for anyone following my threads tonight

[slipknotpsycho]

i'm in a really unstable mood right now, i don't wanna go off on any of you, so i'm done for the night, i'm gonna go for the night, so you can stop checking my posts (or any post that you're expecting an answer from me for) just dont' want anyone to think i went and od'd or soemthing.....

slipknotpsycho Reviewed by slipknotpsycho on 01-18-2007. for anyone following my threads tonight i'm in a really unstable mood right now, i don't wanna go off on any of you, so i'm done for the night, i'm gonna go for the night, so you can stop checking my posts (or any post that you're expecting an answer from me for) just dont' want anyone to think i went and od'd or soemthing..... Rating: 5

[ToDrunkToFish]

Well good, I did see your post lookin for some pill. Just goto sleep man or somthin. Give it a rest. Im not sure what bothered or but it cant be that bad can it?

[slipknotpsycho]

Well good, I did see your post lookin for some pill. Just goto sleep man or somthin. Give it a rest. Im not sure what bothered or but it cant be that bad can it?

i don't want this to sound emo, but i'm a failure at life, i can list all the reasons why, but i'd rather not ya'know? just take my word for it... the only good things i've done in my life is love my child and want to be there for him, and marry my wife... everything else i've fucked up my life one time after another after another.. i mean serious fuck ups, not 'i got caught with weed in school'....

[partyguy420]

i know how you feel about being in an unstable mood... the past 3 days... ive been feeling really low... i got so fucking depressed, that i started drawing... and i drew in "bubble" "letters, life is like a party" then underneath it all... "meaning:the longer you stay around the more likely youll get fucked"

i dont know... but while i was drawing that... i had a while to think about whats wrong with my life(didnt really figure it out other then cops, court and school) and then today... i skiped school... and went to the public library and picked up a maginen called "the outdoors man" or something like that... and its basicaly all about making stuff for cabins, how to make survival kits to help you out if your to ever get lost in the woods... and how to make stuff to basicaly get by in life in the boonies...(something i dream of is someday owning a hand(my hands and maybe my kids hands and a few friends only*im not going to hire some one to build it*) built cabin in a big ass forest full of trees and animals off all sorts to be able to hunt when i want to and a nice sized stream(small river) full of fish... to be able to fish when i want... and for it to be out were i can do damn near anything i want... i just got lost in describing that but yea) basicaly, i just got lost in that magasine... and then i picked up a magazin about off roading and stuff like that... and was fealing really happy showing my friend(i would love to date her) all of the stuf that i want to some day put on my truck, that will be the only way to get to my cabin...

and then we got up to leave to go down to the gym to work out... and all of a suden, i just felt really fucking sad agin... and then we got closer to the gym... and i saw some one from the court, and also relised i forgot i had counceling today... and almost broke out in tears...

i guess me and you are just having PMS(if we were girls LOL) lets go eat a tub of ice cream and a few dozen snickers bars... ohh ohh and then some shamesticks(a stick of butter dipped in surgar, its from a movie or some show)

[partyguy420]

i don't want this to sound emo, but i'm a failure at life, i can list all the reasons why, but i'd rather not ya'know? just take my word for it... the only good things i've done in my life is love my child and want to be there for him, and marry my wife... everything else i've fucked up my life one time after another after another.. i mean serious fuck ups, not 'i got caught with weed in school'....

yea... basicaly thats what im feeling is im a fuck up in life... and that im disapointing everyone around me... i mean i live in a very small town... (its a logging town... and theres only one lumber mill... so it is fucking small...) but anyways, i missed all last week of school due to my fucked up sleeping patterens stay up for a few days, fall asleep for 24 hours... be up for a few more days, crash out for another 24 hours... well... i preaty much slept for the whole week...
the other day-

the girl in the main office when i walked in their said "william i was so glad when i saw you come back to this school, and to see you hanging out with all of those kids youve known all of your life... and you were doing so good... and when you first started going to school up here, you were at school everyday even befor i was here, but these past couple of weeks youve really missed quite a few days"

and then i went to my shop class, and the shop teacher(one of the best teachers in our school... of course, hes tought me more about math then my fucking math teachers) said, william, when i heard you were coming back to town, i told galbrith that i wanted you in as many classes as you could be put in, and i was so happy when i saw you at school everyday, and standing out side my class waiting for class to start, and just ready to work, and always got right on what was needed to be done, but lately, you havent been to my class in a few days, and you havent been doing 100% on your prodjects..."

and then i went to my math class, and he handed us a test, and i just sat there for about 15 to 20 minutes, and after that, i just started looking around the room, and he looks at me and i look at him(its weird, i can tell when people are looking at me) and he just says confused.... so i crumpled my test up tossed it in the trash... and sat down and started drawing, everyone else finished the test and he started explaing the next lesson, so i stop drawing, and after a few minutes i just got totaly lost, and picked my stuff up and said im going... talk to you later, hes just says"start reading over the book, you might have a chance to catch up befor we get to far ahead see ya latter" so i left feeling realy down, so i went smoked a ciggeret, injoyed a nice dip of chew... and finaly the next bell rang, so i went and got my shit for english...

in english class... i went and sat down in my desk... and i sit there for like 5 minutes after she dose attendence, and after that 5 minutes shes like ohh hi william, do you have an admit slip, then you need to go get one... so i went and got it and then got back to class, i sat down and looked at my desk and there was a paper there, and when i got back, she stood up and started explaing the lesson to the class... i was able to pay attention for a few minutes... but then she said something that i didnt under stand, and she told me to hold on when i went to ask her... about it... and she told me to hold on, she finaly ended the lesson, and asked me what i was going to ask her, and i said never mind, and threw my paper in the trash, and took my drawing back out, and countiued to work on it... then class finaly got out, i went and got some water, and walked towards my house for lunch and a ciggeret... i asked my mom for some monney to run to the store for food, and she told me she was broke...so i went to my room to find my stale chips, and started eating them...

and then it came to my mind all of the shit the teachers had all said to me this morning, and i was like great... another year that ive fucked up. and more people ive let down... and i just desided to sit down eat my chips and draw some more

yea... i guess a few people that will call me a emo or what ever... and a few people will say that im just looking for sympathy... but im not emo... and im not looking for sympathy... i guess i just want some one to tell... and i dont really trust most of my friends that good to tell them about my day... and that the boards are better the keeping it in...

[ericwt]

the only good things i've done in my life is love my child and want to be there for him, and marry my wife... .

Gee a child and a wife that loves you. You are so lucky! Do not fuck this up.

I do not care how bad everything seems, you have a lot of good things going on.

You can give my all the excuses you want to but you have 2 good reasons not to throw in the towel.

You child and your wife. Two things I do not have.

Shape up for them. You are a lot stronger than you think.

Yea I have fucked up more than you in life and I am a hell of a lot older than you.

Life is not for quitters. You can transcend any of these so called failures.

I am not trying to piss you off but get it together. Your wife and child need you.

[Skink]

Hey Slip,,, I missed this... keep the child in mind,,,you are blessed to have a caring wife and a healty child... You will get through this bro... you got such a big family here too,,, remember that...

Skink!!!

[slipknotpsycho]

well, after a nice long chat with my wife (which never happens) and 3 of the anti-depressants i'm feeling alot more collected and stable.... i know i have two good reasons, which is why i dropped the razor after only two slices on my uppper fore-arm, and told my wife to take it before i do something stupid and leave my son without a father...

i'm also guessing alot of you don't understand depression...

here you go: a poem i wrote awhile ago..

Suffering and somthering in this cloud
It's depression in the form of a shroud
It covers me up and I just can't take it
Not another trip I just won't be able to make it
I'll never survive another one of these
I don't care what everyone else sees
It's not so easy to just be free
And I'm not just make a scene
Theres nothing to be done to intervene
I don't intend to set of this chain of events
But to you none of this makes any sense
Because youve never experienced any of this
It's all fake is what you constantly insist
Try for once living my life as I do
Then you'll see why I am am dreaming,
Dreaming of the knife instead of you
Slashing my wirsts and never being missed

depression consumes you, it fucks with your thought process and you are unable to think logically... atleast for the most part... i don't want this, but i'm stuck with it i guess.. i try to make the best of my life and do what's right.. but you know, somtimes it becomes too much to handle... which leads to shit like 'tonight' i know lately i'm probably seeming like an attention seeking emo... but i'm honestly not trying to be, i consider you guys friends, and when i get 'down' i come here to get help/confidence/and logic. so i'm not seeking attention, i'm seeking people's help/guidance i'd consider friends...

[Skrappie]

i'm also guessing alot of you don't understand depression...

I'm willing to bet more people understand it then you think, I don't know anything about you dude, and i was going to be a dick and tell you to get back to your wife and kids, but if you feel that you have a serious mental unstability thats not going to ease itself away, seek help.

also i read that you started taking an anti-d.
If you don't mind me handing you some experince, i'd like to say one thing; don't get too hung up about taking them man, they only mask problems.

A lot of time depression comes from mental illness, but it seems that yours comes from regret and unadressed problems. Just like your pain, problems don't go away, and things just don't happen.
fix things before you sprial too far down,
once you start cutting yourself it just gets easier and easier...

[thcbongman]

Stay positive Slip.

I know this sounds cliche, but someone always has it worse than you.

Stop wallowing in your self-worth. There are people that care for you and love you. Don't hurt them. Turn to them.

You gotta shake it off and realize life is short, don't waste it.

Hope you feel better.