I need help...

[Oneironaut]

Well, I'm 21 and I'm like the only virgin I know. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not attractive, maybe I'm too weird, maybe I'm just not trying the right way, but something's up. I have never had a girlfriend and I've kissed two girls in my entire 21 years of existence (one of them doesn't count cause she only kissed me once real quick to make another kid jealous).

I have no clue what to do. Every day it gets worse, since every day my peers are getting older and more sexually experienced while I lag behind, becoming ever less desirable than the competition. The thing is, I just don't know where to meet girls or how to talk to them if I like them. People tell me that the right girl will just "come along" eventually, but that strategy doesn't seem to be working when I spend most of my free time in my room alone with no place to go. And they tell me to just "be myself" around girls, but that's what I've been doing anyways and it's pretty obvious that being myself for 21 years has gotten me absolutely nowhere. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, I get those two pieces of bad advice, and every time I follow it, continuing to wait around and be myself, and continuing to become crazier and crazier because of my sexual frustration.

I'm a smart, nice, funny guy. I never argue or fight with people, and I'm super-nice to just about everybody I meet. And still, I can't even manage to make any regular friends, much less get a girl to want to fool around with me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. What's even more confusing, is that the sexually active guys around me are all total assholes to women all the time! They insult, offend, and abuse women, and they get laid all the time. What do girls see in such pricks? Why do the nice guys finish last?

Sometimes I try to ignore it all, and sometimes I succeed for a while, but it always comes back to haunt me. It's really depressing, and I think it's causing me psychological problems. I often have thoughts of committing suicide, and though I know I would be too scared to actually do it, the very fact that these thoughts keep coming up in my head frightens me. It tells me there's something seriously wrong with my life here and I need to fix it.

Oneironaut Reviewed by Oneironaut on 12-30-2006. I need help... Well, I'm 21 and I'm like the only virgin I know. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not attractive, maybe I'm too weird, maybe I'm just not trying the right way, but something's up. I have never had a girlfriend and I've kissed two girls in my entire 21 years of existence (one of them doesn't count cause she only kissed me once real quick to make another kid jealous). I have no clue what to do. Every day it gets worse, since every day my peers are getting older and more Rating: 5

[birdgirl73]

Do you have any friends who are girls? Talking to them is basically like talking to anyone else. If you do have some friends who are girls, have them coach you a bit. Girls like guys who communicate, as a rule, because they know where they stand with them. If you don't have any girl friends, you need to cultivate some.

OK, one of my son's friends had the same problem with virginity, and it was making him depressed, too. Finally, he met a friend of one of his cousins who was willing to do her duty in the service of manhood and let him get his first time out of the way with her. That seemed to help him feel less different, but he still doesn't naturally connect with ladies in the same way the other guys do. In your case, like his, I believe it's the fact that he's a great deal smarter and so is different from the rest of his crowd. Young women often don't have the same discriminating tastes when they're in their late teens or early twenties that they later develop, and so they still tend to gravitate to the regular-Joe guys. Later when they get more mature and discerning, they learn that it's the irregular Joes who make for more interesting--and kinder--lovers and friends. In some ways, it'd be ideal if you could meet women who are a few years older so they're already past the regular-Joe phase of their lives.

You've got to put yourself in the path of some very smart girls, Oneironaut. I know you're not religious, and I wonder if some like-minded girls might not be present at the nearest Unitarian fellowship. What about clubs or activities from your college? What about online dating? What about setups through friends? What about a part-time job--or just frequent hanging out--at a nearby bookstore? It's a matter of arranging it so you'll have as many possible interactions with intelligent women so you get more exposure.

It's hard for you to hear the "Be patient" advice, I'm sure. But if you can hang on until you actually meet someone you like and have some things in common with, ultimately that's going to be a more satisfying relationship, sexually and emotionally. As you know, there are tons of guys out in the world whose sole mission is to nail girls, and there are plenty of girls out there who don't have the self-esteem to know there's more to relationships than being the latest "nailee." Work on cultivating the friendships/relationships first, and the sex should eventually follow. Above all, quit denigrating yourself for not having passed this self-imposed milestone. That's just making you feel worse, and chances are the negativity and insecurity that you’re reinforcing for yourself are probably showing through on some level and may even be adding to the problem. Good luck!

[lil josh]

ok personally i have not ever had these problems but one of my friends seems to be sorta having this problem. basically i think yu should go to a few bars/clubs liek birdgirl said put yourself in places wher your most likley to interact with women.

it depends how you want your first time to be? the easyest way would probably to find a local get-around at a club/bar and go sumwhere with her to have sex, this is not advised if you want your first time to be special as to these sort of girls 'its just a fuck'.

[Skink]

You need to get married,,,find an overweight girl at the supermarket and propose marriage...

[sweet jane]

you can't just wait for someone to come along.... follow wise, wise birdgirl's advice. meeting as many girls as you can is step one... but then Pick One that You like, don't just wait for someone to find you. be smart about your choice... once you've found somebody specific you want to get, get back to us. thats a whole new set of directions

[Skink]

go to the supermarket and just start talking to someone about the food in there cart... go to the Laundromat and borrow some soap... Dude people are alike in many ways and the one that is not talking could be as shy or shyer "is that a word???" than you...

[gabee42ee]

girls love confidence ... to get girls you don't have to even be good looking you just have to be confident in yourself... talk to girls and put urself out there a little and know what a great person you are

birdgirl howd u get to be so smart?

[birdgirl73]

I'm not particularly smart, Gabee. Just old!!

[LIP]

I'm not particularly smart, Gabee. Just old!!

Old is code for Experienced.

[Reefer Rogue]

Well, I'm 21 and I'm like the only virgin I know. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not attractive, maybe I'm too weird, maybe I'm just not trying the right way, but something's up. I have never had a girlfriend and I've kissed two girls in my entire 21 years of existence (one of them doesn't count cause she only kissed me once real quick to make another kid jealous).

I have no clue what to do. Every day it gets worse, since every day my peers are getting older and more sexually experienced while I lag behind, becoming ever less desirable than the competition. The thing is, I just don't know where to meet girls or how to talk to them if I like them. People tell me that the right girl will just "come along" eventually, but that strategy doesn't seem to be working when I spend most of my free time in my room alone with no place to go. And they tell me to just "be myself" around girls, but that's what I've been doing anyways and it's pretty obvious that being myself for 21 years has gotten me absolutely nowhere. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, I get those two pieces of bad advice, and every time I follow it, continuing to wait around and be myself, and continuing to become crazier and crazier because of my sexual frustration.

I'm a smart, nice, funny guy. I never argue or fight with people, and I'm super-nice to just about everybody I meet. And still, I can't even manage to make any regular friends, much less get a girl to want to fool around with me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. What's even more confusing, is that the sexually active guys around me are all total assholes to women all the time! They insult, offend, and abuse women, and they get laid all the time. What do girls see in such pricks? Why do the nice guys finish last?

Sometimes I try to ignore it all, and sometimes I succeed for a while, but it always comes back to haunt me. It's really depressing, and I think it's causing me psychological problems. I often have thoughts of committing suicide, and though I know I would be too scared to actually do it, the very fact that these thoughts keep coming up in my head frightens me. It tells me there's something seriously wrong with my life here and I need to fix it.

Go to Amsterdam, get high as hell, find the most attractive prostitute you can and have sex with her. May not be your cup of tea but it stopped my depression. I know for a fact i'll never fuck a women as beautiful again, it's just money, like i said, it was worth it to me. Some people will call me pathetic and sad, and to those people, i accept their opinion. I've been going through some rough times with women recently, especially with this one girl that i spent so much time with and it didn't materialize into anything physical. I've never been in love with a girl but i know that's the closest i've ever come. She'll have sex with all these other guys but not me... I'm just a friend to her. When she rejected me it pushed me over the edge with depression. I had to do something. Obviously i would've preferred my first time to be with someone who actually cared about me, since i couldn't get that i did the next best thing.

This new year i've made a commitment to get a girlfriend asap. I'm actually going to actively try, unlike before, i've been over analysing why i've gotten rejected instead of not letting it bother me. I really feel for you bro coz i can relate, i doubt my advice helped at all but oh well. I wish you the best of luck man, it can be done, don't give up!