PLZ read i need help on letter

[bentleygtgirl]

Hi all,
So i am writing this letter to the president & finaid office of my school, I Was hoping u all would read it and would tell me what u think. I'm trying to get more moeny for school and if there are any errors or anything u would add or if you could please tell me if its good or bad or flows well i would APPRECIATE IT! and i took out some details to keep me anonymous, they are XXXXed out

Dear Dr. XXX,

I am currently a junior here at XXX. I am a member of XXX and the XXX. I have participated in alumni gift phonathons for the school and work-studied for the XXX Office. I also ran on the Cross Country team this past season. I am a Business Administration major and I maintain a 3.0 GPA. I transferred here as a sophomore after attending the XXX in my hometown of XXX. I have been receiving an exemplary education at this fine institution and I know I made the right choice to continue my education here. I have always dreamt of attending a private college as they are very prestigious and provide the staff and education that most public schools canâ??t. I never thought I actually would attend one because public school is all I thought I could afford, but after doing research I realized the degree is worth it. It has been difficult for me to finance my education and by the time I graduate I will have accumulated nearly sixty-thousand dollars in debt. The debts are being paid by me, as my mother can not afford them. I currently receive eight thousand dollars of financial aid to this school. I know that a degree from this school will someday pay for itself, but the amount of debt I am in is overwhelming.

I have looked at several scholarships but many of them for this school require a XXX residency. Several of my friends who have a lower GPA than me or who are much less involved on campus receive much more aid through programs such as XXX Futures or the XXX Scholarship, which I am not eligible for only because I am not a resident of this state. I was also a transfer student so scholarships awarded to high school seniors or incoming freshmen were not available to me. It was a leap of faith and a difficult decision for me to move from XXX to XXX. My mother knew that she could not afford my education so she never pushed me attend college. The decision to go to college was my own. I did all the school research and put in applications myself as my mother were not familiar with the process. I have no family in XXX and moved on my own without knowing anyone. Knowing people from the same region or state that you are from can help make the transition easier, but there are few students from the Midwest attending XXX. I only know of one other student from XXX. I have applied for several other scholarships that I researched at EducationQuest but I have not received any.

My mother is single and my sole supporter. The tuition of this school with my aid comes to approximately twenty-thousand dollars per year and my motherâ??s salary is only slightly over thirty-five thousand dollars. She will be 60 years old this year and is only a few years from retirement. Even though her job causes her a lot of pain, she is not on disability pay and never takes off work. She has years of perfect attendance at XXX, a factory where she works using manual labor to create XXX ATVs. I worked there this summer full-time to pay for out-of-pocket expenses for school. I realized the job is very hard; it is extremely loud, dirty and hot. Many people I worked with didnâ??t go to college for different reasons and this job made me appreciate my education because I know that I do not want to become a laborer. My mother is excellent with her finances and always pays her bills on time. She never had the opportunity to go to college. She has already raised X children, my half brothers and sisters who are all married and on their own. Recently, she was diagnosed with retinal occlusion. This means she had a stroke behind her left eye which resulted in most of her vision being lost in that eye. She still goes to work every day to pay her bills and does not receive any assistance.

I take after my mother and have always been a hard worker. When I was younger, if I wanted to go to summer camps or on school trips, I would have to earn my way. I would sell candy, cookies, and POGO cards, organize car washes and garage sales along with many other fundraisers so I could go on these trips as my parents couldnâ??t afford them. Iâ??ve always tried to be independent and have earned money since I was very young which is why being business major is a natural choice for me. When I was 6 years old I worked with my mother delivering a newspaper around town. I started to work on my own when I was 15. My first job was detasseling, which is hard farm work where the tassel of the corn is pulled off. I have also worked in a factory, in restaurants, in retail and also doing phone work. I have never been without a job for very long because I pay for most of my own expenses. I am thankful that I earn my own money because it gives me good work ethic, financial skills and taught me to be independent.

Being independent, my biggest fear is not being able to pay my own bills when I graduate. I can not depend on my mother as money is tight with her new medical condition and that she is near retirement. I have always pushed myself to achieve the very best. I have always had a 3.0 GPA or higher and have always been involved with my school as I have a lot of pride in wherever I am. What I am asking of you, Dr. XXX, is to personally review my financial aid package. If there are any scholarships you could recommend to me or any way you could help me financially it would be truly appreciated. Waiving the XXX residency requirement for a scholarship could help me greatly. I do plan on staying in XXX after I graduate. I have called alumni during school phonathons and asked them to give financial gifts, now I hope that you can help me in the form of financial aid. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this letter and I hope to hear from you soon.


THANK YOU CANNABIS.COM members for reading! I appreciate it. :rastasmoke: :rastasmoke:

bentleygtgirl Reviewed by bentleygtgirl on 01-05-2007. PLZ read i need help on letter Hi all, So i am writing this letter to the president & finaid office of my school, I Was hoping u all would read it and would tell me what u think. I'm trying to get more moeny for school and if there are any errors or anything u would add or if you could please tell me if its good or bad or flows well i would APPRECIATE IT! and i took out some details to keep me anonymous, they are XXXXed out Dear Dr. XXX, I am currently a junior here at XXX. I am a member of XXX and the XXX. I have Rating: 5

[4gan2ja0]

nice :thumbsup: good quality letter you got going on

[JaggedEdge]

This is my suggestion. I deleted all the the stuff about your mom. It wasn't important and only made the letter longer. It is about you, and why YOU should recieve more aid. The president doesn't want to read that long of letter. I wouldn't suggest sending it the way you have it written. You don't have to take all the advice, and there are still likely errors to be found in it. This is the advice of two English Majors reading over it together, take it for what you will. Good luck, and hope you get the aid you are looking for.

Dear Dr. XXX,

I am currently a junior here at XXX and am a member of XXX and the XXX. I have participated in alumni gift phonathons and work-studied for the XXX Office. I also ran on the Cross Country team this past season. I am a Business Administration major with a cumulative GPA of 3.0. I have been receiving an exemplary education at this fine institution and I know I made the right choice to continue my education here. I have always dreamt of attending a private college because they provide quality professors and an education that most public schools canâ??t match. I never thought I would ever attend one though because public school is all I thought I could afford, but after doing research I realized the degree is worth the financial burden. It has been difficult for me to finance my education and by the time I graduate I will have accumulated nearly sixty-thousand dollars in debt. I will receive no help in paying this debt off, as my mother canâ??t afford it. I currently receive eight thousand dollars of financial aid to this school (a smester?). I know that a degree from this school will someday pay for itself, but the amount of debt I am in is overwhelming.

I have looked at several scholarships, but many of them require a XXX residency. Several of my friends who have a lower GPA than me, or who are less involved in campus activities, receive more finacial aid through programs such as XXX Futures or the XXX Scholarship. Unfortunately, I am not eligible for these scholarships because I am not a resident of this state. I was also a transfer student so scholarships awarded to high school seniors or incoming freshmen are not available to me. It was a leap of faith and a difficult decision for me to move from XXX to XXX. I have applied for several other scholarships that I researched at EducationQuest but I have not received any aid.

My mother is single and my sole supporter. The cost of this institution, with my financial aid, comes to approximately twenty-thousand dollars per year and my motherâ??s salary is only slightly over thirty-five thousand dollars. I worked at XXX ATVâ??s this summer full-time to pay for out-of-pocket expenses. I realized the job is very hard; it is extremely loud, dirty and hot. Many people I worked with didnâ??t go to college for different reasons and this job made me appreciate my education because I know that I do not want to become a laborer.

I have always pushed myself to achieve the very best. I maintained a 3.0 GPA or higher. I am also involved in many extra curriculaâ??s as I have a lot of pride for this school. What I am asking of you, Dr. XXX, is to personally review my financial aid package. If there are any scholarships you could recommend for me, or any way you could help me financially, it would be greatly appreciated. Waiving the XXX residency requirement for a scholarship could help me greatly. I do plan on staying in XXX after I graduate. I have called alumni during school phonathons and asked them to give financial gifts, now I hope that you can help me in the form of financial aid. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this letter and I look forward to hearing from you soon. If you have any questions or comments, you can contact me at XXX.

[JaggedEdge]

Have you sent it off yet?

[surreys princess]

i agree about taking that stuff out..long letters are not well received..

are you a resident after living there a year?

i have never personally heard of someone doing this..i didnt even know it could be done...usually you work and whatnot, and i didnt even know there was much financial support for someone with a 3.0...there are usually loads of jobs in college towns...i am not trying to sound crappy, but you chose to go to that college and take on these expenses..shouldnt you find a way to take care of your expenses? i mean, you are a business major after all...

princess

[chisme]

yeah id agree the letter seems fine but the longer it is the more chance the person reading it will just skip through lines.


short n direct is the best approach

[JaggedEdge]

i agree about taking that stuff out..long letters are not well received..

are you a resident after living there a year?

i have never personally heard of someone doing this..i didnt even know it could be done...usually you work and whatnot, and i didnt even know there was much financial support for someone with a 3.0...there are usually loads of jobs in college towns...i am not trying to sound crappy, but you chose to go to that college and take on these expenses..shouldnt you find a way to take care of your expenses? i mean, you are a business major after all...

princess

What have you never heard of? There are all kind of hidden grants you can find if you look hard enough. I saw one that was for 30,000 with the stipulation that the student live at a certain adress the year of 05'.

That one was a dad's way of paying for his son's college with tax benifits too though.

I agree though, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you transfered there. It is all a matter of how good an investment you are making. What jobs will be available to you, how much they pay, how long you think it will take to pay off your loans, etc. I'm thinking about going to The Art Institute but that will put me in the hole 80,000 plus. If it seems like it is worth the investment I will get the loans to pay for it, if not I will stick at my four year.

But don't get your feelings hurt if you get nowhere with this letter. I doubt the president will do much research on your behalf. He may be nice, and point you in the right direction, but don't expect much.

[lil josh]

soz m8 couldnt be bothered to read it or or any of it tbh but nice long letter

[surreys princess]

sure there are loads of grants and stuff....i was just saying i have never heard of writing the president of your school or anything asking for them..i struggled desperately in school, but i worked and i wasnt writing the president of my school for anything..so, the place she worked was hot and whatnot..if you want it bad enough you will do what you need to and not ask for handouts..and yes, this is asking for handouts..it is very different than searching for hidden scholarships....i wonder how much time was spent on researching who to ask for money? i am sure a job could have filled that time just as well...

princess

[TokinAsianGuy]

i wonder, how many letters does that guy get a day?

chisme's got the right idea, short and direct.