Word of God (a joke for you non-conservatives)

[clevemire]

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex
marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a
man and a woman."

I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10 - it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though Lev. 19:27 expressly forbids this.
How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a f arm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two differ ent kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them, like in Lev.24:10-16? Couldn't we just burn
them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these
things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such
matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

clevemire Reviewed by clevemire on 11-16-2004. Word of God (a joke for you non-conservatives) Dear President Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I Rating: 5

[GHoSToKeR]

LOL haha

[Euphoric]

nice

[ineedskillz]

Very good Clevemire

Were all going to hell....


Why can't I own Canadians?
Because were all just a bunch of beer chugging pot heads
And would make terrible slaves..

[RESiNATE]

Such a peaceful, forgiving, and acceptable religion....

[Lulu]

http://boards.cannabis.com/showthread.php?t=374

This was posted back before you joined - a few got their knickers in a knot over it (as you can see from the replies)

I still think it's a great piece

[clevemire]

http://boards.cannabis.com/showthread.php?t=374

This was posted back before you joined - a few got their knickers in a knot over it (as you can see from the replies)

I still think it's a great piece

See, Cheeched? You're not the only one who is 'unoriginal' LOL


I see from the older post that some bimble thumpers were deeply offended by this. Well, I hate to be crude, but that's their problem. It's not our fault they refuse to have an open mind...

[Miserylue]

I love that! I need to send it to all the people that argue up and down with me about Bush and gay marriage etc. You just made my day. I love having a good argument!

[BOgart.bitch]

haha *applauds* nice, cleve.. i think that someone should send it to bush and see what he says ;]

[Imotep]

haha nice one.
in the offended posts someone says something about "receiving him", "after the act" or something lol.
man i went looking for bits like that the other day. hard to find all the stone the infidel stuff.