well man seems like ur depressed because u dont have any bud... ive been there at times.. I guess most of it was because I was bored as shit most of the time thinking about weed when it wasnt possible to find and smoke any weed and this can make u seem like a coke head for weed if you just sit there and wish you had some weed to pass the time and yet no weed to smoke. So i reccomend just doing soemthing to keep u occupied in ur sober times and try not to think of weed because ur just gonna end up sitting there wishing u were smoking a number when it was not possible. Some of the ways i handle this is by making websights or sumtin. Or hell do alot of reading on weed which actually helps me get thru borderm or it could increase ur mental want to smoke.... but what ever...