You need some work on you're wiriting skills. MastaChronic said it, you need a huge vocab. to be write anything decent. Pick up a Thesorous(sp?) and find some more meaningful words to work with.

I like the opening line, but from there, it goes downhill.

The thing with rapping or hip-hopping, is the lyrics and words are your instrument. Using words in rap is like a guitar player playing a riff, or a bassist laying down a wicked bassline. Use the words as your weapon and instrument. Those words, I just see diarria of the mouth and hard talk. If you're going to rap hard, chose some better words.

My 2cents.
Nochowderforyou Reviewed by Nochowderforyou on . Short rap I wrote Ok so i like to write things, wether it be songs, raps, poetry, whatever. Well i was bored a second ago and wrote this short little rap, took me about 10 minutes. Just tell me what you think and critique it or whatever. And please ppl, DONT post YOUR songs, or raps I get a sensation when I penetrate the teenage generation It's insane when, I open her fuckin' mouth and fuck her fuckin' brains in And I'm not changin, you better trust that Infact, I'll blast your wack ass if your talkin that Rating: 5