The best advice I gotten was from a bum in NYC. At the time I was with my girlfriend looking for a club in Manhattan.

He gave me a long spiel about exactly this kind of sexual contradiction. Sometimes they want to be held, and sometimes they just want to fuck like animals. While he was talking, I looked toward my girlfriend and she had this sly look on her face, which is why I realize this man knew what he was talking about.

In the end, he said you should just love, and you can have it both ways.