i'm also guessing alot of you don't understand depression...
I'm willing to bet more people understand it then you think, I don't know anything about you dude, and i was going to be a dick and tell you to get back to your wife and kids, but if you feel that you have a serious mental unstability thats not going to ease itself away, seek help.

also i read that you started taking an anti-d.
If you don't mind me handing you some experince, i'd like to say one thing; don't get too hung up about taking them man, they only mask problems.

A lot of time depression comes from mental illness, but it seems that yours comes from regret and unadressed problems. Just like your pain, problems don't go away, and things just don't happen.
fix things before you sprial too far down,
once you start cutting yourself it just gets easier and easier...