Are we long lost brothers? It seems like you've retold the story of my life in your posts...

Let me just say these aren't the answers, and I know people will rag on me for saying these things.
This is just what worked for me, and since we were in the same boat, it seems like some out of touch advice from a lunatic might help you out.

Stop overanalyzing the situation, stop overanalyzing yourself.
The first thing you must do is accept isolation and understand that you'll die alone. It sounds brutal, but it's a fact. Even if you go out holding someone in your arms, it's still your brain that shuts off and your body that gives out. Chances are, even if you get married to a beautiful woman you love, your love won't last the lifetime our society expects it to. Understand that emotions are just chemicals and you can turn your love on and off like a switch. If you really wanted to, you could feel love for some random homeless guy, so maybe it's not that special (chances are I just haven't felt it, though).

Learn to love and respect yourself. You're all you have.

Now for me, any girl I have intended on having sex with (I fall in love with ALMOST every girl I meet) has stayed far, far away from my penis. The real key was meeting some girls who I ABSOLUTELY could not force myself to respect. This resulted in me acting significantly more confident, which, when mixed with alcohol and weed, caused me to display typical alpha male characteristics (being the asshole both you and I despise). I am ashamed to say the first girl I had sex with I threatened to punch in the face, in front of other people, on multiple occasions. She loved it. But I was serious, this girl was very dumb, extremely slutty, couldn't light a bong right, and was prone to alcohol poisoning every night of the week. My threats of violence somehow endeared me to her, so when I'd see her in public places she would start seeking me out to talk or dance. (Dancing is a great way to get a girl to make out with you... it might have something to do with the fact that you're trying to forcibly shove your penis into any part of her body near it).

Getting girls to seek you out is key, because, sooner or later, she will be alone with you while intoxicated and start making out with you. Run with this. Once in bed, though, you may revert to your more sensitive self. Defeat this urge by attempting to reinact your favorite pornos. For instance, I told a Filipino girl the other day who wasn't giving me oral of her own will to "show me how Filipino girls suck dick." This made me feel very macho, and was ultimately more satisfying than her mouth (which immediately proceeded to my dick). This is your big day, so proceed to fuck the llife out of this girl. Think of a list of positions you want to try and go for as many as you can, just please don't sit there and expect her to do the work because this strategy typically works on slutty, yet extraordinarily lazy women (sigh). Cowgirl and reverse cowgirl are some of my favorites because I am somewhat lazy, and if the girl DOES want to take some initiative, this is her chance to show what she's got, and it's still more sexy than missionary.

Summary: find girls you can't respect and dominate them the tried and true alpha-male way. The stories are usually more rewarding than the sex, but hey, you're desperate, right? I was. Please, for the love of God, if you can possibly find someone you like do it with them because making love is quite different than having sex. However, don't expect a girl to continue loving you after you prematurely bust inside her due to it being your first time, but then again, I've heard from a few people that some guys don't bust at all the first time because they're so blown away that they are actually inside a woman they can't even feel it.

Understand that this is a very cynical method that does not provide satisfaction beyond losing your virginity and making great stories.

I am sorry if I offended anyone, I'm actually a surprisingly nice guy, but this is what I had to do to get my dick wet.

PS - don't waste your weed or alcohol on any girls this attracts.

Peace