This is my suggestion. I deleted all the the stuff about your mom. It wasn't important and only made the letter longer. It is about you, and why YOU should recieve more aid. The president doesn't want to read that long of letter. I wouldn't suggest sending it the way you have it written. You don't have to take all the advice, and there are still likely errors to be found in it. This is the advice of two English Majors reading over it together, take it for what you will. Good luck, and hope you get the aid you are looking for.

Dear Dr. XXX,

I am currently a junior here at XXX and am a member of XXX and the XXX. I have participated in alumni gift phonathons and work-studied for the XXX Office. I also ran on the Cross Country team this past season. I am a Business Administration major with a cumulative GPA of 3.0. I have been receiving an exemplary education at this fine institution and I know I made the right choice to continue my education here. I have always dreamt of attending a private college because they provide quality professors and an education that most public schools canā??t match. I never thought I would ever attend one though because public school is all I thought I could afford, but after doing research I realized the degree is worth the financial burden. It has been difficult for me to finance my education and by the time I graduate I will have accumulated nearly sixty-thousand dollars in debt. I will receive no help in paying this debt off, as my mother canā??t afford it. I currently receive eight thousand dollars of financial aid to this school (a smester?). I know that a degree from this school will someday pay for itself, but the amount of debt I am in is overwhelming.

I have looked at several scholarships, but many of them require a XXX residency. Several of my friends who have a lower GPA than me, or who are less involved in campus activities, receive more finacial aid through programs such as XXX Futures or the XXX Scholarship. Unfortunately, I am not eligible for these scholarships because I am not a resident of this state. I was also a transfer student so scholarships awarded to high school seniors or incoming freshmen are not available to me. It was a leap of faith and a difficult decision for me to move from XXX to XXX. I have applied for several other scholarships that I researched at EducationQuest but I have not received any aid.

My mother is single and my sole supporter. The cost of this institution, with my financial aid, comes to approximately twenty-thousand dollars per year and my motherā??s salary is only slightly over thirty-five thousand dollars. I worked at XXX ATVā??s this summer full-time to pay for out-of-pocket expenses. I realized the job is very hard; it is extremely loud, dirty and hot. Many people I worked with didnā??t go to college for different reasons and this job made me appreciate my education because I know that I do not want to become a laborer.

I have always pushed myself to achieve the very best. I maintained a 3.0 GPA or higher. I am also involved in many extra curriculaā??s as I have a lot of pride for this school. What I am asking of you, Dr. XXX, is to personally review my financial aid package. If there are any scholarships you could recommend for me, or any way you could help me financially, it would be greatly appreciated. Waiving the XXX residency requirement for a scholarship could help me greatly. I do plan on staying in XXX after I graduate. I have called alumni during school phonathons and asked them to give financial gifts, now I hope that you can help me in the form of financial aid. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this letter and I look forward to hearing from you soon. If you have any questions or comments, you can contact me at XXX.
JaggedEdge Reviewed by JaggedEdge on . PLZ read i need help on letter Hi all, So i am writing this letter to the president & finaid office of my school, I Was hoping u all would read it and would tell me what u think. I'm trying to get more moeny for school and if there are any errors or anything u would add or if you could please tell me if its good or bad or flows well i would APPRECIATE IT! and i took out some details to keep me anonymous, they are XXXXed out Dear Dr. XXX, I am currently a junior here at XXX. I am a member of XXX and the XXX. I have Rating: 5