Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)

[nevaquit01]

I've recently stoped smoking because I have realized that I was using it to fill a hole in my life. I have no significant other and have rarely ever had that kind of relationship. I am 24 years old. I am not a virgin, but I've had very limited sexual experience. (I've had several one time hookups that were awkward and altogether not very enjoyable) I've only been in a real relationship once and it lasted all of a month. I have always been a little off the pace when it came to these kind of things but I'm about to graduate from college and enter the real world. I am not a bad looking guy. I don't have any weird ticks or stupid habits (other than biting my fingernails). I like being around people and am not overly stressed out about social situations. I just have absolutely no confidence with girls. I don't know where this comes from other than the fact that I have had horrible luck with women in the past. I also get extremely nervous when I do get to an intimate situation with a girl I like. I have had sex before, but it's always been weird and turned out to be a bad idea. I have been internalizing all of this for so long and I am desperately in need of outside opinion. How do I get myself out of this hole? How do I keep all my previous failures and bad experiences from fucking up things with any new prospects. Anyone else heard of anyone else like this? I feel uniquely fucked up.

nevaquit01 Reviewed by nevaquit01 on 01-16-2007. Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?) I've recently stoped smoking because I have realized that I was using it to fill a hole in my life. I have no significant other and have rarely ever had that kind of relationship. I am 24 years old. I am not a virgin, but I've had very limited sexual experience. (I've had several one time hookups that were awkward and altogether not very enjoyable) I've only been in a real relationship once and it lasted all of a month. I have always been a little off the pace when it came to these kind of Rating: 5

[blackbarbie]

you should work on your confidence before you try to get any girls. we can smell insecurity.

[hewhispers]

you're thinking about sex, when really you should start with smaller steps and work on friendships. i would also consider the eHarmony date site. it has a different approach then the others and i know many couples that support this site. i believe that the first 7 days are free.

What hole in your life were you trying to fill?
You might also consider counseling.

[2600HERTZ]

I as an early teen, forced myself into social situations with both genders, this exposed my strengths and weaknesses and so I became confident in both. I also joined a gym and have been a weightlifter for quite some time. Dressing nicely, and talking to yourself(strictly in your head) and saying positive thigns about yourself as wella s negative is a good thing. Focus on the positive but don't be scared of the negative(embrace the negative sides, and you will be at your best at all times.)

There are no bad experiences or mistakes. These are all opportunities to improve your art.

[thcbongman]

Laughter is a secret to a woman's heart.

You sound extremely depressed and down about yourself. Loosen up and go have fun. The more fun you are having, the more it'll attract others towards you.

Give it a try, and stop analyzing things so much. It kills your soul.

[napolitana869]

you're not alone in your problem. I think its a pretty common one.

[azure]

I as an early teen, forced myself into social situations with both genders, this exposed my strengths and weaknesses and so I became confident in both. I also joined a gym and have been a weightlifter for quite some time. Dressing nicely, and talking to yourself(strictly in your head) and saying positive thigns about yourself as wella s negative is a good thing. Focus on the positive but don't be scared of the negative(embrace the negative sides, and you will be at your best at all times.)

There are no bad experiences or mistakes. These are all opportunities to improve your art.

best post so far, building up and dressing nice can give you self confidence, whilst getting into as many social interactions as possible will as well, literally become super social and practice your small talk etc, im in your position but younger, this is what im doing. also reading some interesting books about increasing confidence these have good techniques in them that may also be found on the web, stop saying any negative things about yourself in your head as well, smile and keep your head up.

[azure]

bytheway nevaquit your avatar is brilliant please tell me that is photoshopped!

[nevaquit01]

Like I said I'm fine with social situation. Girls who are not avaliable I'm fine with. Guys never bother me. So I'm confident until it gets to where I'm talking to a girl I like. Nothing ever goes right at that point so no confidence is built. I really know if I could jsut be myself I'd be great with girls. I just always get to thinking too damn much.

My Avatar is photoshoped. I don't remember wher eI found it.

[lagstronaut]

trick yourself into thinking if you don't get this girl then you don't really care. there's plenty of girls out there right? why is this one so special? i'm not saying treat girls like dirt, but it certainly helps yourself to go into a situation not thinking subconsciously that it's important you don't fuck up. what if you do fuck up? you'll be down on yourself for a while after that. that's why you must eliminate any doubt, even if you don't think it's there, look HARDER