Bad day just need to vent

[Dro_Princess]

Ive been down and out these past couple of days and very bitchy at times. I feel like Im standing still while evreyone else is moving foward. Its like Im in a movie and Im paused but everyone else around me isnt.

I have also been having problems with feeling like a doormat. I do it to myself and I know I do. But I cant seem to change that part. I feel like Im invisible sometimes. Looked over and forgot about. Its just that I spend all day at home by myself, no neighbors to talk to, no friends to talk to, nothing just me, my dogs, the tv, and the computer. No one calls me unless they have a problem or want something. I think being alone all the time is bringing on some sort of depression. You would think that being alone all the time would make me want to go out but the way Im feeling right now I just want to stay home.

I had one of those days where I just cried. I brokedown and my husband probably thinks Im some kind of crazy person right now. Its just so many things I have let build up inside of me and its starting to leak out, and I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel, I think someone turned it off. Im trying really hard to be strong infront of people but inside Im becoming weak.

All my life I have been the cruch. When someone in my family is having problems Im there for them anytime and help any way I possibly can. There is so much drama going on its driving me up the wall. I would love nothing more than to snap my fingers and everything be ok.

I have alot of things that happened while growing that really bothers me and I want to say something but for some reason I choose not too. My parents were not the best parents and I was used as a pawn in alot of my moms affairs. I was the excuse to get out of the house to go meet random guys and meet all these weirdos. She once told my dad I was sick and needed to go to the hospital. I wasnt sick she just wanted to drive 5 hrs to meet some guy she thought she was in "love" with.

I always wanted to tell my dad what she was doing and did on a few occasions, which turned into WW3 and then I decided to just keep my mouth shut. I hated watching them fight cause it would get ugly and I was always in the middle of it. I have always wanted to tell my parents especially my mom how angry I am at them for the things that have happened but I cant bring myself to do it. I dont want to piss no one off, or hurt no ones feelings, but it seems like no one cares if they hurt mine.
Sorry for the rambling but I just really wanted to get a few things out.

Dro_Princess Reviewed by Dro_Princess on 12-07-2006. Bad day just need to vent Ive been down and out these past couple of days and very bitchy at times. I feel like Im standing still while evreyone else is moving foward. Its like Im in a movie and Im paused but everyone else around me isnt. I have also been having problems with feeling like a doormat. I do it to myself and I know I do. But I cant seem to change that part. I feel like Im invisible sometimes. Looked over and forgot about. Its just that I spend all day at home by myself, no neighbors to talk Rating: 5

[rebgirl420]

awww im so sorry hun 8hugs* I hope you feel better. Maybe you should go and do something for yourself this weekend. Im completely the opposite Im kinda mean, well i come across taht way sometimes. I don't deal with peoples petty dramas and all that game bullshit. they can all go get herpes for all I care. But anyway, yeah go and do something for yourself an maybe just spend a day thinking about how your gonna change your situation.

[TallulahGreen]

You know, I sometimes feel the same way. Sitting at home alone all the time cannot be healthy. I often feel like I don't even know what I really want and have no way to even tell!

I feel crazy. I understand you, really. Sometimes I just want to cry. I am kind of feeling the same way. I feel like everyone is moving ahead and I just suck and I am not doing shit.

I think you should tell your parents what made you angry, and if you are scared to do that, maybe I suggest you seeing someone to get help. My parents were shitty parents too, but my mom did her best, despite all the fuck ups. I am only realizing lately how my childhood has really affect who I am now, I never knew why I was so different than everyone else. I think I am finally at a point where I realize I need to go seek help and really talk out what the hell is going on in my head, because I feel so freakin' nuts.

I don't think you should feel like a doormat, you should feel good for being such a strong person that you have been able to put your own feelings aside and help others and always be the back bone. I don't really know you, I am just assuming thats what you do. That can take a toll on anyone ya know? I used to always feel used to the point where I just gave up. I stopped calling people, I stopped making an effort..to where the only people in my life really are people who have forced themselves upon me, and I thank them for that.

I don't feel like I even have the trust in other people to go out and seek new friendships, I just feel like I'm not PEOPLE compatible sometimes.

It's a nice thought to have a bunch of friends and shit, but in the end, really...I just prefer to be alone I think. It's my own fault that I am alone all the time....

I don't really know where I am going with this...I think I just caught this post at a very odd moment where my feelings are all over the place.

I stay up all night...sleep all day....spend all my life on this goddamned machine.
Blah, just keep your head up.

Reality is how you percieve it, and I believe it...and..I made my own reality..and if I want to be unhappy with it than I suppose it's my fault and no one else and only I have the power to truly make myself happy. No matter where you are, if you are feeling a certain way..it's not going to change by picking up all your shit and moving 300 miles away(which is what I did)...

Same story, different place.

Just gotta do what you gotta do I guess. Maybe find some activities in life that you really enjoy and are self fulfilling...and be more expressive of your feelings.

I'm crazy.

[AR15]

...I hated watching them fight cause it would get ugly and I was always in the middle of it. I have always wanted to tell my parents especially my mom how angry I am at them for the things that have happened but I cant bring myself to do it. I dont want to piss no one off, or hurt no ones feelings, but it seems like no one cares if they hurt mine.
Sorry for the rambling but I just really wanted to get a few things out.

Sorry about your troubles. What I want to say on that part is that your childhood is in the past. It sucks how certain things can go, no one should have to go through some things, but that's life and it's not a fairy tale. The only thing I can really say is that you know what they did wrong (you mentioned you have a husband) if and when you do have kids, you know not to do those things you're parents did, and that's life. If it's any revenge, it's a way for you to make sure your kids don't go through what you did. That's when doing the right thing really makes you feel good. Children are full of life, raise them right with love, they are the fruits of your labor, and knowing that you made it so that at least someone didn't have to suffer like you did should be healing enough. I hope that helps.

And for the current situation, try calling your close friends, ask one of them if they have some free time and want to go on a walk, preferably (at least in my case) somewhere peaceful, away from general traffic, and kind of secluded in any way (parks or creeks or whatever). Just walk for an hour or more/less as you feel. Do it with someone close to you. It's a great way to just vent if you need to, and having someone close to you makes it personal, a good way to get support and feedback. That person will probably feel even closer to you after that since you chose them. It'll probably lift your spirits at least somewhat.

If your friends can't make it, what about your husband? I didn't mention him to go first because even though he's most likely very close to you, it seems like you're itching for someone that you don't see everyday. Otherwise, your husband seems like a good candidate.

Hope you feel better.

[Skrappie]

The more time you spend alone, the more time you spend thinking about yourself, you focus on your flaws, you feel weak, just like you said, and i bet your self-esteem is starting to take a dive too.

Now you may think i'm wrong when i say you focus on your flaws, but you do. You may not be doing it with your first level of conscious, but you do in fact do it. Your brain loves to process information, and will do it anyway it can. Being by yourself tends to dull mental stimulation because you do not have to react to people. Being by yourself will fuck you up.

I suggest you either get a hobbie, or you and the hubby start a new project around the house, like paint or room or something else that could keep both of you engaged in something for a day or so if you take your time. Keep your mind engaged in new things at all times. Read, learn to skateboard (thats how i got out of my funk this summer), do something! With enough time, each new thing you take on will bring you some sense of satisfaction. once again it may not be on your first level of conscious, but it will be there. Try feeling weak when you are the one passing everyone up with all your new expereinces.

Tell your mom she hurt you, but in a non acusing way. Let her know how much pain she has caused you over the years. Tell her you are not trying to hurt her feelings, just trying to let some of yours out/

[dryst]

its cause u havent talked to me in a few days isnt it?

anywayz that sucks about the depression maybe u should just get out a little for networkinh purposes, get out there and start talkin to people, making friends or better yet making enemies

i dunno bout u but i liek staying home all the time, i was used to parting at peoples houses clubbing and shit and wouldnt come home for 3 or 4 days at a time,...but now i let that kinda life style go for a while and i like sleeping for 12 hours a day and walking around in my boxers all day, alot of times i dont even need to shwoer
but seriously if problems are that bad, just holla at meh ill keep u company

[Dro_Princess]

Thanks you guys. I feel alot better today. Its a new day and Im just going to try and keep myself busy until I get my car fixed and get a job so I can get out of the house. Thanks for reading my rambiling whiney ass post and being so nice, supportive, and giving some good advice.

[Dro_Princess]

its cause u havent talked to me in a few days isnt it?

anywayz that sucks about the depression maybe u should just get out a little for networkinh purposes, get out there and start talkin to people, making friends or better yet making enemies

i dunno bout u but i liek staying home all the time, i was used to parting at peoples houses clubbing and shit and wouldnt come home for 3 or 4 days at a time,...but now i let that kinda life style go for a while and i like sleeping for 12 hours a day and walking around in my boxers all day, alot of times i dont even need to shwoer
but seriously if problems are that bad, just holla at meh ill keep u company

You have been MIA for a couple of days. I almost put a APB out on your ass. I know ppl.

[munkjunkie]

I think u need a change of scenery, maybe come to the Uk we like americans (i do anyway)and im sure you'll make lots of friends

[timothylearyisdead]

im not trying to be rude or be an asshole, but thats one of the best reasons to toke up.