. This was something I noticed in both of the previous 2-year relationships I've been through- the guys really started to treat me like I was their mom as soon as that initial romantic period was over.
Oklay long assed post better stick it up