Correction birdgirl, I can't get it legally.

I'm in ND (its not that bad I guess, and no one talks like the movie "Fargo"" here lol), and its not a medical Marijuana state.

It prevents the "episodes" from happening completely.

As for the "slowing my thoughts down" part, that is helping with my depression. Cannabis allows me to really get into my head, and I wouldn't be the same without it.

Does anybody have any clue as to what might be wrong with me?

I'm off to take a shower, any input would be most appreciated.

I'll describe in full detail how my last "episode" went to give you a better picture.