A New Joke Thread

[Byker]

Reminds me of another very old joke;

Seán O'Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please, dear Jesus", he implored, "let it be blood!"

Den she sez:

Edit: Paddy is a brand of Irish Whiskey btw

I knew that!

But so long as we're telling Irishman jokes and nun jokes ...

It's Thursday evening, and Mike just got his pay packet, so he's going into the pub for a quick pint before he goes home. As he pushes open the door, he hears a small voice behind him that says, "You're enterin' the gates of Hell."

He turns around. Standing before him, a few inches shorter and with her hands tucked into the sleeves of her habit, is a nun. Mike turns back toward the door, and he begins to lean on it, when the voice starts again: "You're enterin' the gates of Hell, ta drink the devil's blood!".

"Now, sister," Mike says, as he wheels around. The nun replies, "Yer goin' inta that den of sin to commune with Satan!".

Mike walks over to her and says, "No, sister, that's an honest workin' men's pub. There's no more sin --"

"You are going into a den of sin and evil!", the nun cries out. "No, sister! No, I am not!", shouts Mike.

They stare at each other for a moment. Then Mike says, "Look, sister, you're so certain you know what this pub is like, you come in with me and tell me what you see. Come on! Come on with ya!". And Mike opens the door of the pub and ushers the nun inside.

Once in, he leads her to a corner table in the lounge. "Now, can I get you a drink?", says Mike. "Well ... all right," says the nun, timidly. "I'd like some whiskey, just a drop, but put it in a tea cup."

"Right," says Mike, and he trundles up to the bar.

At the bar, Mike waits for the barman, and tells him, "Howehyeh, Albert! I'd like a pint a' Guinness, and a drop of Paddy. But put the whiskey in a tea cup."

The barman looks at Mike and says, "Wha'?".

Mike repeats, "A pint a' the Arthur Guinness, and a short of Paddy. But put the Paddy in a tea cup."

"Whiskey in a tea cup, ya want?", queries the barman again.

"Yes, that's what I said," replies Mike.

"Whale oil beef hooked," remarks the barman. "That bloody nun is back again!"

Byker Reviewed by Byker on 01-26-2005. A New Joke Thread I tried to find the old threat...I hope this one hasn't been posted before: Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first if she's ever sinned. "Well", she admits, "I once saw a man's penis." "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven", he tells her. Peter then asks the second nun if she's ever sinned. "Well", she replies, "I once held a man's penis." "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven", he says. Suddenly, Rating: 5