ok i gotta get this off my chest...

[Pipe Dreams]

Thats fucked up son, and Im sorry about your brother.

Just wondering, but your brother wasnt into crack also was he?

[TokinAsianGuy]

slipknotpsycho, i'm really sorry to hear about this. i want to tell you that you're dad's a coward, but you already know that.

men like him don't deserve respect until they've earned it, wether they're your father or grandfather.

my mum, sister and I left my father when i was 8 because of his addiction. i'm 20 now and he has yet to show his face. so i know what it's like to know theres some dude out there who claims to be a father when he's anything but. i feel so bad for you and your family, because not only is he a horrible father, but he seems like a horirble human being as well who had an involvement with the death of your brother.

i dunno how you feel about a man-hugs, but if you were a mate of mine who lived locally, i'd give you a hug.

[slipknotpsycho]

he sold it for awhile, cuz it was the only way he knew how to make money (he hated the fact that my dad smoked it, but he would sell it to him, but make him pay twice as much for it, in an attempt to deter him from it, or wear out his money quickly so he would have it half as much) my brother despised crack heads... i never understood his logic... i mean he hated this shit so much, that once someone handed him a pipe with a cap on it and told him it was weed (a known 13 year old crack head, atleast know it's known he's a crack head) my brother started hitting it, noticed it tasted extremely funny and took off the cap, saw it was crack, and decked the mother fucker as hard as he could... and my brother was powerful as hell.... he always told me he hates it, but yet he would supply it.. i tried telling him there are other ways to make money, but this was so quick and easy, he didn't care...

[slipknotpsycho]

i appreciate everyone's thoughts... i didn't post it for pitty or anything (incase someone tries to say i did later on) i posted it cuz i needed to get it off my chest and my wife is at work, and also, so she can read the story when she gets home (by the time she gets home i never really can remember anythign particular, i have horrible memory... so i needed to write it down while it was fresh)

so fitting to my mood right now...
"Creep"

Forward yesterday
Makes me wanna stay
What they said was real
Makes me wanna steal
Livin' under house
Guess I'm livin', I'm a mouse
All's I gots is time
Got no meaning, just a rhyme

Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal
Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause I like to steal
Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal, I like to steal

I'm half the man I used to me
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
Well, I'm half the man I used to be
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
Well, I'm half the man I used to me
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
Well, I'm half the man I used to be, half the man I used to be

Feelin' uninspired
Think I'll start a fire
Everybody run
Bobby's got a gun
Think you're kinda neat
Then she tells me I'm a creep
Friends don't mean a thing
Guess I'll leave it up to me

Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal
Take time with a wounded hand
Guess I like to steal
Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal, I like to steal

I'm half the man I used to me
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be, half the man I used to be

Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal
Take time with a wounded hand
Guess I like to steal
Take time with a wounded hand
'Cause it likes to heal, I like to steal

I'm half the man I used to me
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be
This I feel as the dawn
It fades to gray
I'm half the man I used to be, half the man I used to be,
Half the man I used to be

anyone know anymore songs with music extremely closely to that song... i need it to get my feelings out more.. i use music to get out feelings mostly.

[Skink]

His Mom Your Grandma sounds like a peach!!! be thankful you have her,,,your son,,,and your wife... basically count your blessing when your are down,,,that's the kind of stuff gets me through a lot of crap...

[kiwi]

OK i was raised by just a mother because my father was mentally too young to be a good father, and there was my older sister as well in all this. My mum was a solo mum with 2 lil girls and a divorce to deal with at the age of 19. Yes life was hard and even threw out the years my father lived the good life while my mum struggled to bring us girls up. My mum never went on any government support, she worked hard and made sure us girls had the best life she could. My father remarried a lady with two daughters of her own and it was only then my father wanted his own two girls in his life. To cut a long story short I am now 35 and I owe my success to my mother and I have told my father this to his face. I got married in 2001 and my father took it for granted that he was walking me down the aisle, but to his shock I told him that it was a right he did not have and it was my mum that had been there for me for all those years.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I have a good life and I don't need to have my father around to make my feel like a success. I have a wonderful son, a loving husband and a good life.... BTW my mum is now a self-made millionaire and I have been lucky enough to learn my life skills from her that has meant my hubby and I now live a very comfortable life.

[slipknotpsycho]

oh i know.. i love my grandma with all my heart... me and her are extremely close... and we always had the relationship where i could talk to her about ANYTHING and she would be understanding, and be honest.. wouldnt' nessicarily agree with it.. but wouldn't freak out on me, say the time we talked about me and weed... most parents would have freaked out on their child from the first line which was "i smoke weed, and i want to talk to you about it" she said her only problem with it (in the end) was that it was illegal.. and when i'd need some liqour (say i got hurt really bad, i.e. falling out of the attic) she'd get it.. not if i just wanted to get drunk, but she was always very understanding.. and judged the situation for what it is... and nothing else... she IS my mom.... my real mom is more of an aunt if anything... she's there if i need her... a ride somehwere where my grandparents can't drive, have no money for food or food in the house, ect ect... i go over there everyonce in awhile and stay for a day or so, maybe longer, when hurricane rita came and we had to evacuate, we didn't go with her, but when we came home (it was a terrible fucking experience, we went with my wife's sister and the whole time they were just tryign to split us up, and this was days and days of the shit) but we come home and see there's a giant fucking tree that fell and ripped out the power line from the house, and we had no money to fix it (thank god for fema, bet you'd never expect to hear that from someone) she let us come stay over there.. for a solid month or so we lived there.. things were bad but atleast we had a place to stay with electricity... after so long we finally got our fema check (about 900 for my mom for rent and about 1,000 to fix the house, which was more than enough) my mom is there if i need her, and i respect her for that... if things are that bad she's there... i don't hold her not being a major part of my life growing up against her, cuz she tries now.. she's not exactly the best person, but the fact is she tries...

i am thankful for what i have... but what i do have, doesn't and never will make up for what i don't... even if i had a million dollars, no problems in life, an entire family that loved me except my dad... nothing could outweigh the fact that i have no father, and never did... i know i'm not letting go, and that's my problem, but i can't... it's just not in me, beleive me i've tried... i thought i had let go, for over a year when i told him i wanted nothing to do with him, but low and behold, soon as i get on the phone with him, i start blubbering and feeling the pain all over... i just can't do it.

Stonesour - Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

[Solo: Corey]

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

[slipknotpsycho]

OK i was raised by just a mother because my father was mentally too young to be a good father, and there was my older sister as well in all this. My mum was a solo mum with 2 lil girls and a divorce to deal with at the age of 19. Yes life was hard and even threw out the years my father lived the good life while my mum struggled to bring us girls up. My mum never went on any government support, she worked hard and made sure us girls had the best life she could. My father remarried a lady with two daughters of her own and it was only then my father wanted his own two girls in his life. To cut a long story short I am now 35 and I owe my success to my mother and I have told my father this to his face. I got married in 2001 and my father took it for granted that he was walking me down the aisle, but to his shock I told him that it was a right he did not have and it was my mum that had been there for me for all those years.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I have a good life and I don't need to have my father around to make my feel like a success. I have a wonderful son, a loving husband and a good life.... BTW my mum is now a self-made millionaire and I have been lucky enough to learn my life skills from her that has meant my hubby and I now live a very comfortable life.

but see, you can obviously let go.. i can't... it's not a i won't matter, i've tried so hard... but i failed.. and believe it or not, i'm a failure at life.. probably the only reason i'm so determined to be a real father for my son, is what i experienced as a child... i have some real problems... and i dont' know how to express them, much less know who to go to..i know i can go to my wife... but any time i do talk to her, it just doesn't make it 'go away' so to speak... i still feel the exact same before and after talking...

saliva - always (doesn't exactly fit but helps me somehow)

I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"
It's telling me all these things
That you would probably hide
Am I, your one and only desire
Am I the reason you breathe
Or am I the reason you cry?

Always, always, always, always, always, always,
I just can't live without you...

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you.

(Done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you)

I feel, like you don't want me around
I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
It's all, been bottled up until now
As I walk out your door
All I can hear is the sound

Always, always, always, always, always, always,
I just can't live without you...

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.

I left my head around your heart,
Why would you tear my world apart?

Always, always, always, always.

I see, the blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel, more like a man
Was it all, just a part of your plan
The pistol's shakin' in my hands
And all I hear is the sound.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that i'm out the door
And now i'm done with you.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.
I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I pick myself off the floor,
And now i'm done with you.

Always
Always
Always.

[Greenport]

your dads a low life. if i were u id just erase him from my memory, if i could that is. Just live your life normally. dont let him be a part of it. most likely fuck ur life up. no offence at all.

[Skink]

Slip I'm not a preacher but,,, you need check that drinking,,,last word on that,,,promise...