I need help...

[birdgirl73]

As I read your reply to me, Oneironaut, and subsequent posts from you and others, I realized that at the moment, unless you pay for it or find a female acquaintance to oblige, you have some social distance to cover before you're ready to have actual sex. All the advice to find a girl in a bar and go for it is rather worthless until you further hone your social skills. I know thatâ??s the last thing you want to hear, but itâ??s true.

Right now, work on increasing your exposure to women and friends of both genders. Dutch Lover's idea of taking a hobby or craft class was a good one. Do online dating. Hang out in book stores. Volunteer in a library. The more things you try, the more exposure you'll get. You'll have to force yourself to initiate conversations and come out of your shell, but you can do that, and practice helps you get better at being social. Keep cultivating your friendship with your lady friend from work, too. Thatâ??s a very good thing and has potential.

Once youâ??ve developed your social skills a bit further and have a better network of friends and women to choose from, then you can begin looking at the possibility of dating, hanging out one-on-one, or being set up by your male friends. Then, once youâ??ve crossed that hurdle, you can cross the bridge to sex. Far too many young people put too much emphasis on having sex without any consideration for actual emotional intimacy. Your mates and acquaintances who nail lots of girls? Theyâ??re braggarts and lotharios. Plenty of them are also carriers and transmitters of STDs. Chances are that many of them are huge exaggerators, too. I differ with Dutch Lover here because I believe lots of sexual exposure doesnâ??t necessarily mean improvement in sexual technique at all. Itâ??s being in a relationship where thereâ??s trust and emotional closeness that allows the partners to communicate to each other what they need and like. Good sex results from that trust and closeness, not from the quantity of partners or experiences someone has had.

As far as why being smart can sometimes be a hindrance, Iâ??m afraid thatâ??s just the way things are. Ever read any of the philosophers or poets whoâ??ve written about the isolating nature of genius? Intelligence sets people apart and can be threatening. The average young adult isnâ??t a deep or critical thinker, and youâ??ve been raised to be different. You read more. Have different ideas about religion, politics, culture, and life. I suspect you â??stay in your headâ?� (that is, in the intellectual realm) a good bit more than most folks. And that also puts some social distance between you and others. This is not a terminal problem. But itâ??s why you will be likely to meet other smarter-than-average women friends in places other than bars or malls. Academia. Bookstores. Art-house film centers. Unitarian fellowships. Another potentially good option for meeting people with whom to interact socially is some type of support or therapy group, which would probably benefit you in other ways. Youâ??re clearly feeling very depressed and isolated right now, and therapeutic support might help you stop being so harshly critical of yourself. OK, good luck again. Sorry for such a long reply.

[deltron]

nothing in life is free, especially pussy. i'm a 42yr ol' man who has probably turned down more sex than most men will have had in their lives. i was a total bad-boy growing up & attracted alot of girls for some reason. not boasting just making a statement.
the sex you pay for w/$ is the least expensive. the rest carries huge costs, emotional being the most, but sex with someone you love or care for alot is the best.
hookers are a useful tool & dont think that girls that aren't hookers dont carry disease. men are hardwired genetically to try & spread their seed so when the pressure builds & your in the midst of a dry-spell, splurge the couple hundred $ & get your freak on. for some strange reason i have found that getting more sex gets you more sex. it is a confidence thing which women instinctively pickup on.
monogamy is always a plus for security/self image issues, but personally i need a release once in awhile w/o emotional attachment. guess i'm a freak.
r

So if you were such a "bad-boy" why would you turn down all that sex?

Obviously theres a pretty good portion of women who aren't hookers and have diseases (I'm in univeristy and we are bombarded with statistics about this topic). However, I dont know why you would even bring up this point. Prostitutes have sex with multiple people daily. The people who have sex with hookers, I would imagine, lots of them have had sex with other hookers. If Crystal fucks 5 guys a day, who have each had sex with 5 other hookers (who are also having lots of sex) do the math on how much potential disease is goin around that poon. Compared to some chick whose had 5 or 10 partners in her whole life? Yeah, have fun with the prostitute.

Oh and, personally I've had sex with a couple girls with absolutely no emotional attachment at all, just drunken fun. It's called a one night stand.

Not boasting, just making a statement.

[SmokeyDC]

You should know that some girls would do anything to have sex with a virgin. Don't ask me why, I don't know why.

[Its a Plant]

Relax and don't let yourself down for not getting laid.

Go to a bar with some friends just for fun, not on some run of conquest. Chat with the ladies lightly, humorously. Don't be ashamed you are a virgin. Be proud because you are the fresh fish that hasn't been caught yet. You are the unconquered, the untravelled. You don't let just anyone have the temple of your body. Make yourself a challange to get laid. The more you deny sex, the more it drives the ladies crazy. Just play around and have fun. Eventually the opportunity will present itself, believe me.

If you follow any advice from this thread, I'd go with this. Too true. ~

[stinkyattic]

Be proud because you are the fresh fish that hasn't been caught yet. You are the unconquered, the untravelled. You don't let just anyone have the temple of your body.
.

As a woman, I like this approach! That's WAY more lighthearted than worrying about the sex!

Oh and trippruss it's great to see you around! How's the ol' kiddie pool hydro thing going? Man those pics made me laugh myself silly, then run to home depot and slap down some green on pumps and tubing!!!

[slipknotpsycho]

So are you saying too much weed is a bad thing? shame on thou! :P

Anyways man-im 15 and im still a virgin and all my friends aren't virgins...they all "kid" around and make fun of me being a virgin(more like one guy though :P)
but...soon i'll lose it.
but i feel your pain dude. it sucks ass.
but i can say and assure if you dont choose suicide then your near future will be great and you will be happy.
Just hold on and stay together. Find some friends and have fun.
it'll all come together sooner or later.

i just now noticed this post... and yeah, too much weed is a bad thing... there's quite a few reasons.... it could potentially turn someone into a lazy slob who wants to do nothing but lay in bed all day toking, won't even get up to take a shower... it could cause your lungs so much damage (from smoking) you could develope breathing problems, could do so much you puke.... like i said too much of anything can make it a bad thing... one of the most safe things on this planet, and that we need everyday to live, can be bad in really high quantities, water... it just depends on how you look at it, and how much of whatever your talking about.... there's a 'safe limit' for everything...

[greendove]

My little sister is a mid-20's virgin. It's not because she can't get any, but rather, she's WAY too damn picky. She's keeping her heart open for a guy who's so perfect that he doesn't exist. One of her requirements is that he also be a virgin.

I've been married now for almost two years. My husband is an amazing man who I've known since junior high school. We were both social outcasts, and somehow through that and so many other things, it helped us to mesh well together. We were pretty hard partiers back in the day, so we were both very sexually experienced from the wrong people. Looking back, we both wish in a way that we had kept the strength to wait for one another, and not share ourselves with anyone else.

Being a virgin at 21 sucks, but let me tell you... sex is not the be all/end all experience in life. Once you've done it for the first time, you can never do it for the first time again. Don't waste it on prostitutes or loose women - you'll not respect yourself for it, I guarantee. There is such a huge difference between fucking and making love. One is worth the time and effort, the other really isn't by comparisson. When that special someone comes around, she's going to want to know where you've been. If you're honest with her, and have to tell her that you gave your virginity away to a paid whore, then you'll definitely lose her respect, as well.

What first attracted me to my husband was his confidence in himself. He always seemed so calm and collected around people, and I admired that quality in him. Little did I know that it was just an effective act, and that he was just as terrified of social situations as I am most of the time. Confidence is what makes girls (unfortunately) also go after assholes. They're especially good at it. What you need is confidence.

How do you get confidence? Here are a few simple steps to help you out. Step number one (and this is important), get yourself a gym membership. Don't go to the gym as a lame excuse to meet women, but to get your body in the best possible shape as you can get it. Go a bare minimum of twice a week, work out until it hurts, and stick with it no matter what. Not only will you feel better, but you will look better. Your skin will look better, and it also helps you feel better emotionally. It's a similar reason why women wear makeup - looking better makes them feel better, too, and helps them get confidence. It will be a change in the routine, and it will be hard, but it will be worth it.

Step number two: pick up girls by talking to them at parties and get togethers, not bars. Do nice things for them, like getting refills on drinks when they need them, and make sure you smile a LOT. If you smile a lot (and not look like some depressed kid in the corner), you will attract more women. Women are going to avoid someone who looks like they're carrying around an ass ton of emotional baggage. They want someone who will make them feel good to be around, so act like everything's going swimmingly, even if you feel like you're going to explode inside.

Step number three: Keep doing steps 1 and 2. Don't stop or give up. Good things will come your way.

Hope this helps.

[Inferius]

its all just one big numbers game ay
get back on that horse until something clicks . bone doesnt count

[ninfan77]

www.hotornot.com
www.plentyoffish.com
www.420dating.com
www.craigslist.com (personals)

Talk to some ppl online man.. you can think more about your responses, there's not this overwhelming pressure in person etc. Maybe you'll get more comfortable "speaking" to people, both male or female, make some friends and then get out and meet those ppl.

[SwirlyMass]

Christ I am not a fucking monkey. I'm not going to try to defeat the alpha male just to get a submissive female who's into "badasses". That is definitely not on my list of options here. I was raised to be a peace-loving hippie, and that's the way I'm gonna stay. Besides, I've never been in a real fight before, so I'd just get my ass kicked if I tried. Violence is not the solution. I'm looking for love, not hate.

I c the problem. Get some meat on ya or if you're overweight then get some muscle on ya.

You need more confidence, just think of yourself as the greatest dude alive, you probably treat women better than ever other guy, you are more charming and intelligent than any other guy.

and dating IS JUST A SCREENING PROCESS, there should be no talk of your 'game' or how good you are at picking up chicks, that way you will move past the girls you have no future with and meet the ones you have something in common with, and the ones you have equal opinions with will probably like you back a lot easier (and more) than the dumb blonde cum dumpsters. ( no offense to any cum dumpsters who are present, i've fallen for more than a few )


Don't reveal your inner nerdy self to a girl right away either, focus on everything thats good about you. Not everything that someone might see as 'bad' because thats not what people are looking for or are even going to notice unless you point it out to them somehow.



Goodluck, stay away from hookers and go find a hot librarian.